[necksore]

Hello-

I have a dilemma. My cousin is getting married this year and I don’t know if I should give him anything for the wedding. Here’s why:

This same cousin attended both my sister’s and my wedding without giving any gifts. On top of that, for both weddings, he brought a guest when only he was invited.

At first I wanted to be bigger than him and give a normal gift. But not giving a gift is un-excusable; who doesn’t know that? Plus it happened twice.

So I’m leaning toward giving him something on their registry, and not spend nearly what I would normally. Perhaps even forego the gift receipt.

Is my solution acceptable? If not, what is the best way to handle this?

Thanks,
Tom

[Synnen]

A gift is just that---a gift. You are not obligated to give a gift when invited to an event.

If you are not comfortable giving a gift, then don't. Give him a card and be happy for him.

[Tuscany]

I agree with Synnen,

Giving a gift is not mandatory. I would hope that most people would invite people because they want their friends and family to be part of a very important day, not because of what they might give them.

If you are not comfortable giving a gift then don't.

[K_3]

When inviting someone to your wedding. You are inviting them to share the joy of the day and to witness the joining of two people who love one another. If you are inviting them to your wedding to bring a gift, the meaning has been lost someplace. I would far rather have a persons presence at my wedding than for them to send a gift and not come or not to come because they cannot afford a gift. Do not allow material objects become a focal point of a joyous day. Give because you want to and what you want. Not because you are judging what another has done or not done. This is about you and your beliefs and if you are a giving person expecting nothing in return.

[necksore]

I realize it is up to me and my gift giving feelings. I realize that you do not HAVE to give a gift (me to him or him to me). But no one will disagree that it is the "norm" to give a gift.

So instead of not giving a gift (Two wrongs don't make a right) I'm going to give a gift from the registry that is not up to snuff according to my normal gift giving (ie a smaller dollar amount) or not go at all and give a card.

THAT is what I want to do. THAT is the extent that I wish to celebrate his union. It might have been only slightly more if he had chosen to celebrate mine.

[Tuscany]

I think that is a good idea. That way you are recognizing the union but you are comfortable with the gift

[J_9]

Has anyone considered that maybe he could not afford the gift? Or that He doesn't know proper etiquette for weddings?

There have been times that I could not afford a gift, no not even a $5 gift. Do you know how embarrassing that is?

Maybe he just didn't understand. It was not stated in the OP that he could afford this or that he even knew the protocol for weddings. He couldhave been terribly embarrassed and ashamed if he could not have afforded to give a gift.

[Bluerose]

Like compliments and validation, we shouldn't expect them but it's still nice when they come.