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xoxobaby46 · Jan 16, 2009, 11:51 PM

Well I have a nice, comfortable, sweet, cute, trustable boyfriend named brian. I also have friend named erica. Now we are all best friends and they are to. But my problem is that whenever we go on three way call or something trhey are always talking to each other and I feel invisable. I feel like I am talking t a wall or soemthing. And it really hurts my feelings. And whenever I talk to brian ( my biyfrien) and I tell my friend she want to go on three way call but like I don't know if I want to cause I don't want to stay on the ine if I can't talk. But they talk all the time and they are in the same class. I think they really like ach other but they say they don't. My boyfriend ( brian) proberly doesn't but I don't know if I can trust my friend erica. I think she might try to get him away from me. I truly love brian and would never let him go. I would take a buttlet for him. So I need help seeign if my best friend really does like my boyfriend. Its really hurting me cause I think they are lying to me and my boyfriend is cheating on me and he says he is not. But I dk if I an believe them

NItEMArE129 · Jan 17, 2009, 08:52 PM

Explain to your boyfriend that you can't trust your friend and then let him decide. But if you don't think that you can trust him, the you should probably break it off before it gets too far down. Trust is essential to a relationship, and if you two don't have it, it won't end well.

shamika · Jan 19, 2009, 07:21 PM

I am 28 years old, Don't trust no female around your man, I would never engage in a three way call with my friend and her man, that's rude and annoying, and if she's a true friend she wouldn't even talk to him and over shadow you. She likes him and she's going to hook up with him, it's only a matter of time ( if it hasn't already happened). Here's the test, Call him and just have a normal conversation, if he brings up ericka once politely say I'm going to call you right back, and find 2 new friends because that means she is on his mind.

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 02:41 PM

Why use manipulation to find out? Why can't she just ask him upfront? It takes more maturity to be upfront and honest rather than sneak around and try to figure it out.

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 02:46 PM

You want to know why, not all females are real women. Eventually she really doesn't know her friend too well because she's second guessing their relationship, and as far as manipulation it's called smarts. It's more than one way to skin a cat.

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 02:58 PM

So instead of calmly approaching her boyfriend and finding out the truth, you want her to fake her way through this? If her friend isn't being genuine, which she probably already realizes by now anyway, then she should consider her relationship with her boyfriend. If they aren't too serious, then she should end it now and walk away. Instead of making a huge mess which will ensure that she can never pursue a friendship with her current boyfriend or her current friend in the future, why not end this all calmly, end a relationship that looks like it's heading to disaster anyway, and keep one more friend? We make enough enemies; friends are precious. She needs more information and if he boyfriend isn't interested, she should end it maturely and responsibly. Manipulation only breeds a larger mess. Getting your friends to ask guys if they like you and pretending you don't like guys in attempts to catch them is for elementary school kids. I know dozens of cases where being honest and upfront would have prevented a huge mess.

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 03:20 PM

You have too much time on your hands NIGHTMARE life is too short. She knows what to do.

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 03:35 PM

If she knew what to do, she wouldn't be asking on this forum now would she? And too much time on my hands? Excuse me? This forum is for helping people and hey, I enjoy doing that. So don't act so high and mighty. You have no response to what I just said and your replies have degraded to a simple insult to me. Grow up and understand that your not the only one with an opinion and start realizing that we're here to help people, not fight amongst each other.

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 03:39 PM

Now honey let me school you, You are very unprofessional. When I gave my opinion you took it upon yourself to comment on my answer, you can't get upset about advice I give, if you don't like log off. :./ Lol

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 03:40 PM

Oh and thanks for the compliments.

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 03:43 PM

I didn't get upset until you blatantly insulted me. And I did comment on your answer, yes, but I simply disagreed with what you said. I didn't insult you at all. And yet, you continued with your opinion and that's fine, so I continued to ask why you would ask her to do that. And then you insulted me and now it's come to this. And you call me childish? This is an open forum. We're not professionals. That's why it's free. And by the way, read the forum rules. Disagreeing is only for factually incorrect information like saying 1+1=11. You aren't allowed to use them for simply opposing an opinion.

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 03:46 PM

xoxobaby46, I am here to help and give my honest advice to whom ever wants it. I'm not going to sit here and write what soundsa good , I'm going to keep it 100% with everyone here. Life and reationships are about having fun and you have to be in touch with your star player ( AND THAT'S YOU ) keep in mind their's only one you.!

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 04:14 PM

Ok, now see, that is reasonable advice. And I don't think that's inaccurate. But manipulating someone else is just a lack of respect and you will never get definite answers anyway. Why couldn't you say that first instead of insulting me?

Kia · Jan 20, 2009, 04:45 PM

NT... what would make you think that the guy will be up front just because she confronts him? If he likes the friend, and she asks him about it of course he will probably say no! He wouldn't want to hurt her feelings; so I think a little manipulation in this situation to find out the truth might be warranted

But honestly, I think she should mention her feelings to the boyfriend about the situation. If the behavior continues I think she should look for someone new anyway because he would not be taking her feelings into account

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 04:57 PM

Okay, I am a guy, and I know a lot of guys, and I also know that guys don't want to hurt the girls they're in a relationship in. Period. But I also know that if any guy has any intelligence whatsoever, he would, once he realized he was hurting her, tell her the truth. And if he does lie, then he wasn't worth it in the first place. And it's all the easier to drop him. Period. Manipulation is a touchy subject. It's not okay to go with something insubstantial, such as him saying her name once. It's better to drive him into a corner and get him to confess. Give him a choice, straight up. Chances are, he'll pick the one he wants most. And as of now, she hasn't even let him know that this hurts her. If he's the kind of jackass to lie to her and then hook up with her best friend, then it'll be that much easier to kick him out when it's done and over. But if he turns out to be a good guy who's making a mistake, then what have you done? You instantly assume that he is a bad person and the he won't be truthful. WHY? I know that if my girlfriend got upset over me talking to another girl, I wouldn't talk to her. When I liked another girl, I told her. Not all guys are bad people. So stop making a generalization about us all. It's the same thing as being racist, but in a much broader horizon.

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 04:58 PM

And I might add Kia, you've been warned for sexist comments before. So why should this be any different?

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 08:15 PM

Nightmare how about not focusing so much attention on my comments and try helping someone. THANKS

liz28 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:36 PM

To the OP stop the 3 way calls if he can't talk to only you on the phone without someone else on the other end than you don't need to be talking to him let alone be in a relationship.

Yes, he might not like her now but if this continues then he might start liking her. Than who's the blame? Don't put nothing pass no one because I've done so in the past and was left being burned. Sometimes something so innocent can't wine up to be so wrong.

So right now your allowing this interactions to take place and now questioning it, well follow your intincts because they always point you in the right direction.

If I was you, I would confront both of them but in a civil matter. Do it in person than over the phone because you get to see their reaction and read their body language. If your like me you know when your mate or friends are lying. And don't be blind because tempation is everywhere.

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 09:17 PM

I agree