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k98 · Nov 4, 2016, 10:08 PM

Okay so, me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and five months. In the beginning he always showed me affection. He'd always be trying to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me or just be near me. Just us hanging out was enough. But now it's a year and five months later and he doesn't really do any of that anymore. He barely hugs me or kisses me. I'm the one who's always trying to show him attention. He doesn't even cuddle with me at night anymore. I don't know what's been going on..

Does he not want to be with me anymore? Does he have feelings for someone else? I've asked him those questions and he says no to both.. Yet I just can't shake the feeling something's up. Opinions would really help! I'm really in need of some.

joypulv · Nov 5, 2016, 03:10 AM

Try to guess how many men, out of about 3 billion of snuggle age, who are still affectionate after a year? I'd guess 12. In the whole world. I'm 70 and have been around.

OK, kidding aside, there really is some truth to what I just said. Men typically lose romance and affection after some amount of time. Heck, women do too.
This may sound cold, but couples have to negotiate. Men often continue to want regular sex, while women typically want less. Women usually want affection forever, while men usually just don't get it. So you have to sit down, hopefully with love, understanding, and humor, and make some deals. Write them down. You hug and smooch me while I'm doing the dishes almost every day, and cuddle with me on the couch 3 times a week, and I won't complain about your dirty underwear on the floor, and I'll do something extra sexy once a month, like dress up as a French maid, or do a strip tease with nothing but scarves. Get the idea? Compromise, trade, negotiate, make it fun. Hang the list on the wall, and laugh about it 50 years from now.

tickle · Nov 5, 2016, 04:50 AM

Women should want and need to be sexually active well into their 80s and beyond. I belong to a talk group of women and their thoughts are really quite encouraging in that they keep their husbands' interests alive and well and full of love, and sex, and affection.

I am still sexually active at 74; my s/o and I keep that alive and have the same wants and needs and have for a few years.

So, if you want your husband to be totally affectionate, explore your sexuality, which should not include roll playing (only as a last resort); invite him into bed, show him what you would like him to do, invite him to show you what he likes and this will slowly open up a whole new world to you of fulfilment.

joypulv · Nov 5, 2016, 06:44 AM

If you say 'roll' [sic] playing should only be a last resort, you might be Canadian.
That's not to say I've ever role played either, and I'm American.
But millions of people think it's the best cure for sexual ennui since booze and pot.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 5, 2016, 07:30 AM

I think role playing is great, I even pretend to be Canadian sometimes. LOL

But to the issue,
This is common and even have some fancy name for it. Buit after about a year or a year and a half of living together, (did not mention marriage) but it is the same. The couple gets used to each other and the man (more often) but can also be the women, does not feel they have to be romantic. They feel they are showing their love in other ways.
He may be upset and think?? Why is she angry, I work hard, pay these bills, I do this around the house, all my hard work shows her I love her. He is replacing the romance with practical.

There is a book Love Languages, I say it is a must read. The issue is, perhaps he is telling you he loves you, but in a new way, that you are not understanding.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 5, 2016, 07:51 AM

How old are you guys? I know things are not totally the same after a year or so, but affection should not be absent. I've been with my s/o 8 years and we are still very affectionate and I'm 63 years old. Do you two talk, how is the communication, do you do other things together?

tickle · Nov 5, 2016, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

If you say 'roll' [sic] playing should only be a last resort, you might be Canadian.
That's not to say I've ever role played either, and I'm American.
But millions of people think it's the best cure for sexual ennui since booze and pot.

LOL meant ROLE but what does Canadian have to do with anything. We are just as adventurous as anyone else but maybe you mean we are more sophisticated. Maybe so. I don't know anyone in our group who has expressed role playing as a way to get things going.

joypulv · Nov 5, 2016, 10:03 AM

tick - I have a whole passel of Canadian relatives. Lots of jokes back and forth. I'm getting all the election jokes - they don't want us fleeing over the border next week, for starters.

Role playing is standard fare in all the Sex for The Bored 101, as far as I've heard.

I don't mean to make light of the problem here. But when someone goes online and asks total strangers why their partner isn't affectionate, I just KNOW that they need to start in relationship kindergarten, and I don't feel like teaching that today.

talaniman · Nov 5, 2016, 10:52 AM

This is more about the two of you working together to resolve your issues through honest communications than it is about the physical show of affection. Sure things have changed since the honeymoon is over and the lust has faded, but this is where the love grows and the WORK of building a relationship you both enjoy has to start.

Don't ask if he loves you, tell him what you want and need and talk about it. How old are you both and do you both work? Kids? Do you both have hobbies and friends apart from each other?