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    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 6, 2006, 09:47 AM
    Need some help / opinion
    I've been swimming at the university pool since July and sort of known this boy. It took him a couple of weeks of saying 'hi' and chit chat to ask for my number and ask if I wanted to have lunch (that was August).
    Although we agreed to meet up (weeks later), he didn't show up... and had some reasons which I don't believe to be totally true.
    I eventually invited him to my house wraming party in September which he couldn't make it to cause he was sick.
    We've since exchagned online contacts and we do talk more comfortably now at the pool and online. He occasionally gives me lifts back to my house after swimming.
    We've since gone for coffee twice alone and a couple of dinners with another friend in October. He would suggest things like movie and watching TV shows together but wouldn't follow up on them although I agree to them.
    I like him and I feel he does like me as well but I have a hard time understanding why he never seems direct in approaching me... we may have a nice conversation over coffee one evening and the next evening... he might seem a little awkard... or he doesn't seem that sure of himself.
    Is that what is going on?
    He's said a lot about his family life or the lack of it... His mom is gay, been with a partner. He doesn't like to stay at home much. His dad (to my knowledge) is in his third marriage. He has a half sister from his dad's second marrige who had a baby at 19. He seems close to his uncle and seems to visit his grandmother a lot. He sometimes imply not being too happy with the way things are with his life, and seems to want to open up.
    I feel I could be a friend to him if nothing else... but I don't know where I stand with him... it feels like he's interested in me as more than a friend but then he doesn't consistently approach me in that sense. Is he just confused about his life or me?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #2

    Nov 7, 2006, 02:39 AM
    Have you told him this directly?
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 7, 2006, 04:58 AM
    You mean that I like him..?
    No...
    Should I or how does one go about saying something like that?
    It gets frustrating sometimes.. we had a nice coffee catch up on the weekend... I do see him at the pool everyday... but we haven't even really talked properly since that coffee, apart from just exchanging hey's and hi's.
    Like today... I notice him looking at me and stuff from the corner of my eye... but he won't approach to talk... and I find it hard to approach at the same time as well(mainly cause I don't feel that comfy in my swimmers and cause he sort of seems awkard with approaching me as well)
    :eek:
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10854
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    #4

    Nov 7, 2006, 05:33 AM
    What's the hurry? You've just started talking and maybe he is just not ready for anything more than casual friends for now. Slow down and think a minute, he likes you and likes talking to you. You sound as if you want to see a lot more o him and maybe now is not the time. This forum is full of those that moved to fast and wondered why they crashed and burned. Please show a little patients and proceed at a slower pace and have fun while you get to know each other.
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 7, 2006, 05:43 AM
    LOL...
    Yes.. that does make sense...
    I've never been the type to hurry with relationships but I seem to be very impatient at the moment..
    I think I might feel a little less uneasy with the situation if things were consistent I guess.
    Thanks.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #6

    Nov 7, 2006, 05:54 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Odie
    but I don't know where I stand with him... it feels like he's interested in me as more than a friend but then he doesn't consistantly approach me in that sense. Is he just confused about his life or me?
    When first meet my man we were good friend for 3 months until it blossomed!

    I was so confused I always wondered if he liked me more than just a friend :p my mates used to tell me "go for it, he really fancies you".. I was shy, unsure so I couldn't.
    His actions were confusing, you know!

    So 1 fine night, I meet with all our other friends, and started chatting and I told him "later tonight i would like to talk to you alone".. He was intrigued!

    Later that night I opened up to him, I expressed how I felt and I told him.

    7 years down the line, and we are now married :D
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:14 AM
    Should I just not let myself be all worked up about the inconsistancies... see how things go? I am going away for a month at the end of Nov... I guess there is a part of me that feels like if we are so washy wushy, we might have to start from scratch when I get back or he might not even want to talk to me then. ( actually now that I have said that out loud... it sounds so silly)
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #8

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:23 AM
    Yes maybe its best to leave it.
    You are not sure, so better leave it as it is.

    The reason I shared my experience is because I was sure, its different with you.

    What would you like to do before you go away?
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:27 AM
    Well... to be honest.. although it might be tooo early.. I'd like to know if he likes me...
    Or at least be comfortable being friends with each other...

    By the way, he's 6 years younger than me... it doesn't look like it bothers him... but I thought I should mention it anyway
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #10

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:34 AM
    Which makes him how old?
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:36 AM
    22
    I'm 28
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #12

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:39 AM
    So its been four months since you've known each other, how about trying going out together as friends before you chat about the bigger stuff?
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:51 AM
    I feel like we are kind of doing that now... for about a month now I guess... not always on our own, sometimes with a third person...
    He suggests going for movies , etc... but then he will do a 'never mind' even before we finish the conversation...
    He does that a lot... not just with movies actually
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #14

    Nov 7, 2006, 06:55 AM
    Then you should ask him say "hey, what do you mean exactly when first you suggest going to the movies etc, then you say 'nevermind' before we we finish our conversation?" :cool:
    Say it in a curious manner.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10854
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    #15

    Nov 7, 2006, 07:41 AM
    This guy is in a whole different place and I can understand his seeming to be wishy washy. He is still fresh in the world and you've seen a few things. Come on slow down, and let this guy catch up or at least get to know you, Understand he is going to protect himself and if you push too hard he will back pedal. I think you will need more than just patience, back up a lot and let him get to know you at his pace. Your putting too much into this too fast. Just me.
    Odie's Avatar
    Odie Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Nov 7, 2006, 08:20 AM
    Thank you both Talaniman and Krs.
    It helps a lot to have talked. :-)
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #17

    Nov 7, 2006, 08:22 AM
    You're welcome

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