Hi there,

I've been with my b/f for 7 years, engaged for 4! We broke up loads during the first few years (he broke up with me), then have been steady since year year 3 when he proposed. He has these cycles where everything is fine and suddenly everything in his life is crap! They tend to happen in a 6 month cycle. I've always tried to be really supportive and potentially too tolerant, I think after 7 years it has started to wear me down and I feel like I want to be there for him, but we just have such different ways of dealing with things.

He's an amazing man, but we are so different... you could say not on the same wave length at times. He likes to stay in, I love to be out (wheher that's having a coffee or going for dinner), we don't really have the same sense of humour, we communicate differently, he wants to be in another part of the country where he grew up I want to stay where we are. I would love to have children he will have them for me, but isn't really bothered by the idea of having babies... so many little things we swept under the carpet in the past becase we love each other so much, but here's the thing, we are now in our mid thirties... both of us aren't looking to get married to one another and I can't imagine thinking about bringing a child into the world when I feel like this.

So we have been talking on and off for several months and there seems to be no resolution, we just go around in circles. I am talking to a therapist, which he is aware of. So even when we try to have a good time, I feel this underlying constant pressure.

He's really trying at the moment and I really want to try too, but I can't trust it! I can't trust that I will feel in limbo all the time, never moving forwards. Also the rollercoaster of his emotions and his capacity to deal with everyday life. I feel drained and I feel selfish and guilty!

These are my underlying feelings, but when I'm with him, it feels like I am being ridiculous. I think the wound is too deep now, we are out of band aids. I petrified of making the wrong decision?

Thank you or taking time to read this, your thoughts are welcome?

My thoughts on this are what yours are - people write about a relationship with a question mark but have really answered it themselves. You want to break up. You are holding back out of the usual fears about hurting him and of your own fears about your future starting over.
So now my comments: you are in your 30s and need to look deep within yourself about having children NOW. If that hits a chord as high priority, please say so below.
Therapy is great if you have your own problems, but I don't see you as neurotic. You might be better served by making a list of what is missing and sorting it by importance. Turn what you wrote here into a list!
If # 1 is marriage and children, be absolutely blunt with him. How many kids, financial plan, all the basics.
If his reaction is non-committal, if he won't acknowledge a woman's right to ask for that one special favor to her biological clock, then it's time to go.

& years and lots of break ups, you guys are not on the same page... you sound like your mind is made up but you don't want to do what your mind is telling you to do.
All of this back and forth gets old and you are not getting any younger and you two are not on the same page. I would talk to him, but I would also walk away.
If you guys don't know what you want after all this time, maybe you don't want each other. Sounds like you've just become use to each other and the relationship but it's going nowhere.