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    apena16's Avatar
    apena16 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 13, 2014, 07:59 PM
    I don't know what to do...
    My dad's girlfriend is interfering with my dad's economic decisions. When my parents separated the decided to split payments so my mom wouldn't be left with such a humongous bill that she can't afford.

    He hasn't been helping my mom with the decided divisions in payments. He stopped paying most of the decided share. My mom can't pay it all by herself. I feel like I'm caught in the middle. And I have a younger brother he's only three and I'm fourteen. Can I have some advice please? What should I do?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,761, Reputation: 5426
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    May 13, 2014, 08:11 PM
    What is your mom doing about this? It's her battle to fight, not yours.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,885, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    May 14, 2014, 04:25 AM
    It's between your mom and dad so you should let them work it out. No way can you know all that's involved between the adults.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #4

    May 14, 2014, 06:33 AM
    None of your business, and in fact very likely you do not know all the details.

    If there is a court order for him to pay certain bills, then mom takes him back to court.

    If this was merely an agreement between them, it is not legally binding.

    At 14, you merely stay out of way
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #5

    May 14, 2014, 10:13 AM
    Your information has to come from somewhere. No doubt you feel caught in the middle because one or both your parents, have made it your business to know. That indeed puts you in the middle, and it is wrong for parents to fight their wars at the expense of their minor children.

    You probably feel that your loyalties are divided. Your mother is likely showing signs of worry, and making it known that she can't make ends meet. Your father is probably has his own story, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Both of them will 'make their cases' to suit themselves.

    You are given the burden of knowing what is going on, and it puts you squarely in the middle.

    What you can do, is tell your mother and your father, that you are feeling pressured, you're feeling guilty, and feeling helpless, about their situation. You know you can't do anything about it, but you feel that because they have made their business yours- you feel like you are expected to do something, or you feel like you should be helping them, but it is beyond what you can do.

    Sometimes when adults do battle, whether it is in court or not (having a court judgment doesn't necessarily mean they will stop complaining and fighting), kids are caught in the middle. You can help your own situation by having a talk to them, and asking them not to discuss anything to do with finances, and troubles over their separation in front of you or your brother. (he will be picking up the feelings of anger, confusion, maybe neglect) It affects him too.

    If that doesn't relieve you of the burden you feel, speak to your grandparent(s), or a family friend, or a school counselor.

    No kid should be put in this position.

    Good luck to you.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    May 14, 2014, 02:23 PM
    And you can suggest that your mom ask here, or see a lawyer about divorce.

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