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    jessi21612's Avatar
    jessi21612 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 1, 2012, 01:01 PM
    How do I deal with my boyfriend being in a coma, not knowing if he will ever wake up?
    My boyfriend went into a coma 9 days ago, nobody is really telling me everything.. they just said he had a lack of oxygen. He lives 900 miles away and I'm only 17 but I bought a plane ticket anyway, just so I can go see him.. All I do right now is stay in my room and cry.. I still text his phone (I may be going crazy) but it makes me feel better.. how do I deal with not knowing if he is ever going to wake up?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Jun 1, 2012, 01:19 PM
    If you have a religion of your choice, most find comfort in their faith. But there is nothing to do but wait and try to be with him. Do you live in different parts of the country ? Or was he just there visiting ?

    Where do you plan on staying when you get there? I assume your parents know you are going ?

    Have you spoken to his parents yet, I assume they are the ones giving you the details.

    Have you checked with the hospital to see if you can visit, if he is in ICU only family can see him there.
    jessi21612's Avatar
    jessi21612 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 1, 2012, 01:49 PM
    Yeah, I've been praying all day everyday.. I live in New Mexico and he lives in California.. My brother lives kind of close to him but his sister said I can stay with her if I want to. The mom is rarely ever home, she's always at the club, they say she doesn't even really visit him.. but she was they same way when her husband died a few months back. I don't know if I can visit him, his close friends were able to.. even if I can't I rather be there with them because my parents aren't every comforting anyway.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #4

    Jun 1, 2012, 02:00 PM
    If friends can, you should be able to visit, Let us know how it is going as you visit him.

    Remember no matter what others may say, he can hear you, so if you sit with him, talk to him just like he is there, read a book to him. Write a journal when you are not with him and read it to him when you are.
    jessi21612's Avatar
    jessi21612 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jun 1, 2012, 02:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    If friends can, you should be able to visit, Let us know how it is going as you visit him.

    Remember no matter what others may say, he can hear you, so if you sit with him, talk to him just like he is there, read a book to him. Write a journal when you are not with him and read it to him when you are.
    Thank you so much and I will keep you guys posted.
    clcl's Avatar
    clcl Posts: 1, Reputation: -1
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    #6

    Jul 16, 2012, 04:25 PM
    Go on http://kidshealth.org/kid/talk/qa/coma.html
    That will tell you about it and a coma lasts for a few weeks or less take him to a hospital nothing to worry about he is going to be fine
    Hope I helped and god bless you two and good luck!
    JessicaW8's Avatar
    JessicaW8 Posts: 41, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Aug 2, 2012, 09:15 PM
    You need to talk to his family. Go visit him it might give you some closure.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 3,998, Reputation: 468
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    #8

    Aug 2, 2012, 10:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JessicaW8 View Post
    You need to talk to his family. Go visit him it might give you some closure.
    Why would you say to visit to get closure? Just because someone is in a coma doesn't mean that he won't come out of it. She needs to visit, get all the details, and I hope he wakes up during the visit. Think positively!
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #9

    Aug 4, 2012, 05:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jessi21612 View Post
    My boyfriend went into a coma 9 days ago, nobody is really telling me everything.. they just said he had a lack of oxygen. He lives 900 miles away and I'm only 17 but I bought a plane ticket anyways, just so I can go see him.. All I do right now is stay in my room and cry.. i still text his phone (I may be going crazy) but it makes me feel better.. how do I deal with not knowing if he is ever going to wake up?

    Just saw this - and I've been there. I can come at this question two different angles.

    Having gone through this exact situation more than once and recently I would never criticize how any other person handles grief, loss, stress, uncertainty - you are coping by sitting in your room and crying. His mother is coping by going to her club or doing whatever else she is or isn't doing. Don't judge her or her emotions, feelings, connections, how she handles her son's coma.

    As the wife of the coma patient the LAST thing the family (and hospital staff) needs is friends gathered around the bed, crying.

    Texting his phone may give you relief but if I had possession of that phone and you were sending messages, probably not terribly coherent messages, I would hesitate to allow you in the hospital room. No one needs the upset.

    He's in a coma from lack of oxygen? How did that happen? Attempted suicide is the only thing I can come up with.

    How do you deal with this? You just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    And now I'll tell you about my experience when my husband was in his last coma, and he had been comatose for three weeks. I never broke. I never cried. I just kept telling him it would all be all right (although I knew it wouldn't). They would allow me to stay 18 hours a day, and so I did. On the twenty-second or twenty-third day he was really, really bad - convulsing, he had to be loosely strapped to the bed, this independent, educated, kind and gentle man. I sat next to the bed, put my head on his chest and cried and cried and cried. Finally - and a Nurse who was in the room reminded me what I had said - I said, "I don't know if I can go on."

    I felt his arm go around me, pulled from the strap, and I looked up into his wide open eyes, his face turned toward me, and he was looking right at me for the first time in weeks. Needless to say I stopped crying in a heartbeat, said his name and changed it to, "It'll be okay, really it will." He closed his eyes and relaxed.

    The point of the story - he heard me. He was deep in a coma - but he heard me.

    Be VERY careful what you do and say in that hospital room. Be there to love and support him. Don't be there to lessen your grief and fear.

    I wish you well.
    aggsaggs's Avatar
    aggsaggs Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 25, 2012, 04:05 AM
    Hello my boyfriend went into coma 2 weeks ago I'm also 17 his 23 we live together . Unknown man attack us and to protect me he stood front of me and he got hit with a brick .he has brain injury.he does not respond to anything he looks so skinny. We lived together I have no other friends he was my best friend .we would go wash our teeth together that's how close we are . I completely understand you .its a pain siting beside his bed looking at him like this .I just want to shake him just to open his eyes but no action from him at all .im really scared he was a part of me. Any ideas what I should do? Hope your boyfriend woke up ? X
    loveformylu's Avatar
    loveformylu Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Sep 25, 2012, 08:27 PM
    Stay strong! I know how you feel. I'm 21 & my boyfriend died of cancer in July of this year. I don't know if I'm too late for some support, but you have to stay strong! I still text my boyfriend's number so NO you are not going crazy. Sometimes it makes you feel better to tell them how much you love them or how much you miss them even when you know they can't read it.

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