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    ItWasMe's Avatar
    ItWasMe Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 12, 2010, 01:56 PM
    Very confused about a Woman Friendship/More/Friendship then more?
    So a few months ago a Woman started to talk to be at work and come to see me everyday, I never really noticed her before but after she took interest in me, I obviously did.
    All my work colleagues started to say that she likes me and that it is obvious and that I'm blind not to see it, I brushed this off and said that I have had friends in the past
    That are girls that like me as a friend as I'm very calm, fun, friendly and open.
    She talked about flirty things and suggested going out for lunch, we did all this and the next weekend we went to watch a film and back to hers for a nice game or two on her
    Games console.
    She has 2 children with an ex partner that she is still in contact with for the children and explained that when I see them for the first time to go along with the story she
    Says as not to confused them.

    Later I realised that I had dated her friend a few years ago and promptly told her and explained the situation, she explain that they do not gossip and would never really
    Discuss things like this. She also made a joke about it and She also explain that she gets on very well with males as opposed to females and that she has a lot of "guy"
    Friends.

    We have continued to have fun together and communicate every day since the day I gave her my mobile number ( she will text me many times through the day from morning to
    Evening and some times call, which she states I'm very lucky to receive a call as there is only a few people she calls), she's very friendly and seems to be very open as a
    Person, not just to me but to everybody she knows or has just met,she says she trusts me and tells me everything about her life and situations etc.

    We often hug at the end of the day after we see each other and since the initial encounter with the children she told me that they liked me, and since we have been going out for
    Meals and activities with the children. We went out on Christmas Eve for some fun and then a nice meal before swapping some presents and saying bye, We then saw each other on
    Boxing day and New years day as well.

    She has been VERY huggy in the past and She's told me that I am her best "guy" friend and that we really gel and click and she doesn't need to worry around me and feels very
    Calm knowing we can sit in silence and not have to fill in the gaps. She also says that she can tell the people that will stay with her for a long time and I'm one of them. On New years day she told me she would be meeting with some guy friends that she has known for a while the
    Next day for a meal and that they were "not as cool as me".

    She sends me texts stating that I'm her best male friend and that she's glad that I'm her friend, and has said that people would find it hard to believe that we are just
    Friends and that nothing else is going on.

    I have always allowed her to make the decisions and would never "make a move" as her situation is very delicate and I would NEVER want to mess up our friendship.

    I recently found out through a work friend that she is very friendly with other males and that she has other friends like me who sound to be in the same situation, things that
    Were special things I thought she did just for me, seems to be a "routine" that she does with anybody new (this could be the opposite way and she is sharing with me things
    Others have with her but I don't know) Things like writing poems and talking openly about her life and sending pictures etc

    I asked once "we are just friends right?" to which she replied hesitantly "oh ... yes" but looked indifferent, this could be taken as either a shock as to why I would think
    Otherwise or as to not being anything more, I'm not too sure I really didn't read it well.

    My very close friend thinks there must be more as she spent some significant time (and dates like Christmas eve,boxing day, new years day etc) with me and is mostly in constant
    Contact from morning to night, I think we are just friends and if I ignore all the talk from friends and colleagues that's what I believe is the case, I think my feelings are
    Starting to develop in to something more than friends but I'm not sure.

    In the last few days after my work friend told me, I have been communicating less with her, I'm not sure if I'm sulking, upset or what but I just feel a little sad now and I'm not sure what to do.

    I'm VERY confused and have a few questions:

    Am I just another statistic?
    Does this sounds like something more than friends?
    Do we have something special or is this just her style of friendship?
    Is she lonely and just wants friendly company ?
    What do I do? I want to ask for clarity but I also do not want to risk our friendship etc
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    Jan 12, 2010, 03:47 PM
    You won't know answers to many of the questions you ask, until you know her better.

    While I would take what other people say with a grain of salt, it doesn't seem to me to be malicious in nature, it seems they are looking out for your best interests. Time will tell.

    You have to be realistic too. She has two children. If the relationship does continue into more than friendship, are you willing to take on a more significant role with her children? Personally, I think it's not a good idea to introduce a new man into the mix so early in the relationship, just my opinion.

    I don't think that you are sulking, I think your instinct is telling you to be cautious. Best to listen now, then have regrets later on down the road.
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Jan 12, 2010, 06:11 PM

    There's nothing wrong with being friends. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to rush into a relationship. The more you get to know her as a friend, hang out with her and spend time with her, the more you will both get more comfortable with each other, and a relationship may happen. For now, just be friends.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert
     
    #4

    Jan 13, 2010, 11:51 AM
    I think you're friendship is established enough that you can have a serious conversation about your situation and whether there is a possibility of taking things to the next level.

    If she has the same feelings for you, then great!

    If not, the worst thing that can happen is that she really only does see you as a friend. Your friendship will only be affected if you continue to be friends in hopes of her changing her mind. That train of thought generates false hope and builds tension. But if you are able to accept her feelings (that she only wants to be friends), then a friendship will flow more naturally.

    But beware that she has a lot of baggage and once you get more involved in her life, you will have to carry some of that baggage as well.
    Jewel80's Avatar
    Jewel80 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    Feb 18, 2013, 04:21 PM
    Hi, I think you mentioned that you asked her "we are just friends... right? I'm a woman and if a man asked me that question I would assume he was rejecting me as a mate and wanting to be just a friend. I think she is now afraid to take things further in case you reject her, as in her mind you were looking for reassurance from her that she didn't want anything more than friendship. To her, that would mean that you didn't want to be anything more than friends. She needs to know you want to be serious, if that is indeed the case.

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