[anet]

Some of you probably know me with my dramatic life already from my previous note. Here is my situation now.
My Mom hated my husband. I met him since I was 17 and now I am 31, married with two kids. He helped me to go to college while he was working two jobs and now, I am working two jobs while he goes to college. He will be graduating in a week or two. During this time, my mom came for visit and she couldn’t stand the fact that I am working two jobs while he is going to school. Most of the time, he study all night long and he sleep during the day. She couldn’t understand the fact why he is sleeping during the day and she took it as if he is the laziest man in this planet and he is using me. My husband suspected the situation with my mom and he told me that he think my mom doesn’t like him. At that point, I didn’t have any sign that my mom hates him, so I told him that it is all in his mind and he better get along with her. One day, my mom called me at work, and she told me, that she hates my husband and she think that I can get a better husband who can share some responsibility. She also said that she thinks that he has no love for me and I should be smart about the situation and leave him before he leaves me. She tried to remind me that I am very beautiful and intelligent and I don’t deserve to have such kind of husband. This was a big surprise for me and I listened to her without any comment and when she finished I told her that I will call her back and hanged up the phone. My mom is a religious person and I can not believe that she said what she said. Surprisingly, my husband called me after a little while and he told me that he is living the house. He sound very mad but didn’t clearly said what happened. He almost sound like he heard what my mom said with some of the remark he mentioned. I was really confused and let him say what he wanted to say. The next day, I tried to calm my husband down, and I told him that my parents like him and even if they comfort me with anything negative about our marriage, He and my children will come first and I will have his back. He felt better after I said what I said, and then I took my mom to a restaurant so we can talk about her remark a day before. I told her how sorry I was of what she said etc… my mom apologize but she said she was emotional and she said what she said because she care for me and so on. I told her that she may be right about finding a better husband to me, but my husband is always the best father to my kids and that is my number one priority. Even though my mom apologized, but I can see how much she hates him to the point she couldn’t stop complaining about him. I shut her down and returned back. My husband kind of suspected that we were talking about him. He was kind of sad when we returned. I decided to buy ticket to my mom so she can leave to visit my sister till I fix the problem with my husband. From that night on, my husband completely shut me down and didn’t say a word. I purchased the ticket the next day, and I told my mom that she is leaving tomorrow. My mom was so disappointed and she felt like I did that to him. But I had no choice. Except that same night, I didn’t know that my husband started packing his stuff up and in the morning, when I woke up to drop my mom to the airport, I saw my husband laying on the couch with all his stuff packed up ready to leave. He just walked out, I didn’t say anything to stop him neither my mom. I still dropped her to the airport, and here I am very mad on both my mom and my husband. I couldn’t even talk to both of them. Extremely hating and don’t know how to handle this situation. I felt like none of it was my fault, but I ended up to be the victim. Please comment.

[Treeny]

Do you know where your husband is? Maybe you should try to talk to him by phone.
It seems that you both support each other through school. Does your mom understand that he was trying to better himself. I think you might feel better if you talked with your husband and then your Mom. I would not let your mom end your marriage if you and your husband were happy before she came. I just don't get why he left if he knew she was leaving.

[laptopbattery]

Just Tell you mon and husband ,I Love YOU

[anet]

Just don't get why he left if he knew she was leaving.

Treeny, He now lives in app't near by our house. My 5 years old told me since he visited him a couple of times. “Why he left when he knew she was leaving” is a good question. That is questionable to me too. Do you think he probably was looking for a reason to leave anyway? What if he felt that if he doesn't leave now, he won't have any other reason to do so? That is why I haven't called him yet. What about my effort, my hard work that I put up while he goes to school. Isn't he supposed to be a little bit strong about the situation? I am very mad at him at this point because he just left me like trash without being responsible. What my mom said almost hit me back and said, 'may be she is right'. Even though my mom involved, I felt like he just found excuse to do what he wanted to do.

[Treeny]

Yes it sounds like there is much more to this. Maybe your mother knows you enough to no what's right for you, sometimes the ones that love you the most are the only ones that will risk hurting your feelings to tell the truth, The only thing left to do is either talk and work things out or leave it alone and give it time. Do I think he was looking for a reason to leave anyway? You are the only one that can answer that , you live with him.
Was this an agreement between the both of you for him to go to school now? And for you to work? Sounds to me like there might be a communication block. When your not angry you should really try to talk things out togeather.

[anet]

Yes it was an agreement. From my point of view, the fact that he is going to school is a benefit for the entire family. I want my kids to have educated father as well. I also want him to feel comfortable of who he is. Even though going to school was his dream, I also encouraged him and always helped him when he needs help and sometimes I feel like I am even more excited than him about it.

That has been said, I have never seen the negative impact of it. What if he feel like he is now educated and he can get a great job and may be wants to look around if he can get a better wife or something? I don't know? Even though I live with him, I only have control of myself and have no control of what is in his mind. I am a very easy going person and my friend blaming me for being too positive. It is possible for me to ignore little stuff that a normal person won't ignore. When I think about it now, it may be because I am so mad; I feel like he has no love and he is too selfish man. Because, he just want to escape instead of stand and fight for at least his kid's sake. I am mad and not in any position to talk to both of them. I understand my mom loves me but I don't think she has a right to crash what I have built for the last 10 years. If I build it, I should be the one to destroy it but nobody else including my mom. I don't know, this situation cost me two people that I love the most, and now I feel like nobody else left out to help me. I normally run to her or him but now...
Thanks Treeny,I appriciate your help.

[Treeny]

I hope it all works out for you. I think when a little time passes and every one has time to calm down every thing will work out. Good louck.