[cajngirl_27]

I am 7 years in my second marriage. I realized after the marriage that is was a mistake. I wasn't in love. Yes he is the father of my son and new daughter but I realized what I was trying to do. I was trying to be in a relationship with someone just because of the kids. I should have left it at what it was before I became pregnant with the 7 year old. He and I had decided to give it a try when our son was over a year. Before that it was never a relationship. We got pregnant on a one night stand type of situation. For the past 2 years I have been miserable. I have gained so much weight to the point of borderline diabetic, high blood pressure... and cholesterol. I haven't wanted to do anything to myself as far as making myself look good. I mean I put on make up and all that but it had been 2 years since I had gotten my hair cut and dyed, etc. The situation seems like it gets worse but it does.. For the past 5 years I have been drinking almost daily, so has he. For the past week I haven't been drinking and I have lost so much weight. My high school sweetheart and I made contact. Since the day before mother's day we have been talking.. as friends.. We have met and talked.. because I wanted him to know my situation.. my weight gain.. etc. Saturday.. we spent tonight together.. He being 40 now and myself 38.. We did not engage in sex. We just talked most of the night.. Then I finally got a couple hours of sleep while he was watching TV. Well he comes back to bed and we just talk for a couple of more hours. It was great to be able to talk to someone on an adult level with the same topics of interest. I just need help in all the situations mentioned above.. I am confused about staying in a marriage without love just for the children. I don't want to hurt my children. But I want to be happy!

[nitelight198073]

It hurts your children more to watch you "function" in a lovless marriage, you may be civil to each other but children pick up on more than you think. I feel that you should do for you right now make yourself happy and in yurn you will feel better and your children will see that you are happy and be happy to. Get yourself out of that funk don't go on in this depressed state.

[Ash123]

IF you are going to end your marriage do it the right way.

1. Tell your High School friend you will be back in touch in 6 months but a lot is going on at home right now and need to focus on that.

2. Get in best physical shape you can get in. (Get to weight your doctor recommends)

3. NO more drinking.

4. AFTER you have done the ABOVE...

5. Talk to an attorney. Consider counseling.

Then after 3 more months...

6. Talk to your husband about a separation if it is still what you want. Make it clear the child is most important and must not feel unloved or any separation violence or anxiety.

7. Then, when prepared then yes, Divorce. But make sure you have dealt with your feelings with a pro counselor.

8. Stay in good shape.

9. Focus on the future.

10. Make sure your child feels loved and has a role model to aspire to.

GOOD LUCK! DO this the right way or you will suffer more...

[talaniman]

I hope you go see a doctor, and stop drinking. You may be depressed, and that's something that can be dealt with.

[starlite1]

I agree with Tal. You definitely sound depressed. You should get into see a therapist to help you with your depression. I also think you should get out of the marriage. It doesn't seem healthy at all, and like everyone has said, you children will pick up on the misery of a loveless marriage.