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Sierra_Leone · Aug 19, 2009, 09:18 PM

It is happening again! Here is a story. I used to date a married guy for 3 years. I developed strong emotions for him, but in the end we broke up. He was not ready to leave his wife. Yeah. After the break up I would not date guys for 2 years. Just could not. Something inside me broke. Well, now after I have finally got over the break up another married guy comes along my way. And I am having crush on him! He is my work colleague and we have been working close for the past 3 month. In fact, I actually slept with him once! What is wrong with me? Why can't I meet a nice single guy? I am quite attractive (so my friend says) and not stupid (or maybe am)... but apparently that is not all it takes to have a happy and proper relationship!. I am 22.

friend4u178 · Aug 19, 2009, 09:21 PM

Why don't you appeal to your conscience and ask it to help you stop cheating with other women's men.

BlackVY · Aug 19, 2009, 09:27 PM

I guess you keep doing this because some woman like the chase of a married man. They like having a man they know is off the market and out of bounds. That just makes the man more attractive apparently.

At least you know its wrong, but you must be able to stop yourself. You must be strong and not let this kind of things happen. You are doing it, so only you can stop yourself.

To maybe put yourself off this a little more, put yourself in the other woman's shoes, where you are married to a guy you loves and he is cheating on you. How would you feel? What would you think of the other woman?

Basically you know its wrong and you shouldn't do it, so do the right thing and stop all this. Don't go looking for married man. Be happy in yourself and love will find you, and it will be the right guy, not a married man

Sierra_Leone · Aug 20, 2009, 12:38 AM

I am not sure if married men are more attractive to me. But maybe somewhere in suboncious level they are...
I can find strength to stop seeing him before it has gotten too far like the previous time. But that is not the main problem! I just can't understand why I can't have relationship with single guys? Like I said before, I have not beeng dating for 2 years after my beak-up. There were a couple of nice single guys that showed interest in me, but things did not work with them and I do not know why. While with this married man, all things went so smoothly, without a hitch. Why is it like that? I feel like I will never be able to see myself as someone who deserve to be the only one to his partner. Maybe I have low self esteem? There are single men who find me attractive, but things do not work with them

eduman12 · Aug 20, 2009, 02:56 AM

Because you have sex with them and because you entertain their ignorant conversation. If it isn't working with single guys it is probably because they find out you are messing and sleeping with married men and you look like a bad word to single guys. Sorry to sound mena, but the question is silly. You can be attracted to anyone, but if they are married then they should be off limits in your book, but you just sit on here and said you slept with married men. Sorry I have no respect for that.

CFZD · Aug 20, 2009, 04:18 AM

Some women complain why they've never met a good man, never look at how they behave themselves.

OP, you should start looking into yourself.

I feel sorry for the wives, how do you feel if you were their wives?

artlady · Aug 20, 2009, 04:26 AM

I'm just assuming you have commitment issues and married men are safe
Or maybe your just whorish and have no values.

Actually I had another comment for you but the mods took it off.
I would say to you payback is a MO FO.

smiley8 · Aug 20, 2009, 04:30 AM

Maybe you like the excitement of it being wrong and dangerous or it could be you want what you can't have and that makes you want them more. :confused:

talaniman · Aug 20, 2009, 07:40 AM

Did you have sex with the single guys too? Why didn't it work? Your choice or theirs??

I don't think its just married guys, as it seems its just guys in general. Stop having sex. You obviously can't handle it.

artlady · Aug 20, 2009, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Did you have sex with the single guys too?? Why didn't it work?? Your choice or theirs???

I don't think its just married guys, as it seems its just guys in general. Stop having sex. You obviously can't handle it.

I smell fish! What a dish :eek:

Justwantfair · Aug 20, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Sierra_Leone

I am quite attractive (so my friend says) and not stupid (or maybe am)

Self-esteem issues could help you keep getting involved in relationships that do not have any potential.

By dating 'unavailable' men, you already have your excuse for why a relationship fails. You do not have to accept any responsibility of having a functional relationship with men, because these men were never available for you in the first place.

artlady · Aug 20, 2009, 09:40 AM

Everyone your attracted to does not have to end in bed.

There is a thing called restraint and also morals.
You are here because of your guilt and honey ,we are not your confessors.
But I am goings to tell you this.. NEVER mess with some one who is hooked up.

You are doing YOURSELF a great injustice.

Honor yourself my dear and never allow anyone to treat you that less who you are!

I think you are a nice girl,you have guilt,like you should.

Do the right thing ,this lying cheater will never be there for you.

I'm sorry if I was mean to before.

My family just went through a cheating scenario and everyone is devastated.

You will be a victim as well,so I should be sorry for you instead of jumping on you. Sorry.

I wish · Aug 20, 2009, 02:38 PM

Unless you haven't given us more information, it doesn't sound like 2 married men is a huge sample size. Maybe it just happens that you are attracted to these two men in particular.

However, that's no excuse for you to sleep with them. These are married men, they have a wife at home. I'm not even sure how you can respect their integrity. Do you not realize that they are cheating on their wives? How is that attractive?

Have more self-respect. There are two issues. You can be attracted to them, but there's something called restraint.

As for why you can't attract single guys, it probably just means that you haven't met the right one. You need to keep meeting new people.

Gemini54 · Aug 20, 2009, 09:13 PM

The fact that you are questioning this pattern in your behavior is really good, and hopefully is the first sign that you're dealing with it.

My perspective is that the relationships we choose tend to be reflections of ourselves and often they reflect back to us the unacknowledged or denied aspects of ourselves.

You are attracted to married men and this, in my mind, says something about your fear of commitment and your fear of being intimate with someone that is available and exclusive, because married men are not available and they can't be exclusive:

Married men have problems with commitment - so do you.
Married men are not able to be intimate - neither are you.
Married men need to know that they can escape if they want to - so do you.
Married man are essentially emotionally unavailable - so are you.

So with this in mind, you can perhaps explore why you're not available for a 'real' relationship, why you're afraid of commitment and what has brought you to this point. If you can begin to understand your unconscious motivations you can then begin to change the pattern and choose healthy relationships with single men.