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    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #1

    Dec 24, 2005, 04:31 PM
    Ok, what is my deal??
    I don't know what is going on upstairs in my head lately, and I am getting pretty confused. I have been out on a few dates over the last 2 months or so, and at first I really like these women, think that they are attractive and what not, but as soon as they start showing interest in me I lose all attraction for them. I know Im not ready for another relationship, so that's not the problem. I just wish I could hold attraction for one of these women for more that 2 weeks. I have never been like this before, and I don't think it is a "you want what you can't have" type thing, I just don't get myself right now. Am I looking too much into this, or am I trying to force myself to like someone that I know deep down I have no connection with? Some of my girlfriends think I am just protecting myself, but I don't think that's it either because I don't want a girlfriend right now. All I want is to go out, have a good time, and meet some attractive women... this is all getting very strange to me. MERRY X-MAS EVERYONE!! :p
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Dec 24, 2005, 04:41 PM
    Dating
    What is wrong with just dating several different ladies either and meeting and dating new ones and building a relationship or not building one.

    That is what dating is all about. Before I meet Toni, I most likely went out with 20 or so different ladies over a time. All nice, and so on, but never that special someone.
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #3

    Dec 24, 2005, 07:05 PM
    You are not ready for a relationship. The woman you are dating shows interest in you but your brain being not ready for a relationship says " Danger, Jeff! She likes you! oh my god she must want a relationship!" Does that sound about right?
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #4

    Dec 24, 2005, 07:23 PM
    I think that is pretty much dead on. I think it is just going to take some time for me to get back into the swing of dating. When women show interest I think it bugs me out and I lose interest in them. I have been told that I am easy to fall in love with, and that kind of freaks me out right now I guess. Its just funny to me the kinds of women I find myself going for now. Not easy girls in fact, the exact opposite. I want a REAL challenge and that's something that I have never had. I don't mean getting women in this sense, I want a women that can challenge me mentally and make me think about things in a new way, or a woman that has her own mind, not just a pretty face. I have been with the pretty face and it just gets boring to me now... jeez Im getting picky. I am the kind of guy that thinks opposites attract, I don't want someone that thinks or agrees with everything I have to say just because they have no idea what I am talking about. I am tired of these "bar chicks" I guess. Don't get me wrong, I like to go out and have a good time, but there is a lot more to me than that. WHERE ARE YOU SMART GIRLS AT!? :cool:
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #5

    Dec 24, 2005, 07:45 PM
    There's nothing wrong with that. You know what it is? When you get to a certain level of experience in your life your attractions for certain things and people change with that. You have become a man. Congratulations. I hope you find someone who is right for you. But just explain to them you aren't ready for a relationship from the start so they aren't confused.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #6

    Dec 24, 2005, 07:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by crankiebabie
    You have become a man. Congratulations.
    AMAZING QUOTE!! Hahahahahahahahaha, really funny!:p
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #7

    Dec 24, 2005, 08:01 PM
    Well, its true! When your young and immature all you care about is pretty faces and how fast you can get the pretty face in your bed. BUt when you grow out of that stage you want more than that. You have broken from your cocoon and emerged a manly butterfly.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #8

    Dec 25, 2005, 06:23 AM
    Keep looking
    Hi,
    Sounds like you are looking for a particular type of woman, and haven't found her yet.
    Please keep looking, and continue not being serious about anyone yet. Eventually, you will find someone who "really turns you on", mentally and physically.
    She is out there; all you have to do is find her. Don't be "down" on yourself, because we all have been through the same things, at one time or another.
    Happy New Year.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #9

    Dec 26, 2005, 04:16 PM
    UPDATE: Ok, there is this girl that I had a crush on about 2 years ago while I was with my EX, but I distanced myself from her because I had a girlfriend. We had a great time together and I really just enjoyed everything about her. Well, Xmas eve I get a call. I don't recognize the # it was a 707 area code:confused: . I pick up and its her! I haven't talked to her in about 2 years nor seen her and she is in town and wants to hang out, cool. So on xmas we hang out all night and just basically pick things up right where they left off. The crappy thing is, she is in the military (IRONY!! ) and she is leaving on Tuesday!! She won't return for a while Im sure, so I don't really want to start anyhting I can't go through with here, but this blows!! We are going out to dinner in about an hour:D but it is in a pretty big group (I thought this would be better so there are no expectations and keep it friendly). She is an AMAZING girl, everything I could ever want in a woman minus the location... CALIFORNIA!! Poop, I just think it is funny that I made this thread less than a week ago and BAM, things change, but not really I guess. She will be "in" for at least another year, so I guess I should just keep the friends thing going and play it by ear. Just kind of funny, so I thought I would share. :p
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #10

    Dec 28, 2005, 09:37 PM
    Any ideas on how I would go about this situation? Is this worth going for? This is the first girl since my brek up that I have REALLY been interested in, but I don't know what to do about it. I want to talk to her all the time, but I haven't called her yet because I don't want to seem like a psycho. On the last night she was here we both told each other we have liked one another for a long time but just didn't go for it because of our currents. She won't be out for another year, and it seems silly to go out when we can't be together. :p Just my luck huh? I could use some advice on this one guys, I feel so funny. I am the kind of person that NEVER gets flustered, but with her I am a wreck. I love the feeling because nobody does this to be but her. Im not saying I am in love with her, I am just smitten I guess... ;)
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
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    #11

    Dec 29, 2005, 12:55 PM
    Dude just go out with the chick and have fun. Sure she's in the military and that means she be gone for a little while but that don't mean you can't go out on a few dates with her. If you don't take the chance to make things happen your going to what if yourself for the rest of your life.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #12

    Dec 29, 2005, 01:13 PM
    I totally agree with you, but it is kind of hard because she lives like 3000 miles away from me. :o I don't know, I guess I will just play it be ear.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #13

    Dec 29, 2005, 08:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jeffatl
    I totally agree with you, but it is kind of hard because she lives like 3000 miles away from me. :o I dunno, I guess I will just play it be ear.
    Jeff - are you scared to be alone for a while? Jumping back into the 'saddle' is for horses, not women. You just got over a hard time, now you've jumped right into another... I think that if you take some time, learn to sit back and enjoy your own company for a change, and email this new/old gal for a duration and see what comes out of it you'll be better off. If you keep desperatly looking, and disappointing yourself all over again, then you will go nuts. Fix up your place, go out with some guys, go to the pool or gym, read some good books, and j*ck off when you get that itch, but spend some time with yourself and get to know YOU and not be scared of being alone. What you seek just might be right within you - find it, then you can share it with reassurance and confidence.

    I know a lot of people that go out every night, and always on the move because they can't stand to be alone for fear of going crazy, and this is very common lately and our staff has discovered that it is a type of stress symdrome that has hit people due to the changes the entire world is going through. One of my psychiatry friends is even planning on writing a book about this, so when he's done, I'll let you know where to get it (he's in the military too). I wish I could help him work on it, but I'm stuck at home and we talk only once a week now.

    No matter what your plans are, I sure wish you the best and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

    Remember me, M2?.






    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #14

    Dec 29, 2005, 10:29 PM
    What your deal is sweetheart is that you are going out with the wrong intentions. I think you're going out and in the back of your mind you're already finding excuses or reasons you can't or don't want to get "involved". How about going out to meet friends? Go out with the intention of meeting new people in general, not just females that may or may not attract you. You may one day sit next to a chubby girl with a big heart, great sense of humor and intelligent as hell. Wouldn't you love to have this girl as a friend? No pressure or expectation, just fun friendship. Adding new friendships and acquaintances can never hurt. Think of it as expanding your sphere of influence. Meeting new people, you'll go to new places, find new things to do and different parties to go to, until one day, BAM, the future Mrs. Jeff will walk through the door and that will be the beginning of the rest of your life!

    If this girl in the military lights you up, and it sounds like she does, there's no harm in keeping touch and depending on how it goes, maybe arranging a visit or two out to sunny California. I know the smog bites but the weather can't be beat, not too many states can brag about having 78 degree weather on Christmas day... and remember, if you end up marrying this girl here in Cali, I can DRIVE to your wedding, but we'll still have to fly M2 in!:p
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #15

    Dec 30, 2005, 03:34 AM
    I agree guys, I totally am NOT ready to jump back into another relationship, and I know that. I guess the thing that has brought me out of my funk is that I actually like another girl, and I think that this is a bIG step for me!! I don't want to start up a relationship with this girl just yet, I think that would be foolish, so I am with you M2!! I am just STOKED about getting that giddy feeling for another woman. I would never try something with her right now becaue #1 I am not ready, and #2 she lives across the nation. Don't worry for me guys, I think I have a level head about this and I will approach with CAUTION. She just got out of a LONG relationship around the same time I did, so I don't want to push it with her either. Man I am soooooo happy right now!! But, I don't want you guys to think it is because I think I am in love. I am just glad that I got over that final "hump" and am over the EX. I know I can "like" again, and I was worried that I would just compare all these women to my EX. I will stay single for AT LEAST another... 5 months because I want to be selfish for a while and do things for ME for once. I have my confidence back 100% and actually turned down a girl tonight!! Hahahaha, that feels like me. I don't want to sound big headed, but I am PICKY as hell and NEVER just go for what is there. I love you guys so much!! I am a bit drunk right now, but it was my buddies b-day and we are going skydiving tomorrow!! I am scared!! :cool: I am so gratefull that I have you guy to coach me through all of this, and I really wish you could meet some of these women and tell me what you think (it would be interesting). My best gal friend is the one that does it now, and according to her, nobody is good enough, so that doesn't really work. Good night guys! Wish me luck on skydiving tomorrow!! :eek:
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #16

    Dec 30, 2005, 03:43 AM
    M3, she live in Vacaville California. She said it BLOWS because all there is are cows. I am not really thinking of marriage with this one at this time, I just want to take this SLOW real SLOW and just see what come out of it. I see where you and chery are coming from on this, but its not a "jump back in" type thing. I don't want to do that at all. I could keep it just friends, but there is more to it thatn that so I kind of want to see where it goes. Like I said, I have liked this girls for a LONG time and we get along sooooooo well. I think we would make a GREAT item but I am just going to take it as it comes, with NO expectaions what so ever! She is half Korean and beautiful, SMART, funny, all that great stuff. Getting sleepy so I will be back tomorrow night (I hope). Good night M2, M3, and all that have been helping me!! Love you all!
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #17

    Dec 30, 2005, 04:55 AM
    We love you too, babe. Have fun and be careful with the skydiving, I always worry about my 'kids' in times like these - natural mother instint. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
    Love and Kisses, M2.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #18

    Dec 30, 2005, 08:05 AM
    You've already said that you don't want a relationship right now so I really don't think you have a problem. You've said that you just want to meet some women, go out and have a good time and that sounds like what you're doing. Actually, under the circumstances, it seems like a good thing that you lose interest relatively quickly. After all, it wouldn't be fair to string a woman along making her think that you were really interested in her when you've already stated that you don't want any kind of relationship right now. All things considered, I'd just keep right on doing what you've been doing.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #19

    Dec 30, 2005, 08:24 PM
    Just wanted you guys to know that sky diving was INSANE!! I made it to earth in once piece, and plan on doing it aga in VERY soon. If you have the opportunity to go, DO IT!!
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #20

    Dec 30, 2005, 08:33 PM
    Sounds like **** in your pants fun... can't wait! Glad you had a ball! In case I don't post again before next year, have a happy and very SAFE new year, please NO DRINKING AND DRIVING! :D

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