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    edferrari121's Avatar
    edferrari121 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 23, 2013, 12:40 PM
    I am with an abusive wife will she change or should I get a divorce and move on?
    I really need some advise. I been on this relationship for 5 years 2 of them being boyfriend and girlfriend and the other 3 being married. I am 24 and she is 23 and we don't have any children. During the three years of marriage we been going on and off because for every fight we have she runs with her mom and leaves me. But before she leaves me she insults me really really bad, name calling, saying stuff about my parents, my brother, even sometimes she scratches me, and slaps me. Then she leaves and 4 to 7 days later always seem to be sorry and asks me for forgiveness to the point that she gets on her knees and cries, or gives tries to give me gifts.we have tried counseling but after a month or two and we stop going because she says that "we are good now why go". Two weeks ago all this happened again but this time she insulted and cursed my dad and mom then she told me she was leaving again and then she insulted me, scratched my neck, slapped me in the face and press her knee on my leg when I was laying down which left a big bruise and NO this is not the first time she is physical abusive now she is saying she is sorry and she will never do that again being this the seventh time she does the same thing saying she will change and she does not . However I still fill that I love her is this normal or is it just fear of being alone? I don't think I am a bad husband I mean don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't go out with my friends and leave her alone, I workout, I work all day and just finish my bachelors degree to have a better life with her and she still treats me that way. My question is that I always feel bad for her because she cries and says she is going to change which she doesn't or sometimes I forgive her because I fear that another women will not want to be with me or even look at me and start a relationship with me if I divorce her and now that I told her that we are done I feel with allot of anxiety to talk to her and take her back. What should I do

    Please I need some good advise ?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Sep 23, 2013, 12:46 PM
    If you have no kids yet... my advice is divorce her and get away... sure she might change... but odd are she won't.

    The longer you wait... the more you will end up owing her... not to mention the odds of a child coming into the picture further complicating it for everyone.

    A one time thing is easier to blow off than something that keeps reoccuring over and over.
    medic-dan's Avatar
    medic-dan Posts: 321, Reputation: 23
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    #3

    Sep 23, 2013, 12:49 PM
    You've given her many chances, it's time for you to take care of your needs and move on. It is unlikely she will change. Her desire to end counseling suggests she doesn't believe she has a problem - yes, it's HER problem.

    Consider yourself fortunate that there are no children involved. If she hits you and curses your family members, they'd would be next.

    A common reaction to those who are abused is that they feel it is their fault - yours. You exhibit some signs of this by your comments about not being a bad husband, etc. YOU ARE NOT the cause so don't blame yourself.

    You are young, there are many other women out there that would love to have a husband like you. Move on with YOUR life.

    Good luck. Hope it helps.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #4

    Sep 23, 2013, 12:51 PM
    She doesn't see anything wrong in her behavior so she will not change. I have known guys that will purposely start a fight as an excuse to run off. Seems like that has become a pattern for her. She is mentally unstable
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #5

    Sep 23, 2013, 01:07 PM
    Ditto to what everyone else said. Life is too short.
    animepierced's Avatar
    animepierced Posts: 12, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Sep 24, 2013, 09:57 AM
    there's ALWAYS a chance she can change. But how long has she been abusing you? You have to consider that, if she's gone this long why would she change now? I would try talking to her, if she starts getting upset call someone you trust to come over and get you away. I would recommend divorcing her ^.^ its her fault anyway ^.^

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