Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
    needanswerz's Avatar
    needanswerz Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 20, 2008, 03:12 PM
    Questionable intentions
    Ok guys I'm going through some rough moments with my girlfriend and I need to know if I'm wasting my time or not. This is long I warn you!

    Let us start with an introduction:

    My girlfriend broke up with her X about five months ago. He was the typical that cheated on her right under her nose and caught him by checking out his msn logs. He was not repentant and basically threw her out of his life. Even though he promised marriage and went through two years with her.

    3 months after that disaster we meet. Things went really well for a while but then we moved in together. We had a few arguments which I think is normal for people trying to get to know each other. Even though moving in might have been too soon I don't think any of us regret it.

    2 weeks ago I come home after visiting my family (alone), she is in her room talking on the phone crying. I left her alone since the door was closed and I wanted to respect her privacy. So I was going to go check my emails on her laptop since my computer broke. What do I see on the main screen?

    Well, her msn was open with her x boyfriend back on her list. HEr Facebook is also open with a message telling his sister that she didn't want to go to my familys house and that she "sent" me alone. As much as I wanted to respect her privacy I couldn't help but to confront her with it. She told me that she didn't mean it the way I thought and that she was only talking to her x boyfriend to get her money back.

    I didn't buy the excuse. Now what I'm about to say might sound horrible, but considering I'm going to risk my money, time and heart in this relationship, I can't take any risks. I installed a keylogger in my computer to monitor her... and thank god I did.

    Forward about a week, I intercept a conversation with her sister saying that she MET her x boyfriend, that he offered to buy her a ring and to come move in with him bla bla bla. I also intercepted an email where she sent him her picture saying "this has your intitials written all over it". Where he said "does this mean were meant to be together" where she answers again "i want it to be that way...maybe in time we can be together again".

    A little while ago she also changed her Facebook info removing the relationship thing and all pictures of us and pretty much all information. Which she said was because she didn't want people to know about her life. So she gets an email from a guy lately who said that "oh you broke up with your boyfriend, thats too bad". She says "Lol, noooo not yet, but i will be soon, how are you doing? Are you still single. Hope to hear from you soon."

    I blew up on her this Friday and confronted her with SOME of this stuff. Part of the things I knew I left out to see if she would come clean.

    I wanted to break up with her at that point and I gave her the reasons which basically were all of the above. Thing is, she didn't want to break up with me. She said she was going to treat me better and that she really doesn't want to get back together with her x.

    I really want to trust her! I like her a lot and think we can have a future together but all the things she does is making me have doubts. I just can't understand why she wants to be with me but backstab me like that. Is this some kind of mental reaction to her getting screwed over by her boyfriend? Is she making me pay the price for her pain? I've done nothing but be there for her all the time. I even took her out to dinner yesterday after all this BS. Today she supposedly went to study with people from her work. But after all this happened I can't help but think she's playing me for a fool, and that I'm a fool not to pack my stuff and run for the hills.

    Oh and to top it all off. She even had the nerve to be angry at me for monitoring her. I agree I was wrong, but if someone caught me doing that kind of stuff. Id feel pretty pathetic and the last thing on my mind would be that I was being monitored.

    Why didn't she let me break up with her? Why would she want to continue a relationship she doesn't want? It just doesn't make sense.

    Need another point of view. Help me please.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
    Ultra Member

    Jan 20, 2008, 03:18 PM
    Um... because you're still supporting her? You take care of her? As of right now, you're the father figure, and everyone else is her boyfriend figure.

    Leave her. Not worth it. Not even close of being worth it. Are you kidding me?

    The title "questionable intentions" should be changed to "i'm being conned"
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443

    Jan 20, 2008, 03:21 PM
    She's cheating.

    Oh, it may not be PHYSICAL, but she's cheating.

    Dump her a$$--it will so not be worth it in the end.

    Rebound relationships so seldom work, and you were her rebound---sorry :(
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7691

    Jan 20, 2008, 03:25 PM
    You basically caught her on the rebound, and moved in too early. She is most likely not over the ex yet and is having second thoughts.
    needanswerz's Avatar
    needanswerz Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 20, 2008, 03:37 PM
    Thanks for the quick response people.

    I was actually hoping some of you would tell me I'm nuts and that all this was normal. I really like this girl and its unfortunate that it has to be this way.

    I just wish she would be honest with me. Does she not realize that what she's doing is wrong?

    How can anyone be so selfish?
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443

    Jan 20, 2008, 03:41 PM
    Honestly... she probably doesn't know why she's doing half of it either. On the one hand, she really likes you--but on the other, she's not over her ex yet.

    It's probably tearing her apart inside.

    And she probably thinks that being honest would be worse (people do dumb things when they're trying to figure out their heart).

    Confront her again--tell her you expect honesty, and that if she can't give it to you, she's not worth your time, because you won't be able to trust her if she's not honest. If she can't give you that--and you have to be ready for some stuff you're not going to like, if she's honest--then you'd do better to break it off now and let her get her crap together on her own.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions


Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.

Check out some similar questions!

I'm confused aboust husbands intentions. [ 3 Answers ]

Im new and I'm confused about my husband. We have been married for 4 and half years and separated off and on for six months. He moved out and in with someone who was a coworker they were good friends and she is 4 years younger than his mother. He says nothing is going on and I tried to believe him....

What are his true intentions? [ 2 Answers ]

My boyfriend, who has a hard time communicating his feelings, approached me recently and asked my thoughts on marriage. I would like to in the future, but he has clearly stated he does not believe in marriage, that he shouldn't have to get married to commit to someone. He has been engaged in the...

Not Sure About Intentions [ 42 Answers ]

There is a man I casually know, a friend of my husband's. I don't see him much, but recently he has started to pay attention to me. He is also married. He started coming around when I was working, and would stand next to me, very close. He calls occasionally, for little reasons. He always...

View more questions Search