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MandaBear0511 · Feb 15, 2008, 06:28 PM

Hello,
I am Amanda. I am currently under physical costudy of my father. And joint of my mother. I recently told my father I did not want to live with him anymore, I wanted to live with my mom. He went psycho and kept saying no! I am currently at my moms on a visit and I just want to stay. I am afraid to go home... is there anyway that I can stay without my mother getting in trouble? This is something I need to be helped on. I am so afraid, pleae help me! I don't want to have to go backto my fathers and wait for the court date, I don't think I will be able to take it, I would melt down, and ultimately end up in my own pain(if you understand)...

J_9 · Feb 15, 2008, 06:33 PM

Amanda, what is so bad about being at your Dad's house?

MandaBear0511 · Feb 15, 2008, 06:43 PM

I am cutting myself there, and I don't feel at home... at all. I cry my eyes out just thinking about going back there. I know for sure he is going to blow a gaskic to when he finds out I am moving back in with my mom. I told him before, and he freaked and said if he ever heard another thing about from anyone he would "lose it" whatever that means. I feel more at home at my moms. And I don't want to leave, but my lawyers tell me it's the only way without my mom getting in trouble, but they all suck. Is there any way, I can just stay. I am afriad to go home! PLEASE HELP if you can...

Fr_Chuck · Feb 15, 2008, 06:45 PM

Yes, if you are "at risk" "in danger" then you need to notify social services ( child welfare) and get invovled, even if it means a foster home temp till some court hearing.

As a minor under 18, you can not decide where you want to live, you can testify in court and tell the judge what you would prefer, but it is always up to the judge. If your father has physcial custody, and fathers don't normally get it, so there had to be some seroius issue to allow ihm to get it?? But yes, he can order you to come home, file against your mother for not sending you home.

If you will tell us what is the danger going home with your father we may have some suggestions

MandaBear0511 · Feb 15, 2008, 06:50 PM

There's not much indangering me, but I know he will (I know this sounds stupid), but, he will ignore me, and will not do anything for me. And I cut myself at his house... he never pay enoguh attention to know... my mom knew, without a word spoken to her be me. I can't take living there. I think if try to take it any longer I might do something really worse than cutting myself, or run away!

N0help4u · Feb 16, 2008, 12:19 PM

How old are you? If you are over 14 or 15 then you should have rights to having a say in court of who you want to be with. If you have a child advocate through family court you need to talk to them about your options and rights.

But you can't depend on others for your happiness. When people do things to themselves because of others it is basically their problem and not the others in the sense that you need to take charge of your own actions and find more constructive solutions.
Have you ever talked with your dad about how you feel? Do you ask him, "Hey dad can we go to the Steak 'n Shake for dinner tonight?" or "Can we go to the mall (or whereever)"
Or even ask him for help with a problem you might have at school.
Let him know you want him there for you as a dad. Some dads just don't know how to relate to a daughter and figure they only have to be there and leave the raising up to mom.
Many kids dads don't even want to be bothered with their kids at all. Many even want to disown their kids. Your dad may think he is doing a good job father-wise. My dad was never there for me and when he did have anything to say it was negative stuff like what the heck would you want to do that for? Or how much did the store pay you to take that off their hands?

happytohelptoday · Feb 23, 2008, 10:09 AM

You make it sound as if your father is abusing you but in all essences you are really abusing yourself by cutting. How does hurting yourself make you feel better? Sounds like there are more serious issues you need to work out. It sounds as if you are reaching out for help by expressing your feelings here. You need to express them with your dad as well. I'm sure he will be supportive and get you necessary help. If not then seek other options. Your father probably doesn't even know what cutting is or if he saw any cuts on you he wouldn't even have a thought in his mind that you are hurting yourself. Why are you living with your dad now and not your mom? Moving to the other parents house doesn't make your problems go away. I experienced this myself. I lost friends, a great boyfriend and regret my decision.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 23, 2008, 12:31 PM

Yes, you need to get social serivces or both your parents to see that you get help for the cutting, this is serious and you need professional help,
Talk to a school couselor or your pastor

talaniman · Feb 23, 2008, 12:36 PM

First off, have you been taking your meds, and have you told your doctor how those meds make you feel. Second tell your mom that your cutting, ASAP. You doctor should know also. Just for those unfamiliar with this young lady's problem,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2444160

peggyhill · Feb 23, 2008, 12:45 PM

I'm sorry you are hurting right now. The first thing I think you should do is see a doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling. If you are taking medication or have stopped taking medication recently, then that could have something to do with how you are feeling. Always tell the doctor right away if you feel more depressed/suicidal while taking a medicine. When you go off the medicine, you need to do that under a doctor's supervision too.

You need to tell someone about how you are cutting yourself. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your dad, then you could call your mom and tell her, or tell a teacher, youth leader, doctor or someone like that. But please do tell someone because you need help for this; please don't try to deal with it all on your own. That's just too much for someone to handle alone. Another thing that might help would be for you and your dad to see a counselor together. Maybe your doctor can help you find a good one.

I hope you feel better soon. And I can't stress this enough, please tell someone OK? There is help and you can feel so much better, but you have to ask for it.

Pomeroy · Feb 23, 2008, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by MandaBear0511

Hello,
I am Amanda. I am currently under physical costudy of my father. And joint of my mother. I recently told my father I did not wnat to live with him anymore, I wanted to live with my mom. He went psycho and kept saying no! I am currently at my moms on a visit and I just want to stay. I am afraid to go home.... is there anyway that I can stay without my mother getting in trouble? This is something I need to be helped on. I am so afraid, pleae help me! I dont want to have to go backto my fathers and wait for the court date, I dont think I will be able to take it, I would melt down, and ultimately end up in my own pain(if you understand).........

Every state is different. In the state of Massachusetts there is no law to force a child if he or she says no. They can not physically drag you or that will be child abuse. Seek a child advocate someone who speaks in your behalf. Your mother will not be in contempt of a court order if YOU are saying NO!

Greg Quinn · Feb 24, 2008, 12:09 AM

Cutting is a very serious effect to what is usually a temporary problem. DANGER:You are a real cutter, real cutters don't cut for attention or for the pain, real cutters cut for the satisfaction of being in control of something. Your scenario seems very much like you have lost some control of your life and others are making decisions for you. This problem you are having with your dad will go away, but cutting gets to be addictive, it begins to be the coping mechanism for life's everyday problems.
You can solve all of these problems by talking to a school counsellor, a doctor or even an adult that is close to you. If you are cutting yourself at your dads, make someone aware of it and the proper authorities may intervene and prevent you from having to go back to a place that makes you so desperately unhappy.
You seem like such a sweet girl Amanda, I really hope you take the advice offered to you here and know that your father is afraid of losing you. Sometimes us adults need a small jolt to remind us what is best for our children. Whether you go back or not, it's a good idea to talk to your father about the stresses you have been dealing with and the mental and physical harm it is causing. Please keep us informed? Best wishes, Greg.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2008, 05:18 AM

Amanda, I hope you find an adult to talk to, and come to understand your Dad is only doing what he thinks is best, as he sounds protective of you, and may not know what a 15 year old female wants and needs. He is doing his best, and it would be great if you two could communicate better. A school counselor, or teacher, could help guide you through this hard time, to help with your cutting problem, and maybe give you a voice to be able to talk to your mom, and Dad. As a father, I don't always know what my kids want, and could be pretty overprotective, out of love, and the fear of something bad happening. They love you, but have a hard time showing it. I wish you the best, and hope you can talk up for yourself, so they will listen, and be aware of what you want and need. Its important you talk to someone though. Much luck.