Check out some similar questions!

lusero · Jul 20, 2008, 10:29 AM

My boyfriend likes to hang out with his female friends and I don't like that. I myself have stopped hanging out with my male friends. I haven't mentioned to him that it makes me uncomfortable when he goes out with his female friends. In my point of view it is not healthy because through time his female friends may develop a deeper relationship and may start liking him as more than just friends. I trust my boyfriend but don't trust his friends. We've been friends for 2 years and started dating 1 month ago. Am I right in feeling this and how do I tell him without seeming controlling?

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2008, 11:12 AM

It really depends on how serious he is with you and what he calls hanging out.
I think that as long as somebody can invite you along too then it is probably just good friends but for them to go hang out and you have no idea where they are, what they are up to and things like that then I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable.
Maybe you should cool your relationship down a bit and hang out with your male friends.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander and he shouldn't mind any more than he expects you to mind. Why stay home while he is out hanging out?

krishiafaith · Jul 20, 2008, 11:26 AM

You must say to to your boyfriend what you feel about that matter. You should speak and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable when he goes out with his female friends... Try to understand each other's feelings and situation... Aside from that, you should also confront his female friends about that and what you feel as a girlfriend of the said guy...

hjpan · Jul 20, 2008, 06:15 PM

Express how you feel before the situation gets worse.

erin7799 · Jul 20, 2008, 06:52 PM

Depends on how you feel about it. If you really are uncomfortable with it then no. He should not. I was in the same position. I had guy friends and when I met my boyfriend there's a time for that to stop. So I did. I stopped talking to them the way I did before we were together. But he didn't stop. He was going out to the bars with them, going back to their houses to hang out with, talking and texting all of the time. It got old. And generally there ends up being something more. It did with my situation. I sat home waiting while he was out with his... "friends". No guys I know have friends that are girls that they didn't try something with or at least want to. Does he ask you to come along when he is with them? If so that's great! You yourself may make some great friends through him. But if that's not the situation and it makes you feel that uncomfortable then it should stop. If he cares enough for you, he'll do it.

talaniman · Jul 20, 2008, 07:39 PM

Start with honest communications, and get to know his female, and males friends. I understand being wary of strangers, but not friends, as you both should know who the other is with. That applies to you, and your male friends also, he should know them.

is this right · Jul 21, 2008, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by lusero

My boyfriend likes to hang out with his female friends and I don't like that. I myself have stopped hanging out with my male friends. I haven't mentioned to him that it makes me uncomfortable when he goes out with his female friends. In my point of view it is not healthy because through time his female friends may develop a deeper relationship and may start liking him as more than just friends. I trust my boyfriend but don't trust his friends. We've been friends for 2 years and started dating 1 month ago. Am I right in feeling this and how do I tell him without seeming controlling?

Let him go out with them. Better yet, organise a party or night out, and ask him if he would like to invite any of them. As a guy I can honestly tell you his intentions are probably 100% genuine, and he just enjoys their company and hanging out with them.

If you raise this with him, he will carry the issue in the back of his mind for the length of your relationship. I hate playing games, but there is always an element of gamesmanship at the beginning of any relationship, so take it as a test, play it cool, and don't expose yourself to him entirely but making reference to the girls, and the fact you don't like it.

In your own words you trust him, so let it run and see what happens. If he wanted to be with them he wouldn't be going out with you!

Good luck,

Johnny Knocker · Jul 21, 2008, 07:52 AM

You just started dating, and they have been his friends for how long?

1.) I don't think he would start to date you and then try and get with his friends.
2.) If you tell him that he can't hang out with his friends, the relationship will most likely be over.

I mean his friends will always be his friends, relationships (hate to say it) come and go. If you ditch your friends, your f'ed.

JBeaucaire · Jul 21, 2008, 04:30 PM

Dating isn't about identifying dangers and avoiding them, it's about identifying compatibility issues and confronting them. For you, there are several things here you need to resolve:

Is he trusthworthy?
Are you a controlling personality? Is your fear cause enough to put it on HIM to solve YOUR fear?
Are you self-confident enough to be "OK/happy" regardless of how things turn out with this guy (or any guy)?
Can you be comfortable in your relationship enough to NOT need to control his friends or free time?

Either a guy is trustworthy or he isn't. Keeping him away from easy targets (female friends) won't solve the problem.
Until he DOES something to undermine it, trust should be given automatically. If you already don't trust him, either you're smarter than you realize or your paranoid. Either way it's already bad for your relationship, right?

Let him hang with whomever he wants. Always. Find out if he IS trustworthy and honor the answer. If he cheats, there you go. Best to FIND OUT, than avoid it until you've been together so long you have to put up with it.

Tuscany · Jul 21, 2008, 04:35 PM

The key to any good relationship is communication. It is vital that you talk to your boyfriend to tell him how you feel. In that discussion you might find that you are worrying unnecessarily. That being said, if you can't trust your boyfriend then there might be more of an underlying issue in your relationship.

On a personal note if my husband told me to get rid of my guy friends I would be extremely hurt.

NAJ329 · Apr 2, 2010, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by erin7799

......it makes you feel that uncomfortable then it should stop. If he cares enough for you, he'll do it.

I disagree. Unless there is a valid reason of why you don't like them besides them being another girl and the guys friend you can't say anything. If the girl is a boyfriend stealer or causes problems in your realationship, or treats you (the gf) like crap then you are right.

But a guy should not have to give up friends just because they are female.