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    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 26, 2019, 06:46 AM
    Should I be offended if my lover invited me to join a sex group on Facebook?
    I have a fwb and we've been friends for 18 yrs. The first few yrs. we have been intimate from 2001-2005. After that time period we lost contact because he moved. A yr. later I met someone and got married. Long story little short we divorced 2011. I reconnected with my same fwb. I've spent nights over his house plenty of times. We have been on and off so we are not a couple. In fact one time I saw him out somewhere at a local place by me and he was with someone and I was talking to this guy. It was a pub. He came over by me while I was conversing with this guy and asked me if I was good. It was awkward for me and the guy because the guy I was talking to looked and said um who is that your ex or something.

    Now up to now he will purposely ask me to call him but don't answer he's done this couple times. The updated killer is we are friends on Facebook. I recently got a request for invitation from a group he just joined. It is an x-rated page on Facebook..


    thoughts please
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Aug 26, 2019, 07:07 AM
    Isn't that the way long term people interact, so why is that unusual, or even so awkward. If you don't want to interact then don't, why explain or worry. Polite and friendly without the drama is enough to get you through and focusing on doing your own thing and letting him do his even if it's no longer your thing any more.

    I wouldn't read a lot into casual meeting or invitation for more with folks you knew before, though I admit it's hard not to trigger old feelings and memories from the past with those chance meetings, especially where intimacy and sharing was involved and of course a good time, but don't let it throw you from your real life now, and what you want TODAY.

    Take it all in stride and keep it moving. Just an old friend suffices when your with some one when it happens depending on the relationship with them. If you were casually dating when such things happen a casual response is all that's needed. You owe nothing to others before yourself. See how simple that is on paper? Of course next time you will have the experience of the first time and won't be so awkward.

    That's just a part of life to deal with. What are your own thoughts on handling this ex FWB?
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 26, 2019, 07:10 AM
    Um he's not an ex Fwb that's why I asked the question. I said we lost contact and I got married but we reconnected but on and off. Yes it is a deal to me because I still see this person.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Aug 26, 2019, 08:31 AM
    Thank you for clarifying that for me. makes a difference but in any relationship you establish your own boundaries so it comes down to if you want to take his invitation or not. If you are not ready to take up his invitation then don't. Also in any relationship you should be able to communicate and ask and express ANY questions or concerns.

    It's a big deal to add, or change things in a relationship, and if that's what this invitation means then ask for clarity so you will have enough information to decide if your up for this change or not. I have no knowledge or experience to be honest about what a facebook X rated group does or entails do you? I would sure find out before I got myself into it though.

    Is that more what you were asking about?
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 27, 2019, 05:55 AM
    ok I understand. As far as Facebook there are so many groups , organizations like churches , sex pages. To be added to any group pretty much on Facebook someone have to add you by inviting you. The group that he added me on is a semi nude page.
    You see little bit more than you do from when you are just on the home page feed of Facebook. It's a close group page so only members can interact. So they have members posting and the conversation is more sexual on this page.

    So basically it's men and woman showing things like boobs their chest not their private part but close to it it's semi nude. So this is the page that he joined and invited me to be on. That's why I wasn't sure why he had added me
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 27, 2019, 06:17 AM
    Do you think he was just trying to be nice?
    My fwb and I are basically on and off. We've been friends for 18 yrs.
    To make a long story short. One of the times after him and I got together I bumped into
    him 2 mos later at a pub celebrating a friends birthday. I didn't know he would be there.
    He no longer live in that area. Anyway I was talking to a gentleman at the bar and eating food. I just happened to look up and he was across the bar all the way down at the opposite end on the other side. We looked up at each other just looked that was all.
    He was even with someone. Like 15 mins. later he comes over by me and ask me ,
    Are you good? I said um yea. I can't even remember what else was said it was awkward
    because I was in the middle of a conversation.

    The guy that I was talking to said to me who is that your ex or something. Why he come over here asking if you were good. It was a little strange. We don't have a relationship but friends for long time. Then later on he was coming back toward my way
    with the female he was with and we passed each other but at that time I was leaving on my way out the door. I guess he was going with her on the side where I was at.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #7

    Aug 27, 2019, 06:23 AM
    LOL, the simplest answer is he though you would enjoy it. Or he does, and wants you to share the FacebookX experience with him. I mean you have shared much over the decades, so why not this too? Have you asked him about his motives?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #8

    Aug 27, 2019, 06:36 AM
    You have been long time friends and intimate off and on, so of course he was being nice.
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Aug 27, 2019, 07:47 AM
    ok what does that mean though, are you saying it was fine he did that? Because
    the guy I was talking to felt some kind of a way. He was uncomfortable as to why he even came over
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 27, 2019, 08:32 AM
    I didn't think a man who is sleeping with a female want to share her on a sex page.
    I could easily post semi nude photos but I am not. Not even a member yet. They give you trial while pending I can see post. So far he only post pic of him in bar giving his zodiac sign and location because they ask people for that to introduce themselves.
    There was a beer on the table he had a cap on and a regular polo type shirt. Even on his regular Facebook page he shows his muscles on there but not on here yet.
    That's why I don't want to join to see him flirting. He made couple comments with emoji expressing wow.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,300, Reputation: 7691
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    #11

    Aug 27, 2019, 11:05 AM
    It sounds from this and from the other post, you are lovers, not much else. So if you are both on facebook, and the main interest is sex, and if you enjoy sex type web pages, then join, if not don't, People put way to much concern on Facebook
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #12

    Aug 27, 2019, 11:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by honeybun35 View Post
    ok what does that mean though, are you saying it was fine he did that? Because
    the guy I was talking to felt some kind of a way. He was uncomfortable as to why he even came over
    With my limited knowledge of the situation I see no hidden meanings in any of this. I thought it rather normal for people to interact on social networks as a matter of course, but I also have found a lot of drama and intrigue between people on social networks especially when personal interactions may be lacking. People are often speculating and curious for meaning when trying to understand others and often take it further than need be, setting up many awkward, confusing situations because of those feelings and even more so on social media interactions.

    I highly suggest direct communications between you to end the speculation or curiosity.
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Aug 27, 2019, 11:32 AM
    sorry was this answer for the awkward situation in the pub or the Facebook nude page? sorry I did give whole hearty story of the situation
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #14

    Aug 27, 2019, 11:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by honeybun35 View Post
    I didn't think a man who is sleeping with a female want to share her on a sex page.
    I could easily post semi nude photos but I am not. Not even a member yet. They give you trial while pending I can see post. So far he only post pic of him in bar giving his zodiac sign and location because they ask people for that to introduce themselves.
    There was a beer on the table he had a cap on and a regular polo type shirt. Even on his regular Facebook page he shows his muscles on there but not on here yet.
    That's why I don't want to join to see him flirting. He made couple comments with emoji expressing wow.
    Over the years I have seen a lot of drama and intrigue between ex's who still interact socially, or on each others social media networks, say and have the same feelings as you do. Your bodies are on the same page but obviously your minds are not. Still stirs up feelings of curiosity though so it's a simple thing to decline his Facebook invitation, and deal with you're own curiosity. You say you sleep together, but I am just curios if that's all you do. Is regular dating, and phone conversations involved? Casual meeting up without sex?

    I don't see a leap between sleeping with a person and sharing intimate photos with an online group as obviously you both see others. Maybe he is a swinger and sleeps with many others. Maybe despite the longevity of this FWB there are many more things you don't know about your lover. That's where I lean on this, and now you are learning. Confusion is normal when that happens, as is curiosity over words and actions that you are not use too.

    Quote Originally Posted by honeybun35 View Post
    sorry was this answer for the awkward situation in the pub or the Facebook nude page? sorry I did give whole hearty story of the situation
    I was trying to deal with a bigger picture but the pub meeting was a friendly gesture between friends, though he may have been throwing crap in the game knowing he would make your date curious or jealous. I don't know the fellow well enough to say either way but people do play those games. Was he jealous, don't know that either so what do you think of this whole situation.

    Who would think such small innocent gesture could lead so far? Your thoughts please?
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Aug 27, 2019, 12:16 PM
    Ok with the social media thing and if we are just sleeping together the answer would be yes. I have a very busy schedule. For example we got together July 3rd got the same room hotel. I had plans the next day with family so I was rushing. He didn't want me to leave but I had to. Well the next time we hooked up it was right before I had went on vacation a cruise. He was suppose to have back surgery. Instead of me driving I left my car with my daughter so we could spend the night and next morning he take me to work. I shaved his whole back for a surgery. Of coarse we had sex but we talk . I mean I've known him 18 yrs. Back in 2012 I spend whole day with him and his son and nephew and we went out to eat went to malls and he went to stores to get stuff so I could eat in his house. He bought me flowers , wine and candles and new sheets when he knew I was staying over.

    We do communicate on the phone other than just hooking up When I was on vacation he was calling and trying to text me phone and via. Sometimes it was hard because I was on the island and I had no service.

    The pub thing that was just one time I actually real bumped into him but like I said he was with a female . BTW that answer was exactly what I needed thanks :)
    helpful
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Aug 27, 2019, 12:52 PM
    it's not Facebook concern it's the fact that it is a semi nude page whether it on Facebook or just a porn page. The fact he thought I wanted to see him on there flirting
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #17

    Aug 27, 2019, 01:34 PM
    LOL, bee bopping between two threads is confusing but from what I have gleaned between both your questions is this long term FWB has become complicated by you both dating others, and him expecting EXCLUSIVE sex with you. Is he being sexually exclusive too? Ask him and clear this up. Clearly both of you busy people need clarity to define this as it sound after all this time other feelings have crept into the equation on both sides.

    Maybe he wants you to be as jealous of him as he may be of you.
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Aug 27, 2019, 01:57 PM
    Now when you mean on both sides what do you mean by that? Well of coarse you know this is all me. Not sure how he feels. Again we've been friends for a while
    so not sure if he feels anything at all. I am afraid of rejection.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #19

    Aug 27, 2019, 03:41 PM
    so not sure if he feels anything at all. I am afraid of rejection.
    I get it, but after all the past history it's time to talk and learn how you feel about each other and what you should do about it.
    honeybun35's Avatar
    honeybun35 Posts: 142, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Aug 27, 2019, 03:42 PM
    I know it's hard to tell but from what I've told you do u think he like me little bit

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