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    mhwhite's Avatar
    mhwhite Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 1, 2011, 12:11 PM
    Wrong person or wrong time?
    I was in a relationship with a guy that was perfect in every way; not just on a paper way, but in an ideals on life, type of person way. If anyone would ever ask me what I wanted in a guy, I would describe him in every way.

    We'd been seeing each other for a year, most weekends, met each others families, and had even been on holiday a couple of times together.

    Despite all this, there was never any real spark, I never used to get excited to him and we never had any real intimacy. The truth is, the entire time I was with him, I was still talking to and seeing (every few weeks but NOT sleeping with) my ex boyfriend of three years. I couldn't ever seem to get him out of my mind, and although I knew he was completely wrong for me, and we'd both grown apart, there was an underlying friendship/ maybe habit, that I couldn't let go of.

    The ironic thing about all of this is, the new boyfriend and I soon ended (it had been a year) and at that moment, when I realised my ex was probably ruining any chance of me moving on and being happy, I never spoke to him again.

    What I'm trying to work out is, was the reason I didn't ever feel a spark/ connection to the new boyfriend because I was still in love with my ex and I could never allow him in, or give him my all. Or was it just that he wasn't right for me and I was hanging onto my past to fill a gap? Did I feel relieved when the new boyfriend couldn't stay over because I just didn't fancy him? Or was it because I found it hard to give myself to someone else? Was it because he was the wrong person, or just the wrong time?

    Some people have said to me that if the right person walks into your life, you will forget the past and any ex's will just become history. Is that right? Or can your past affect your current and make you completely blinded by someone that could have been so right?

    The reason I ask this is because I don't know whether to fight for the new boyfriend and try and get him back. Now he's not in my life, I miss him terribly and nobody else seems to compare even fractionally to all the things that he was and stands for. He is perfect in every way, he's everything I could ask for in my life and it's not often you meet someone so perfect, but I just never felt a spark. Or is it already tainted- i.e, there was never a spark and there will just never be one. I tried and it just wasn't right.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert

    Dec 2, 2011, 02:10 AM
    Sounds to me the reason you kept in touch with your ex and your current boyfriend is because you didn't feel complete with either guy alone, you needed to combine them both together to form a complete guy. But that's not sustainable. Because we can't have two people in our life at once forever. Eventually you'll have to commit to one person.

    In your case, the fact that neither guy can complete you, means that you shouldn't be with either. It's time to give a third guy a chance and leave these two alone, because although they may have some of what you want, they don't have all of what you want. So go look for what you really want and don't settle for less.
    shank005100's Avatar
    shank005100 Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Jan 25, 2013, 12:56 PM
    Ur ex has become your ex because you found him to be not suitable for u. Normally when we break up a current relationship and move on with a new one we would tend to have contacts with ex lovers. This is a tendency that I have experienced in my life too. But that doesn't mean that you need to go back to him. You broke up with him because you felt something was wrong when you loved him and that something worn with him vanished because you don't love him anymore. I bet if you leave this current guy you are hanging out with and move on with your ex you would never be happy because this current guy now would have become your ex and you would have left him for your ex though there was no problem with him and you would terribly regret it later. Kindly cut the contacts of all sort with your ex and live the life with this guy happily!!

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