I am an average, petite 54 year old Asian woman, born in Tokyo but was adopted and raised here by a Caucasian couple since age 3. I have lived here all but three years of my life so I would consider myself an all-American woman except for the fact that I look Asian on the outside.

I have been married twice and divorced twice. My last child is almost finished with high school so I am entering the empty nest years. I began dating again, trying out Match.com and other dating sites. Met some very nice men but most of them commented that although they found me attractive and sweet, they just didn't feel any chemistry with me on the first dates. Frankly, I am not sure how one can know if there is chemistry just on the first date alone but that was most of their reasons for not wanting to see me again.

Fast forward, I have been seeing this Frank (also age 54) since last April. He is Guatemalan, born in Guatemala but moved to Dallas when he was 10. His English is perfect and we get along well. He seems to love my company and I likewise. So the reason for writing is because even though we get along well when we go places and do things together, there is no show of affection on his part even after I tried to voice my concerns and even show him by hugs, a kiss. He calls me his girlfriend but doesn't won't to show any physical affection or show any romantic gestures. The only thing he feels comfortable doing is giving me a hug when we meet and say our goodbyes. We never have been intimate and for awhile he did say he was interested in a intimate relationship with me but not for intercourse but for oral sex, which I do not care for and he knows this. He told me he is not interested in sexual relationship because he is very small (genitals) and because he as diabetes, he can't perform. I could understand this but I am unwilling to participate in oral sex with him when he won't show the slightest bit of affection or be romantic. His request is not agreeing with me.

I also have a trust issue with him because he doesn't handle frustration well. When he gets frustrated when I ask him about a topic (and he always told me to feel free to ask him anything), he goes into this sarcasm mode and starts flinging sarcastic jabs my way regarding my physical appearance or beliefs. He said something one time that offended me about Mexicans, which I find ironic since he is Latino, and he sent me an email full of sarcastic meanness about God, people, race,etc. Since I am Asian, he made some remark asking why I won't trust him and all he wanted was for me to be his Asian slave girl. That remark just dumbfounded me. Another time, I couldn't go with him to an event due to work, so I told him to take a friend and go without me. It wouldn't bother me. He replied in an email that I was the best girlfriend ever because I was giving him permission to date other women, have an open relationship. Nowhere in my comment to him regarding taking someone else to this event he wanted to attend did I mention to date other women, etc. In other words, he takes what I say in writing out of context and twists the words and makes a sarcastic remark in return.

He has apologized to me once I told him how I felt and how his remarks were hurtful but now and then he sends emails that are full of sarcasm and unnecessary jabs when I have commented on things that have nothing to do with him. He doesn't handle confrontation well or being frustrated so he goes into sarcasm mode. He considers me to have no sense of humor but when sarcasm is directed in a way to offend or hurt intentionally or unintentionally, why would I fully trust him?

He wants me to move in with him but I have changed my mind about that. He even mentioned marriage but I am trusting my intuition this time that his sarcasm would never go away and eventually it would become worse whenever he could not handle any conflicts, confrontations, or disagreements with me. When I told him he is handling frustrations in an immature way and there are ways to handle it more maturely, he replied with a snide comment if I wanted someone mature, go date an 80 year old man. It is comments like this that baffle me as to why he feels he can act this way on paper however in person, he is as sweet a person as one could find.

Can you share any insights as to why he acts the way that he does? Just trying to understand him. Why is he so sweet in person but when chatting with me by email, he sometimes is the opposite. By the way, we don't call each other because he talks too fast for me to understand his thick English accent and I got tired of asking him to repeat things and he got tired of me asking.

Why are you still with him? He sounds like a jerk. He does not have the nerve to be a jerk to your face. There are more cons than pros here.

He is who he is and maybe the writing comes off as crass but that's just him. I have no clue of his past, or yours to be honest that makes either of you who you are, but maybe you should ask about his past and find out more about him. I agree though,I doubt he changes much, nor should he,or you for that matter.

After almost a year you have had a preview of life with him and you either accept his bad points or reject him entirely. Sometimes understanding doesn't come for a long time before you realize it's not worth it, and I'm sure you understand that having been married and divorced twice.

Maybe he just ain't the one, and you should rethink this arrangement and look for someone with more good qualities than bad ones you don't understand. The only insight I can give you is trust your instinct and clearly he rubs you the wrong way, and you don't trust him. That's enough for me to consider exploring better options and opportunities or stop communicating by text, or writing.

So one person is a jerk, I dated 10 different people before I got married this last time.

You should have dumped him long ago, you have different values, different sexual interest before we even address the other things.

Do you have issues with causal dating, dating several people, and then narrowing down or dumping all and finding more.