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    Bler's Avatar
    Bler Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 18, 2019, 04:54 AM
    Should I apologize to him?
    Hi..For a year now I have in touch with this guy who lives a 2-hour flight away - we are both in our late 30's. We met once in January (2019), and planned to see each other again in upcoming May (2020), upon his return from 1-year work-related stay abroad.

    I developed a crush on him and let him know about it, which boomeranged on me, as he apparently wanted to take things (more) slowly, which he also demonstrated through texting, in responding at least 3 times unreasonably late to my messages - 2 to 5 days..

    Thus, during these 3 cases, I deleted his number, and during the last two cases asked him to not contact me anymore, as I found his way of communicating disrespectful. During the first two times, he said that maintaining contact was more important than how quick the response was.

    Regarding the third case, when he left my message "unread" for at least 2 days, though he was only at least 4 times, I decided to not read his delayed response and end it all, but he sent me another text after 4 days asking me how the week was going... I was weak, and reacted, while also telling him there was no point of going on like this..He responded saying that I was being disrespectful, and that I should also have blocked him. I answered saying that maybe he was right about it but that I had found blocking to be a bit extreme..

    We reconciled, but in hindsight now, I feel that during these cases I came off as rather needy and pushy, instead of being reasonable, considering, in particular, distance between us, and us not being on the same page, emotionally speaking. (He had told at the very beginning that he also likes me. And, recently, when I asked him again, he told me he had liked sex with me and considered me a very good friend.)

    Last time we texted was 8 days ago, me being just brief and polite to his message..

    All things considered, should I extend him an apology, no matter how our contact proceeds? (I feel pretty ashamed of me having adopted a predominately emotional approach instead of being more rational..)
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,793, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 18, 2019, 09:31 AM
    Sounds like he is only interested in a friendship or friend with benefits. I think you did over react. You can apologize but do it not expecting things to change between you two. It's a friendship.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Nov 18, 2019, 10:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Sounds like he is only interested in a friendship or friend with benefits. I think you did over react. You can apologize but do it not expecting things to change between you two. It's a friendship.
    With sex I might add, but I do not see a need to apologize rather just make adjustments. Obviously you expected more from him than he was willing to give, and quite possibly your feelings of disrespect may have some truth to it. Only you can judge such things for yourself. I doubt it changes much, but for sure he will change you before you change him, and not so sure if that's okay.

    No sir, blocking someone is NOT extreme, and sometimes necessary to keep your dignity and self respect when they are dumping drama and BS on you. Sometimes we do get in over our skies and make another a priority when we are but an option when they feel like it and that's no good either, so put all these things in the front of your mind and decide where you stand and how you deserve to be treated and if needy, clingy and overly emotional fits then correct it.

    If he ignores you because he is to busy or doesn't feel like texting talking then that's something to also consider and decide if a long distance sex buddy is even worth your time. LOL, maybe you aren't the only sex buddy he juggles. Something to consider too!.
    Bler's Avatar
    Bler Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Nov 19, 2019, 12:19 AM
    Talaniman, you're right - blocking someone is not extreme - I will do that right away. I am better off without him..
    Bler's Avatar
    Bler Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 19, 2019, 05:17 AM
    Talaniman, one more thing about your statement: "No sir, blocking someone is NOT extreme, and sometimes necessary to keep your dignity and self respect when they are dumping drama and BS on you." This is the problem - he wasn't openly disrespectful in any regard, except for the above-mentioned practice of delaying some of the replies, appearing and disappearing whenever he felt like to. I might say he was a coveted narcissist and manipulator. I admit it I hoped against hope, but now I'm glad to have finally blocked him, and move on..
    Vacuum7's Avatar
    Vacuum7 Posts: 47, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Nov 19, 2019, 07:48 PM
    Watch OUT! This sounds like a man with MORE THAN ONE girl on a string! I was never able to pull such a stunt off but I know several "gentlemen" that made having a string of women a hobby! Some of these guys had "girlfriends" and some were married men! Never underestimate the capabilities of an adversary: Weird, but sometimes people who have a sexually charged relationship, whether or not it happens, end up being almost adversarial with each other when they are in non-sexual contact...just strange!

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