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    fatkidsk8s's Avatar
    fatkidsk8s Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 14, 2010, 05:12 PM
    My dad is never home and step mom talks bad about my mom and step dad, I want to mov
    Im 16 years old, and I live in Ohio. Today topped the list of my life. I have a go cart and I messed up our 700 yard driveway. Before they would let me go to my moms for the weekend I was told to clean up the ruts and stuff I made. So I did. Then my step mom came down and asked me to do all the rest of the drive way! GAY!! I told her I can't because first off I dident screw it up to start wit and what I did I fixed, also my step dad had other things to do so he had to come get me then... my mom has to work third shift. Well my step mom dident like the fact that someone told her NO. So to make a long story short she was yelling at me and I was yelling at her. Then she mentions something stupid about my mom and step dad and how my step dad doesent work and we live in section 8 houses. Ho get the balls to say that in there face. Anyway so they ended up taking my temps and my cell phone, even know I paid for the phone. My ? Is can I move in wit my mom? And they say I don't own anything because I'm not an adult, is this true? Also will the courts let me move in if we live in section 8?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    Oct 15, 2010, 07:32 AM
    Sounds like a lot of stress and drama over ruts in a driveway. I think it is safe to assume that you've had other conflicts with your step mother.

    Bottom line here is, adults should act like adults, and 16 year olds should be responsible enough not to get into a yelling match with out of control adults. Next time, just walk away until she cools off.

    Sounds like your step mother was going to win the fight no matter what. Thus she trumped you with taking away your possessions, which in my opinion, is a particularly bitter act, because you paid for them.

    I don't know what fuels her anger to such a degree that she ends up yelling in the first place. If the two of you lock horns, where is your father in all this. Why is he not talking to your step mother, or to you directly.

    That your dad is never home, is no excuse for him not to be a responsible party in this.

    Be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater here. What that means is, it was just an argument, a bad one, but just an argument over ruts in the driveway. Don't make major decisions on moving, until you have tried to resolve the issues with your step mother.

    Remember if you don't argue back, no argument can take place.

    Consider the trash talk about your mother and stepdad, to be fueled by anger; we all say and do things that are inappropriate in the heat of the moment. Try not to be drawn into any drama, and instead take a different approach to solving conflicts.

    If your dad is mostly unavailable, send him an email, list your concerns, and ask him to set time aside for you, just to talk things over. Let him know you are unhappy, and that you are having problems getting along with your step mother. If he has to actually schedule time to listen to you, so be it.

    Do your best not to push buttons with your step mom. Again, enlist the help of your father in calmly talking to both of you. Neither of you are 100% right, and both should be prepared to compromise, listen, and be considerate of eachothers opinions.

    Talk to your mother by all means, and if your mother and father are on speaking terms, ask her to help in talking on your behalf, to your father. All four adults in this situation have an obligation in my opinion, to not let things fester and get even more stressful.

    If the adults in your life cannot get along and step up and be parents, then I would enlist the help of a school counsellor if one is available to you. Or a trusted relative. It is important that you make the effort to let them know that you are seriously concerned about relationships in your life, and how it is affecting you. Don't give up, but instead focus on staying calm, walking away when things get too heated, and finding other ways, by talking, to resolve conflicts.

    Adults are sometimes not skilled in conflict resolution, even with their own children. But that is not an excuse to just turn the other cheeck, dial out, or ignore it.

    I do hope that you can find a way to have yourself heard. If that happens, a few ruts in the driveway may have turned out to be a positive move in instigating better understanding and respect between all parties.
    fatkidsk8s's Avatar
    fatkidsk8s Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Oct 21, 2010, 10:41 AM
    Comment on Jake2008's post
    Ok do you know anything about being able to live wit my mom. Because I told my dad when I'm 17 in 6 months, he's probably never going to see me again. Running away!! Hes never home and even if he has no clue... he agrees wit the wife. So he said I'm not coming
    fatkidsk8s's Avatar
    fatkidsk8s Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Oct 21, 2010, 10:42 AM
    Comment on Jake2008's post
    Back if I do run away.. I don't want to hurt my mom and step dad and 5 brothers because there a bunch of low life people who want to talk crap about others!
    VRon1's Avatar
    VRon1 Posts: 77, Reputation: 10
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Oct 28, 2010, 09:02 PM
    I don't live in Ohio but I live in a surrounding state so if the laws are similar you have grounds to change the custody agreement and you are at the age where you can decide on which parent you want to live with.

    My step mom is a real B too. I used to yell back at her and there would be a huge knock-out drag-out fight then I would have to deal with my dad. And he'd get upset. Now I realize I should have just told her I don't appreciate what she thinks about my mother and step-dad. And I tell her to keep her opinions to herself. Try it!

    If that doesn't work tell your dad about it. If he sees nothing wrong with it then bring up valid points that would help your argument. Tell them your mom and step dad are doing what they can; they're trying to find what's works for them. Which is different then you. Do not fight or raise your voice though I know you'll want to scream every profanity you can think of at them (that only makes matters worse, I know)

    Then talk to your mom. I don't know which parent is more sane but I know my mom can be very practical.

    They do have the right to take your belongings from you because they are still your parents and sadly what's yours is there's until you're 18 and become your own independent.

    I don't know if this helps any but it's the best I got.
    -Veronica

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