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    KyleS28's Avatar
    KyleS28 Posts: 80, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Aug 22, 2010, 04:11 PM
    At what point is it unfair to date multiple people?
    I have been dating this girl for 6 weeks. She is starting to push for becoming exclusive. I am currently dating multiple people. At what point is it unfair to date multiple people?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #2

    Aug 22, 2010, 04:13 PM

    You never have to stop dating other people (as long as you haven't told one of them the two of you are exclusive).

    Do you want to be exclusive with this girl?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #3

    Aug 22, 2010, 04:15 PM

    When both of you are in agreement to it. There is no set time limit... some people know very early on, some continue to date others for months.

    Your timing for wanting a more committed relationship is just different from each other. Do not rush into it if you are not wanting to take that step just yet. It sounds like you are enjoying time with some of the other girls and getting to know them as well. That is what dating is all about.

    If you wanted to be with her exclusively at this point, you wouldn't have to ask... :)
    bidingmytime's Avatar
    bidingmytime Posts: 92, Reputation: 13
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    #4

    Aug 22, 2010, 04:20 PM

    I have been thinking about this recently a lot. A while back I started casually dating two guys at one time, then gradually things got more serious and more complicated. One guy just assumed without talking to me that we were exclusive. The other guy knew I had another boyfriend and was pushing me to break up with him. It got to be a super stressful situation and I lost a friend out of it =o(

    To prevent this from happening again. I think at the point when you kiss someone, that's when you need to have a talk with them and tell then that you do or don't want to be exclusive and where you stand. As long as you are honest with the girl you are dating it is OK to date other people. It's not OK to lead someone to believe you are not seeing someone else when you are.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Aug 22, 2010, 08:40 PM

    Once you make the promise that you are both exclusive, then that's it for dating others, but if your not ready to stop dating whomever you want, your just not ready.
    KyleS28's Avatar
    KyleS28 Posts: 80, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Aug 22, 2010, 09:16 PM

    We've kissed, so do I tell them that I am dating other people as well? Can I phrase it in a way that will be better received as I know she will not be happy with me dating other women.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #7

    Aug 22, 2010, 09:29 PM

    A kiss doesn't mean you two are exclusive. A kiss is a sign of affection. Would she think your kissing her means you are now dating only her?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #8

    Aug 22, 2010, 10:09 PM

    Personally I don't know why this hasn't been discussed from minute one. If you're dating, and you're not ready to be exclusive with anyone, why not be upfront about it as soon as you ask her, or she asks you, on a date?

    It's as simple as "I'm not ready to be exclusive with anyone and I think it's only fair that you know I will be dating other people".
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Aug 23, 2010, 04:44 AM

    Dating around is all about honesty, I think any interaction is, but use some common sense also, because communicating honestly also means acting responsibly, so wrap your head around not being overtly intimate when you know someone likes YOU.

    If she has expressed being exclusive after a few weeks that's when you're honest, and simply say to her that though you love her company, your not ready for that step. This is when she needs to know why, and at the risk of her changing her mind about you, and not dating at all, and even being upset, you still have to be honest because sometimes you have to know when to back off, way off, and go about your business, and let her go about hers.

    You have to be very careful of how you are intimate with people you date, and be very sensitive about hurting them, as its easy to be labeled a player, or a user, and without being honest, and upfront, that would be true.

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