Well I could do with some advice here if possible, Ive been dating a girl for a month or so. So far its been awsome we both look forward to seeing one another, chat on the phone etc.
The last date went went on was great until the end of the evening when she started to tell me about her ex boyfriend. Basically they split up and he was crushed, his brother attempted suicide 7 months before over his relationship ending, this was same time she wanted to split and she wanted to end it then but felt bad if she did. So she stayed in an unhappy relationship with him until she could take no more. They have been split for a year now. They have had a few bits of contact since mainly with him not being able to take being just friends with her. But she hasn't heard from him in a while until the morning of our last date. He basically sent her a letter pouring his heart out to her, which she said has got to her a bit. She said in no uncertain terms to me that she has no interest in going back with him but wants to let him down gently without it being to hard on him and her because she hates hurting people because she gets very upset herself, and that he is a friend and that's all and now she has to do it all over again.

She said she wanted to tell me about it in case I thought she was being funny or something along them lines. Now to me if a girl starts asking for a little space I kind of think she wants to end things. So I asked her if she did want to see me again because I'm a straight person and I prefer straight answers not excuses and I don't wish to be messed about, she said yes but lets not make any plans until I sort this out in the next few days.
We made out for a while after this then she went home, she sent me a text saying she got home and she hoped it was cool and no worries or anything and she will speak to me soon.

The next day we spoke and the subject came up of him in which she stated that she needs to fix this now, and that she is not at a point yet with me to be exclusive in which I told her I'm the same also but I do like her and would like to see her again,she replied with we will meet up again but she wants to deal with this now, and its better now than if we both are attatched to one another. She also read the letter out to me in which I didn't ask her to do. And said it was her way of asking for a litle space and that she felt pressure when I asked do you want to see me again.
I didn't mean for it to put pressure on her but I also in turn didn't want to hear an excuse if she wanted to end it which she understood.
She said she isn't wasting my time and she is at a point in life where she would like a boyfriend again and that she is genuine and an honest person.
She finished the chat with that she has to shoot and we will speak soon.

Any input on on this will be great! Sorry its long.

She wants to let the other guy down gently,and not cause him any pain,so she's going to take the time to help him ease into the breakup and except it...

But she had no problem letting you know where she stands with you!

In fact,she was straight up...

Give her all he space she wants,this other guy is still in her life,she has allowed it... no point in saying she could not hurt his feelings,she had no problem hurting yours.

Move on... find someone else.

I agree with that in some respects, but also I gave her enough opportunities to end it in which she said she does want to go out again but needs this sorting now.

Perhaps then,let her sort out the situation with her ex,and wait for her?

Or,let her sort things out,you continue dating,and if your still single when she's free go for it.

What about you?

Does she expect you to wait a few weeks,months?

Sorting thinks out should take an hour,or 2 minutes...

Its either over and she has no feelings for him,or its not and she still has feelings for him...

Its really up to you how long your going to give her to make a decision.

For me,I would not even wait,I would continue dating,if she comes back and its done and dusted with her ex,take it from there,if she comes back and there's still problems I would move on.

Thanks again redhead35, well she seems to be an honest girl so far from what I've seen. So id have to give her the benefit of the doubt but I've told her I can't wait forever in which she understood, but when asked would you like see me again she said yes she just needs to sort this out ASAP. Bt I'm still keeping my options open.

I think that's wise,don't wait on the sidelines for her.

I don't know the girl,and can't say what her motives are.

Unless she has given you concrete answer as to what is going on and what her plans are,I think your plan is a good one.

Thanks, I must admit she seems a very honest girl so far, she didn't need to tell me all this really, plus she said she doesn't want to be pushed or pressured which is understandable, like I said I don't want to be messed around. In which she said she isn't messing about she's genuine.

Go with your gut..

If you think she is being fair and straight up.. yes she told you the truth,but from where I'm sitting,and I'm being objective here,it does sound like she is keeping her options open too.

Normally at "one month" I would say there is no need to be exclusive, I dated almost four months before we went to seeing no one else

Oh id agree with that, that's what I told her I'm not at that point myself, I'm not ready to be exclusive or ready to commit to her, its to early. All I said was that I like her and would like to see her again that's it.

I definitely see were she is coming from. I am so much like that. I have been dating a guy for almost a year now and a few times in our relationship, a couple of boyfriends of the past have poured out there hearts to me. I told my boyfriend and he understood. He said he actually felt lucky to have a girl that was wanted by others. LOL. Anyway, we stayed together through all of them. He gave me space to let them down easy. Its not like I want out with them behind my boyfriends back and let them down. That is the wrong thing to do. I sat down with then the next time I saw them and calmly explained to these guys that I was in love with someone else and that I was not leaving him and that I was very sorry. I told them that I always wanted them as friends and they were a little mad and upset but now, we have awsome friendships. One of these guys is my best friend and he has found a way and now is chasing other girls which I encourage. Just let her go and do what she has to do. If she ends up leaving you, yeah, it would suck, but its not the end of the world. There are so many people out there that will surprise you. The biggest thing is, if you give her space and let her come on your terf and not on hers, she will want you back. Just be encouraging and there like a good friend and boyfriend.

Thanks jwood, yeah I must admit she seems the type of girl who is honest and very kind to. She said she hates hurting people and she doesn't want to hurt this guy. But from my side I was just pointing out the fact that I don't want to be messed about if she wants to end it with me then just say it, its no big deal at the moment I just prefer honesty.

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Give her space, but your free to date others. Given your history, why wait for someone who has unfinished business. Date others, and call her later.

I think its unfair to wait on the sidelines, and put your life on hold after only a month. It looks good on paper, but reality is your young single and free, so you should date those with the same credentials. That's fair, and honest on your part.

I think you have gotten to attached, and maybe you should be as honest as she is. Its to soon for a commitment any way.

I see what your saying. To be completely honest with you, I don't know if she would just tell you. I know that when I have gone to break up with a guy in the past, I have learned to understand to be straight forward with the whole breaking up thing. I think sometimes it gets easier the longer the relationship because you learn to be honest with one another. I don't know what she is thinking, but I am definitely not making any promises as to how she will go in this situation.

Yes I'm giving her the little space she asked for to deal with this, yes I am still interested but I am in no way putting myself on hold for her. I told her this in which she understood.
Don't get me wrong I do like the girl so far, but I'm in no ways attatched yet and I have pointed this out to her. I basically just asked for another date at some point that's it.

Well jwood she told me on the phone that she's the type of girl who will be honest and tell them that she doesn't want to see them anymore. So I may give her the benfit of the doubt on that one. But who knows.