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    sue1987's Avatar
    sue1987 Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 4, 2018, 02:13 PM
    Play it cool or make a move?
    Apologies in advance that this is so long. I hope that context is useful :/

    I'm writing this as I need some advice re a new guy friend that I'm crushing on.

    I've known of him for about 2 years through mutual friends as an acquaintance and we've suddenly become a lot closer since the summer. At the end of the summer a small group of us had tickets to a gig and the others last minute cancelled so we ended up going on our own. I hadn't thought about him this way before that night but I just had such a good time with him and it felt like a date! We got dinner and he bought drinks, stayed out chatting after it ended, and he took my number. We texted back and forth over the next couple of months. We'd send music suggestions and would chit chat about our lives. My crush developed, I felt something building and thought he'd set up a date but it never materialized. Instead, the texting slowed down and we see each other more. Well, he invites me to hang out with him and his friends all the time (we see each other a few evenings a week). Usually it's me, him, and one or two different other people going to gigs, watching films, having dinner at his place etc.

    He's been single as long as I've known him but has had some FWB flings with girls in our social circle. He's quite an intellectual nerdy guy who sometimes seems really confident and other times really awkward. He's told me has no issues asking out "hot" girls (his words) when he doesn't know them but is really bad at dating in general. Says if he likes someone, he over thinks it, has low confidence, and tends to play hard to get. On my side, I've told him I'm generally content on my own but would really like to meet someone special. He knows I actively date but haven't quite met someone I click with yet.

    I'm so torn. I've made moves on guys in the past but I find him very hard to read. Sometimes I feel a green light -- we get on great, we spend a lot of time together, our mutual friends say he's interested, he pays me most attention in groups, doesn't mention other girls, lots of eye contact etc. Yet, other nights he acts disinterested with quick goodbyes, avoiding alone time, doesn't sit beside me when watching films etc.

    So, over the past few weeks I've been thinking about just making a move. Annoyingly, we're rarely on our own and rarely drink together (apologies but tipsy courage can help). For example, last night we were out in the garden on our own smoking while the others were inside, we were standing close together and I nearly went for his hand but the moment past. I think it's because when we are on our own the vibe tends to get kind of nervous or tense and it never feels like the right moment to grab his hand or lean in for a kiss.

    At this stage, I just want to know if he's playing the long game or if we're only friends.

    My plan is to either:
    1) just accept being his friend because if he wants to make a move he will
    2) make a more obvious move by asking him out to another gig just us. If he avoids that alone time he's not keen.

    What do you think? Any advice on what I should do or not do?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Feb 4, 2018, 03:42 PM
    I think you should go for it, ask him out on a date, make it clear that it is a date, and then see what happens. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Feb 4, 2018, 08:58 PM
    make a more obvious move by asking him out to another gig just us. If he avoids that alone time he's not keen.
    Sounds good, why not?

    just accept being his friend because if he wants to make a move he will
    That works too, if you can handle it.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Feb 5, 2018, 05:37 AM
    You get no place if you don't try. Nothing ventured nothing gained. If they say no, be graceful about it, lick your wounds and move along. If they ARE interested...then you have you foot in the door, for however it works out eventually.

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