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ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 12:16 PM

I had been dating my ex for a year and 2 months... :( We fought about meaningless things, the usual stuff why didn't you hangout with me, past mistakes, even me leaving her in the town we grew up in (college). So she missed me a ton... but like I said we fought, during christmas break everything took a turn for the worst I was mad we didn't spend time together, she was mad that I was getting mad, not to mention being jealous... 3 weeks ago I got the its over for now speech... and "lets be friends" I did the texting like crazy and called more than I did when we dated probably altogether. Now I hear she is "talking" with a guy from my town and he plays the sweet guy, but he has a history of getting what he wants ( not rape) but yeah. I realized when it was over that I missed her more than what I thought. I would like another chance with her if you have ANY advice I would love to hear it. Btw we have gone our separate ways and seeing if not talking will fix anything.

kctiger · Feb 5, 2009, 12:20 PM

Before I offer any advice, I would highly suggest looking up previous threads titled "Can/How/Will I get my ex back?" or some variation of the above mentioned words.

I just feel like I am regurgitating my own words sometimes. I also want to ask, do you really just want her back now because you heard she is talking with another guy?

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Before I offer any advice, I would highly suggest looking up previous threads titled "Can/How/Will I get my ex back?" or some variation of the above mentioned words.

I just feel like I am regurgitating my own words sometimes. I also want to ask, do you realy just want her back now because you heard she is talking with another guy?

No, I wanted her back before I heard that... I have been thinking about how much she means to me and what not, but I don't know if she is thinking about me. I feel like there is a reason why we were together and now that she's gone... and I see how stupid I was I just need help on the steps I should take to show her I am changing and I am the guy for her. Does that help?

chuff · Feb 5, 2009, 02:45 PM

The problem you have is she knew this relationship was over months ago. Women hold onto a guy until the holidays are over and then get rid of him. Women start the new year fresh and she has done that.

Furthermore you can't ever win her or anyone else over because you not at point where you are comfortable with yourself. You have work on your own issues and bring you confidence up, because right now your grasping at straws.

talaniman · Feb 5, 2009, 03:30 PM

Strictly No Contact with her at all!!

neverme · Feb 5, 2009, 04:52 PM

Look these are only experiences but might help...

I recently got back with my ex, I still love her and wanted to make it work but it didn't. HUGELY SUPRISINGLY! lol

I went back and we had a great couple of weeks... then the fights started again, the mistrust, the hurt and all the rest of the less than enjoyable feelings that caused the break up to begin with.

I would not recommend it, to say the least.

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

The problem you have is she knew this relationship was over months ago. Women hold onto a guy until the holidays are over and then get rid of him. Women start the new year fresh and she has done that.

Furthermore you can't ever win her or anyone else over because you not at point where you are comfortable with yourself. You have work on your own issues and bring you confidence up, because right now your grasping at straws.

That is so true your right. I have been going about this the wrong way thanks. But will she want me back, or will she see this guy is better than me or what? I'll move on if need be but we just stopped talking completely this week so... is the book closed or not yet is there still a chance?

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Strictly No Contact with her at all!!!!!

There is no contact as of earlier this Monday so I am already there, will she miss me?

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by neverme

Look these are only experiences but might help...

I recently got back with my ex, I still love her and wanted to make it work but it didn't. HUGELY SUPRISINGLY! lol

I went back and we had a great couple of weeks......then the fights started again, the mistrust, the hurt and all the rest of the less than enjoyable feelings that caused the break up to begin with.

I would not recommend it, to say the least.

That sux man and I understand the advice... But as you tried to make it work and it didn't, I have to try and know for myself and try to get another chance, how did you get another chance anyway.

roxypox · Feb 5, 2009, 06:14 PM

yeah I have to say, I've also had a relationship where we broke up and got back together (okay we were extreme and did this about three times) first couple of weeks are great... but then the fighting starts back up...

why?

This is my theory (lol of course I can be wong!)

Two people who have a history can't start a fresh, not really, even if both parts say: hey lets start all over again and forget the past! The past doesn't go anywhere, its just there... and evey piece of it is a part of you somehow.

As for marks remark. Yeah it is true I'm afraid, at least for me, I have broken up with both my x bfs, and when I did, I was emotionally ready to let go.at least partly (in my case, I was the only one who tried both times to make the relationship work, and in the end I had to realize in case no.1 it wasn't going to, in case 2 it wasn't going to and it worth it!)

neverme · Feb 5, 2009, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by ceddie13

That sux man and I understand the advice... But as you tried to make it work and it didn't, I have to try and know for myself and try to get another chance, how did you get another chance anyways.

Eh to begin, I'm a bi woman, so the man comment... :) cheers! Lol no only joking

I didn't GET another chance, me and my ex decided that we both thought we might be able to make it work. If she doesn't feel that way then there is nothing you can do.

You can try, but you will end up more hurt and have to start the healing process all over again.

neverme · Feb 5, 2009, 06:59 PM

Ha cheers!!

NItEMArE129 · Feb 5, 2009, 07:06 PM

Do you want to put your faith into an unsure thing or search for it anew? This is the time for no contact.

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by roxypox

yeah i have to say, i've also had a relationship where we broke up and got back together (okay we were extreme and did this about three times) first couple of weeks are great... but then the fighting starts back up....

why?

This is my theory (lol of course I can be wong!)

Two ppl who have a history can't start a fresh, not really, even if both parts say: hey lets start all over again and forget the past! The past doesn't go anywhere, its just there... and evey piece of it is a part of you somehow.

As for marks remark. yeah it is true i'm afraid, at least for me, I have broken up with both my x bfs, and when i did, i was emotionally ready to let go.at least partly (in my case, I was the only one who tried both times to make the realtionship work, and in the end i had to realize in case no.1 it wasn't going to, in case 2 it wasn't going to and it worth it!)

Also a very good point, a little more info on the situation is, she told me that maybe on down the road we can be together but not now because she needs space. I have heard if I give her space she "will miss me" we dated for a year and she has always said before anyway she misses me and when the last time we talked last week it was still I miss you so I don't know. She has talked about this guy she is going to the dance with and how he is touchy and she doesn't like touchy guys but he's a good guy she says but he is also a guy if you date him he will "do stuff with you". So does she miss me and is she thinking about me while we are apart... and how long do I wait to talk to her... 3 weeks a month... The reason I know its not closed yet is because she hasn't let me go she said a little... any more advice friends I REALLY need it.

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Do you wanna put your faith into an unsure thing or search for it anew? This is the time for no contact.

Well of course I don't want to put my faith in a unsure thing, but I will take a chance on taking the right steps to try and be better and work things out... I have thought hard about this and all my relationships before I had a 2 year fling with this girl and I knew I needed to move on even if I liked her still and I did and I dated another girl for 8 months and she got crazy and moved on to my now ex... and this time it feels diff not because we dated longer but because as lame as this sounds we both NEVER closed the door we said the normal I'll cya around, I need space even if its meant to be lets see with separation, but there was no for sure WE ARE DONE.

neverme · Feb 5, 2009, 07:57 PM

Ceddie,

What does she want?

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 08:02 PM

Originally Posted by neverme

ceddie,

what does she want?

She wants, me to give her time... she has told me I'll be fine without her... and it would make it easier for her ( to basically move on) if I did first. But most of all I think she wants me to trust her with what she's doing now ( like with the not talking and what not) because I never could go along with it I was afraid if I did she would like someone else and forget about me. Did I mention she's a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college and we were 3 hrs from each other.

neverme · Feb 5, 2009, 08:10 PM

Ok, this may be hard to hear but she's done.

She doesn't want a relationship, she wants time and space to MOVE ON!

Ya, I'm sure she'd love if you moved on first (removes guilt) and then support her too. (all the emotional benefits of a boyfriend with you plus anyone else she feels like!! )

I'm sorry dude but its time to pick yourself up and move on

NItEMArE129 · Feb 5, 2009, 08:11 PM

Dude, she doesn't want drama from you right now. In other words, she doesn't want you in her life. She's telling you to get over her subtly, but she's telling you nonetheless. Move on and move out; she's not coming back. She's found something new but doesn't want to hurt you. Why not let her live her life without a burden from you?

ceddie13 · Feb 5, 2009, 09:58 PM

Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Dude, she doesn't want drama from you right now. In other words, she doesn't want you in her life. She's telling you to get over her subtly, but she's telling you nonetheless. Move on and move out; she's not coming back. She's found something new but doesn't want to hurt you. Why not let her live her life without a burden from you?

All right yeah it was hard to hear... I guess she is done and has moved on. I guess that answers the missing me question, and the if there is a chance of getting another chance question. I guess I have caused drama, thanks for the help any other advice or steps to move on?