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    GoingtoJail99's Avatar
    GoingtoJail99 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 9, 2008, 06:43 PM
    What can I do.Me and my boyfriend (over year and 5 months) fight everyday.
    What can I do.
    He's changed so much.
    He listens to me but he doesn't hear my words. Then he just makes assumptions about things that I have said!
    He started by being this amazing man. Im 19 and he is 25 by the way.
    He is one of the guys in the world that if he finds that one girl... he just falls so in love with her.
    That's what he did to me.
    I made a mistake with my last boyfriend by cheating on him for this one. And now after I got with me... he always talks about my ex.
    When I was in the relationship with my ex, me and my current boyfriend where all friends... but them we later on during the years started to like each other. He made me promise him that I would not have sex with the boy that I was with because he knew that the way he was treating me was not right... (ex man) was really emo and kind of phy abusive. So from all the hurt that I had indured... I promised... later on during the year.. I broke my promise and did sleep with me because he was my best friend and my first love. Well one my my best friends and the time... (NOT NOW) told the other guy I was talking to that I had slept with him... and the story basically continues with him not talking to me for about 6 months...
    Well I ended up telling my current boyfriend at that time that I had cheated on him by only talking to another man... he forgave me... but at this time I was so confused on who I really needed and had to be with...
    So I chose the other guy... lets call him... ace... well we have been together for that long on the top of the page... well every since we got together... he has not trusted me on anything! He told me because I was a cheater... I know it was wrong that I cheated.. but I will never do it again. The worst part was that I cheated for him..
    He controlled me... still does.. not letting me talk to people, wear things, have a job were guys are, everything you can imagine that deals with guys...
    Well later on about a year and 2 months... I hacked his myspace...
    He had messages from his ex... which I knew she commented him but not about the letters... one of the letters contained... I love you, xoxo, I miss you and call me... but she is married... I confronted him about it and asked for his myspace password like I never hot on in... and he fought with me for over two hours about it...
    I finally got it and got back on...
    And all the letters where gone...
    I WAS ING FURIOUS!
    I told him about it and he acted like I didn't know what I was talking about... later on confessed but told me he did it along time ago... I knew he was not to be trusted...
    All he kept saying was I'm sorry.. but she's married... and I love you was just friendly...

    He controlled me for over and year about my ex... but now that I have trust problems and put up with all his questions and controlling for that long... he couldn't take mine...
    Everything I ask he gets so mad...
    All I can say is that this story has so much more too is and its so hard to not cry while typing... but I don't know what to do anymore...
    We talk about kids and marriage...
    I even let him have sex with me all the time and even sometimes in me... I;m on the pill..
    Its just I give everything to him and all he does is just turn it on me...
    Please someone help me... anyone that has to say anything no matter what it is if your reading this... please write something... give me hope and pray... my life already is really bad... no joke.. ex with severe depression and anxity... please pray
    Thank you..
    :confused:
    bones252100's Avatar
    bones252100 Posts: 253, Reputation: 29
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    #2

    Dec 9, 2008, 07:37 PM
    Forget him & move forward in your life. It's a long life & you have no idea yet of the people you will meet. Your situation has no benefits for you. The only future in this relationship is heartache. Stand on your own two feet & walk away. If he "suddenly" changes his attitude & wants to make amends, it's just a lie. After you allow him back into your life, he will return to his old ways which is what he wanted. You received this treatment because you allowed it. He found soneone who would be allowed to be treated they way & he loves it. If you don't allow him to return he will have to find another sucker. I'm a 59 year old man who has seen many of this these types of situations. It WILL NOT change for the better. But you can! The best two words of your problem were the last two. PLEASE PRAY.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #3

    Dec 9, 2008, 07:39 PM

    Sounds like you need to make a clean break from him. Can you move away?
    If you can't get away then you need to tell him that if he is not happy with you why does he stick with you if he thinks you are cheating on him.
    He figures he has you where you have nowhere to turn so he can treat you however he wants.
    babyshooter11's Avatar
    babyshooter11 Posts: 84, Reputation: 5
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    #4

    Dec 10, 2008, 10:48 PM

    Maybe you both just aren't meant to be. I think that some space whether it be permanent or not is definitely needed.
    GoingtoJail99's Avatar
    GoingtoJail99 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 14, 2008, 10:56 AM
    He has been perfect for the past couple of days... and now... where fighting... again.
    I don't want to leave him... ive shared too much with him... you don't even know.. im scared that if I left that things would happen... can't really ex much,. but like I said.. too much has been shared... :mad:
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #6

    Dec 14, 2008, 06:14 PM

    What do you think would happen to you if you left? If your scare he would physically harm you then go get an order of protection against him and move far away from him. Do you've any family? If not, they've plenty of shelte out there.

    This guy has killed your self-esteem and confidence because otherwise you would see that this relationship is not healthy and can lead to something dangerous.

    Having someone control your every move, tell you who to hang out with, what to wear, separate you from friends and family, isn't love. Right now your just someone under his control who he can boss around and treats you like crap.

    Don't you think you deserves better? Getting mareried and having kids won't solve anything and won't change him. Can you really imagine rasing kids in the household with him? Have he put his hand on you?

    Calling you a cheated holds no weight on how he treats you because he knew before hand that you was involved with someone when you two hooked up and he didn't have any problems with being with you. However this is the least of your problems and you deserve better.

    You need to see an counselor because and build up yourself to see that you deserve better. This guys views you as his property and your nobody property. Sooner or later his control will turn to him putting his hands on you.


    Get out now while you can before it's too late. Here is the domestic violence hotline number 1-800-799-7233. They can help you and will provide shelter, counselling, and they can arrange car service to pick you up.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Dec 14, 2008, 06:24 PM

    You need to get away, NOW, don't make excuses for him.
    sweet20's Avatar
    sweet20 Posts: 35, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Dec 14, 2008, 09:14 PM
    Girl... I was in that same situation about 2 weeks ago including that myspace... I was with him for about 1yr 6 months... its not worth it there's so many men out there that could make u happy... oh and he isn't going to change so don't expect it...
    GoingtoJail99's Avatar
    GoingtoJail99 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Dec 16, 2008, 05:54 PM

    I try so hard to get to the point were I tell him that I will not be around anymore. But he just doesn't seem to care about any of it when he is mad. I don't know what to do and I'm not saying that I don't have any problems of not being mean to him because I have. WE fight and yell all the time. But no he has never hit me, but he does throw things. Its really scary. I told him the other day when he asked about this guy that I kissed him but I was not him a relationship with him, and he got really mad because I didn't tell him before. He screwed me over not telling me and lying to me that his ex told him that she loved him... but is so distrusting in me for something I was honest about not in the relationship with him... its like he just wants to get at me with anything that he can find to get... its really starting to take my toll... there is the other guy that I cheated on... and I know that he loves me a lot and begged me to be with him after I left... he even loved me after I told him that I cheated on him with the guy I'm with now... well not he's with another girl and she's pregnant... and I know that in my heart... if it never worked out with this one... that I know he would be it... but what should I do... ever since I have broken up with him I've had dreams about him... I gave my virginty to him... I just don't know what to do... I don't know where to turn to... I don't know what choice to choose... beucase if I go back to him... his girlfrind now would go crazy and she's pregnant... but I know that he will always want to be with me... he told me and I hear it from all my friends... and he's cheated on his pregnant girl.. everything is just so f'ed... please give more advice... im spilling my heart
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #10

    Dec 16, 2008, 06:01 PM

    There is nothing worth being with this guy for
    Lying, cheating, fighting you should be thankful beyond words that you are away from him.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #11

    Dec 16, 2008, 07:51 PM

    You don't tell him you want to leave, just leave. You owe him nothing.

    Leave your ex alone. He already has a girlfriend that is pregnant that is enough for you to leave him alone. If you loved him you would have never cheated on him with this loser and your life might have been different.

    Any how, jumping from one relationship to another is no good. You need to be by yourself for a while and work on yourself so that you will never allow yourself to be mistreated. Build up yourself confidence, worth, and estem and then you'll see the difference in yourself.

    It seems like you don't want to be alone but being alone for a while is good and does wonders. Love yourself before you love someone else. You can prove you love yourself by moving on and that starts by leaving this guy and don't get involve with your ex.
    SimpleguyJoe's Avatar
    SimpleguyJoe Posts: 302, Reputation: 68
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    #12

    Dec 16, 2008, 10:49 PM

    Honestly this is what I hear when I read this post... I cheated on my boyfriend then actually expected my new one to trust me. Now that he doesent trust me I don't trust him so we both became part-time interrogators, we have no trust and no basis for a real relationship...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Dec 17, 2008, 12:17 AM

    You don't have a relationship as it is since, its was built on lies, deception, and cheating, hmmmm, no wonder there is no trust.

    Leave ASAP, and realize the grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence.

    You really need to be alone, and learn to love yourself, and not depend on a guy to make you happy.

    Get a job, and a life, and be at peace with yourself.
    GoingtoJail99's Avatar
    GoingtoJail99 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Dec 18, 2008, 08:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by SimpleguyJoe View Post
    Honestly this is what I hear when I read this post... I cheated on my boyfriend then actually expected my new one to trust me. Now that he doesent trust me I dont trust him so we both became part-time interrogators, we have no trust and no basis for a real relationship...
    No I don't trust him because his ex told him she loved him and he lied to me and hid it and I caught him...
    kristenicole24's Avatar
    kristenicole24 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Dec 18, 2008, 09:00 PM

    GIRL you are beating yourself up for NOTHING this guy sounds like a nobody I would have left him forever ago.

    DO NOT let someone tell you what to wear or where you can and can't work you are your own person.

    You sound like a very sweet girl.

    Don't let him break you down like this yeah you cheated big deal.

    He shouldn't throw it in your face that's bull.
    He doesn't deserve you. You should move forward with your life get it together you will never be happy if you don't. Because right now you are tearing yourself down and giving him everything and pretty soon its going to drive you up the wall crazy.
    I know you probably love him and care for him so much but there are way better people in the world for you. People who have love to give and who probably are more caring that he ever could be.

    People change sometimes for the better sometimes for the bad.

    Don't let him change you.
    You are your own person.

    And don't let him make you feel guilty for anything you have done. You did what you did and you know its wrong you don't need some reminding you everyday.

    He shouldn't have ANY control over you. At all. But YOU shouldn't give him that control either. Stand up for yourself.
    Sometimes you have to hurt others to make yourself happy.

    And YOU seem like you need to be happy.

    I would get away from all his bull.


    But correct me if I'm wrong..
    GoingtoJail99's Avatar
    GoingtoJail99 Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Dec 19, 2008, 08:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kristenicole24 View Post
    GIRL you are beating your self up for NOTHING this guy sounds like a nobody i would have left him forever ago.

    DO NOT let someone tell you what to wear or where you can and can't work you are your own person.

    you sound like a very sweet girl.

    dont let him break you down like this yeah you cheated big deal.

    he shouldnt throw it in your face thats bull.
    he doesnt deserve you. you should move forward with your life get it together you will never be happy if you dont. because right now you are tearing your self down and giving him everything and pretty soon its going to drive you up the wall crazy.
    i know you probably love him and care for him so much but there are way better people in the world for you. people who have love to give and who probably are more caring that he ever could be.

    people change sometimes for the better sometimes for the bad.

    dont let him change you.
    you are your own person.

    and dont let him make you feel guilty for anything you have done. you did what you did and you know its wrong you dont need some reminding you everyday.

    he shouldnt have ANY control over you. at all. but YOU shouldnt give him that control either. stand up for yourself.
    sometimes you have to hurt others to make youself happy.

    and YOU seem like you need to be happy.

    i would get away from all his bull.


    but correct me if im wrong..

    Your not wrong... I don't know what to do anymore... tonight just got more worse and I lit feel like I have no heart now. I always though I knew what it felt like to be broken... but know I know being broken... you lit feel like your dying from a broken heart...
    He told me I was... I can't even ex it... I can't even breath... I can't feel... just my heart is so... empty...
    I just need someone... I need someone to really care... I need someone to need and love me too...

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