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    pumpkinjojo's Avatar
    pumpkinjojo Posts: 52, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    May 23, 2008, 10:17 AM
    Boyfriend has ADD
    My boyfriend is 25, I'm 23. He has ADD (Passive) lack of concentration. When I ask him to do something, it takes him hours to do it or takes him forever to finally do the thing I ask. I don't know what I should do about it? I want to help him
    southerngalps's Avatar
    southerngalps Posts: 1,334, Reputation: 112
    Ultra Member

    May 23, 2008, 10:31 AM
    Is he prescribed medication?
    pumpkinjojo's Avatar
    pumpkinjojo Posts: 52, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    May 23, 2008, 11:18 AM
    No. He had it when he was young but tablets doesn't make a difference to without tablets.. both seems to be the same. But its hard work for me to tell him or remind him about things
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,254, Reputation: 5642

    May 23, 2008, 11:32 AM
    ADD has nothing to do with it. It sounds as though he is a procrastinator.
    pumpkinjojo's Avatar
    pumpkinjojo Posts: 52, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    May 23, 2008, 11:34 AM
    Procrastinator? What do u mean by that?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,254, Reputation: 5642

    May 23, 2008, 11:37 AM
    Procrastination means that people put off what they can do now.
    pumpkinjojo's Avatar
    pumpkinjojo Posts: 52, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    May 23, 2008, 11:40 AM
    What does that mean? What do I do about it?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,254, Reputation: 5642

    May 23, 2008, 12:46 PM
    There is nothing you can do about it. He just does things in his own time.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,278, Reputation: 7690

    May 23, 2008, 12:46 PM
    She is saying he may just be the type of person who puts off doing things. And actually I bet if you asked 100 wife's 80 of them would say their husbands do the same thing, they often get busy doing what they want and put off what their wife's want.
    Heck that reminds me to go put the toilet seat down and wash my coffee cup I was suppose to have done already.
    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
    Ultra Member

    May 23, 2008, 01:02 PM
    Sounds like he is passive-agressive. That means he doesn't want to do whatever it is you want done but instead of saying no directly, he just "forgets" or "puts it off."
    pumpkinjojo's Avatar
    pumpkinjojo Posts: 52, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    May 23, 2008, 11:36 PM
    Yeah something like that Emland.. Its hard to explain... e.g if I asked him to do it.. he will do it like 3 hours later.. he rather spends his time with me than doing the things I ask him, I never get mad with him if he doesn't do it... I just get frustrated and ask him nicely. He just forgets what I ask. My mum is a nurse.. she said to try the adults tabelets - ritiviln?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,770, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    May 23, 2008, 11:49 PM
    My husband has ADD--finally figured it out when he was in his 50s. He doesn't take meds for it. He always managed to make decisions and get things done by making lists and crossing off each thing when he gets it done. Rewarding himself with something after doing a certain number of things helps him work hard to get finished.

    Our older son is autistic and has to see jobs and instructions in print (vs. hearing them) in order for it to really sink in. He likes to read books but hates audiobooks--seeing print rather than hearing the words.

    Maybe this will make sense to you and suggest a solution.
    deedeeowens's Avatar
    deedeeowens Posts: 17, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    May 27, 2008, 10:39 AM
    I agree that a lot of men just behave that way because they're the type to put things off, but if he was diagnosed with ADD by a professional, I have to assume that he has it. I married a man with ADHD. It takes a lot of patience to deal with the issues 24/7. In my experience it gets a little better with medication, but if he's not hyper I couldn't blame him for not going that route. God only knows what those meds do to a person in the long run. In my opinion you'll only get frustrated trying to "help" him. My advice is to accept him the way he is or find another boyfriend. He probably isn't going to change.
    aanthonyy's Avatar
    aanthonyy Posts: 45, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member

    May 31, 2008, 02:55 PM
    I have add. Trying to think let alone do many boring tasks when I am actively thinking about something else often means that things get done eventually. If something does not need doing NOw then is better to do it later - if I remember... the drugs help a bit - but masses of self discipline is the only way, and that is stressful. Appreciate what he is good at and his look at his strengths. If that is not enough then move on. Is not easy having add.
    progunr's Avatar
    progunr Posts: 1,971, Reputation: 288
    Ultra Member

    May 31, 2008, 03:02 PM
    You know, when I was a kid, you never heard of ADHD or ADD.

    If I didn't do what was expected, when it was expected, I got my butt lit up like a ripe tomato!

    It would be a long time after that, before I didn't do what was expected of me, when it was expected.

    Once the government got involved with the ability of a parent to discipline their children, all of a sudden there were these two new "diseases" ADD and ADHD.

    In my opinion, ADHD, or ADD are simply the symptoms of lack of discipline at a young age.

    I know, many of you are going to blast me on this one!
    deedeeowens's Avatar
    deedeeowens Posts: 17, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Jun 2, 2008, 09:30 AM
    I used to think that way too Progunr. I never heard of ADD or ADHD growing up either, and I thought that ADD and ADHD were just excuses for inappropriate behavior. However, after some education about nutrition and the things that have been put into our foods since the "old days"; I have become a firm believer that these conditions are real and are a result of the dyes, pesticides, preservatives, and chemicals that have found their way into the American diet.
    plonak's Avatar
    plonak Posts: 742, Reputation: 117
    Senior Member

    Jun 2, 2008, 03:10 PM
    ADD is real, my boyfriend has it, and he says when he's not on his medication, his brain is going 1000 miles a second, he's thinking of so many things at once, it's like his brain is on overdrive.. and that's why it's so hard for them to focus. It's really frustrating being a girlfriend of someone who suffers from ADD.. needs patience. I suggest getting him a scheduler and force him to write his stuff down and then it will become habit.

    I told my boyfriend he needs to do that and told him to get one at the store... and it has been about 2 months since I originally asked him to get one, kind of ironic huh? Can't even focus to get the tool to help him.. mabye there is no hope after all.. sigh

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