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    Player11BBall's Avatar
    Player11BBall Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    May 27, 2008, 07:35 PM
    I Really Love My Ex! Does Absence Really Make The Heart Grow Fonder?
    A little back ground may help.
    so you have been dating her for a little over
    a year and a half. Everything is perfect both
    happy both this then its just like she never
    seems to have time, she says she never has
    time anymore, to call, anything, she only calls
    at night, because she things I want to talk 9549834
    hours, which isn't true I just want to talk, you know,
    how was your day, simple I love you, reminder you know.
    but its always goodnight I love you, maybe more, maybe less,
    she says I'm tired we'll catch up tmrw, but it doesn't happen.
    it was never this hard, it was never like this, we have broken
    up, its always been her, take breaks, short ones, a couple of
    times but it is real love so its always been us back together
    the way it was meant to be, but this is really hard to explain
    as understand I'm sure, but there's no point in arguing over
    goodnight but it just happens and it blows up into this big
    thing that should be nothing. Sometimes she'll get frustrated,
    and say things, random things, because yeah she's tired and
    cranky and its late at night, but I always say I tried calling
    you earlier, I tried, you could've called me back, you could text
    me, anything.. but she says I was watching TV, or with my mom, simple
    things, its always time, time time time with her, I'm like wheres my
    time, why can't you have time for me, there's always a point in the day
    where your watching TV on your bed, you can call be like hey I love you,
    you know something sweet, you used to do those things, but oh I don't have
    time, I get really into my shows like the hills and such you know. I know
    she does get into them but still it's the thought. But to help we live 5 hours
    away, which we see each other every month for a full weekend, she comes, then I
    come the next, sometimes we see each other more than once in a month.

    but this past weekend, she came, prior to this, we were taking things
    slow, working on us, taking it slow, etc etc.. But this past weekend
    she came, I guess we aren't dating but still talk and she calls on the
    way up with her mom, says ill see you soon, ill call you when were closer
    and says I love you still and a couple days before she came it was looking
    up hearing I love you, this and that about the weekend, it felt like everything
    was working out looking up, like we were "us" she came this past weekend, got
    here at night time, and we usually hangout in the room and watch movies listen
    to music talk, etc etc but this time was different not to mention, my sister and
    her boyfriend are going through this big fighting stage were she found out from
    one of his friends who called my sister and left a voice mail saying he's cheated
    on you, lied to you, does stuff behind your back, so when the person I love got
    to my house, it was okay, then my sister got that voicemail and freaked out like
    crazy and then he came, her boyfriend and it was a bad night to be with the person
    I love with my sister yelling and everything going on it was just not how I wanted
    or planned and then we thought we weren't going to get "our" time together with
    everything going on in my house, but my sister settled down, her supposably boyfriend
    left and my mom calmed her down outside so I was like lets not let this ruin our weekend
    together, and locked the door and tried not to worry about all going on, but we finally got
    our time, talked, started a movie, do our usual stuff, but we both felt bad or weird I don't know
    because of everything going on in my house, when we were done and she was about to leave
    my house like 4 hours later, she just got quiet in the bed laying down she didn't say anything,
    wouldn't come close, no we didn't have sex, we didn't go that far, but anyway she wouldn't talk,
    I laid down beside of her and said baby come here please, and touched her like a come here,
    and she said what, like she was facing the other way and what not, like closed eyes,
    looks like sleeping, but she was thinking it was a kind of ehh what when I said baby
    come here, but I said never mind and rolled over to see if she would say something or
    roll towards me, but 5-10 minutes went back and she said nothing, then she looked over
    and said what's wrong, I said, well it feels like I'm being ignored, she replys, I'm not
    trying to ignore you, I said come here baby please, she came over and laid next to me,
    and said was something different, I said what do you mean, she said was something
    different, as in something felt different, I said well with everything going on in my house?
    she said well no kind of like yeah but no I don't know but she said what we did didn't feel
    like normally does, she said like no emotion, and I was like what do you mean etc..
    but she left and didn't say anything. Like I walked her out, she was just like do you
    want me to call you in the morning when I wake up? I was like yes please, and she said okay,
    and just opened the door and looked and got in without saying anything, no bye no I love you,
    and she had said I love you the whole way up to my house and the time there a couple times,
    I was really sad, wondering why, felt bad she had to come when everything in my house was
    going how it was, but she came the next day, she was suppose to stay 3 hours or so but said
    she was only staying an hour, so we went upstairs and started talking, and said she needs time,
    not talking to each other at all, earlier when I said we only talked at night, I brought that
    up and I was like we hardly talk now, she was like that's the point I guess, so I'm just
    confused and thinking and looking at her, and she basically just said that, and other stuff
    like little arguments that blow up like I said earlier, she said your going to get over me
    you will, I said we'll see about that, it won't happen, I love you, I care for you, I said
    don't you, she said yes but I can't show you, then you'll see it, I'm just thinking to myself
    what does this mean why why why why does she want to not talk at all, not anything anymore,
    the hour went by to fast because she was suppose to stay longer and it was time to leave
    her mom came called her said I'm out side and she got up and said are you coming downstairs
    and I said yes, she said well you don't have to, but I did, walked her outside to her moms
    jeep, she stopped at the door of the jeep, looked at me for a min, opened the door, looked
    at me again, got in, looked at me, closed the door, she didn't say anything, nothing. Her
    mom backed up, and drove off I just looked at her through the window stood there then slowly
    turned around looked over my shoulder a couple of times, and the last one she was gone,

    it felt like I died right there, I was so lost, so confused. Now I haven't talked to her
    in two days, she called lastnight because she texted my sister and said will you tell him
    I have to just ask him one more question my sister texted back and said I'm sorry you had
    to see me like that lastnight I'm sorry if I ruined yalls night, she didn't text back, then
    my sister texted again saying I told him that but he can't text you right now he says
    because someone's on the computer, and then my sister texted her said he, or me, just
    came up to my sister and said why me tab{my sisters name} I said why me and walked
    away out the front door, my sister told her that through a text and she texted back
    and said see I don't want to know about that it hurts me, I want to forget that place
    to be honest, my heart broke there. She texted back, and so on, she later called that
    night, I was deppresed, sad, didn't know what to say do, anymore, I passed out, so I
    wouldn't do something stupid, on the floor I fell asleep, she called me that night, but
    I missed her call, and its been a day since then and she didn't call tonight or all day,

    so I don't know what to do, I'm not sure, I love her, I know she cares, she said to my face
    she did when she was here, but she said I care but I can't show it, I don't get that, I
    want her to show it, she said like I said earlyer I care, I think we shouldn't talk period,
    I don't know what to do, I've always heard absence makes the heart grow fonder but god I pray
    I'm praying to god that's the truth, should I give her space, time to think, time to see I'm
    right here, that guys she's always known, been through so much with, ups and downs, but
    through it all we were in it together, should I do that? Give her time, see what she does,
    if she calls, how long, I fear if we don't talk its only going to get worse because we
    hardly talked and its ending like this, but everyone says absence makes the heart grow
    fonder but is it really true, will she realize, will she take that step, miss me even,
    do I need to give her that, space, that time, I just don't want to lose her, she's had a
    huge impact on my life and I know I have had one on hers by what she's told me before and
    wrote and I just keep praying and repeating that in my head over and over again. I know
    this is a lot and its bits and pieces but its not some little kid game to me, any advice,
    any same situation, anything. Thank you in advance.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert

    May 27, 2008, 11:20 PM
    • Absence between two people who are growing closer together makes both of their hearts grow fonder.
    • Absence from someone who dumped YOU often makes YOUR heart grow fonder (or more obsessed, same thing). Unfortunately, it's not mutual, it's just you.
    • Absence from someone YOU dumped on a rare occasion makes YOUR hear grow fonder, if you realize you goofed royally. If they're willing to take you back, you can try again. No guarantees, though.

    So, where are you on that list?
    Player11BBall's Avatar
    Player11BBall Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    May 30, 2008, 09:41 PM
    Well to be honest nymber two
    Because my feelings are so great
    And how much I care for her.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert

    May 31, 2008, 07:17 AM
    When you're the one who got dumped, it's the hardest sort of pain. You were doing fine and missed all the signs it was ending. When it happens, knife in the gut, huh?

    But it is also very real. Make sure you KEEP all the good you experienced and learned as work on healing and into your future relationships. Make sure you DON'T fantasize yourself over the ex into a crippled state. What's the point?

    You had a great time together, remember it fondly always. But you don't live in the past and you certainly don't let fantasies control you. So, eyes forward and onward!
    Player11BBall's Avatar
    Player11BBall Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    May 31, 2008, 01:39 PM
    Yeah I know. Most of it.
    But its not like I just want to get up and move on.
    I hope she hasn't I don't think there's any way she
    Could that fast I mean I thought she would contact
    Me by now its been 7 days and nothing from her.
    I often wonder how long it will take for her. It would
    Just be nice to hear or know something. I miss you
    I'm thinking of you. Anything. I hope she thinks about
    Me like I am her. I don't know what to do but just wait.
    I might try to contact her soon in a couple of days if she
    Doesn't by next weekend.. it'll be then two weeks.. if nothing
    By then I think I'm going to call her, or just leave her a voice
    Mail, I'm not sure what to say, hey I miss you, give me a call?
    Or call one of her friends and ask how she's doing, does she
    Talk about me or anything? I know one of her close friends
    Actually two, one I can ask pretty much anything, the other
    I can ask some stuff. But I'm not sure what to do right now.
    Player11BBall's Avatar
    Player11BBall Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    May 31, 2008, 09:15 PM
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert

    May 31, 2008, 10:23 PM
    I'm not sure what you want to know. I can't muster up an "it's going to be ok if she's thinking about you occasionally..." because that's not true.

    Over and over we see people longing for "just a brief contact" from the ex that dumped them, then when it happens they are a complete wreck over it. It never helps. You think it will, hope it will, long for it, but if you get that contact ***BAM*** right between the eyes and you're worse off than before.

    None of this fretting about her and what she's doing and "is she even thinking about me" helps you one iota. None. Soooo many people do exactly what you're doing, so it's understandable. You just have to realize at some point that it's futile.
    Player11BBall's Avatar
    Player11BBall Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jun 1, 2008, 04:22 PM
    Then what do you spouse I do? I mean I want to call her I want to text her
    I want to be friends who knows even more down the line who knows what
    Could happen but its killing me just sitting here doing nothing at all isn't helping
    Me get closer perhaps even get her back.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert

    Jun 1, 2008, 05:09 PM
    How do you start a relationship with someone who isn't unaware of you, but actually IS aware of you and is completely uninterested? You believe there is some trick to getting past that?

    There isn't. She's made an informed decision NOT to date you.

    Your going around in circles over this makes no more sense than you crippliing yourself over wanting to get it going with Pamela Anderson. Heck, you might have a BETTER chance with Pamela since she doesn't know you and hasn't DECIDED intentionally not to date you yet.

    If someone else thinks there is actually reason to pursue this, please, jump in.
    Player11BBall's Avatar
    Player11BBall Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jun 1, 2008, 06:08 PM
    You don't understand. Sorry.

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