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geovanni orozco · Sep 16, 2008, 02:14 PM

My boyfriend is not affectionate he holds my hand and kisses me only if I tell him though.If we hold hands he doesn't just take it he holds his hand out to get me to hold it.How should I deal with it?

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 16, 2008, 02:32 PM

Wow, OK well I don't know if I can be of any help seeing as how I JUST got my first boyfriend a couple weeks ago and we haven't really been all affectionate (well, more than friends, but less than what boyfriend and girlfriend should in my mind, but I'm his first girlfriend too so no harm no foul I guess) but I'll try.

I think you should tell him how you feel and if there is still no change I would say he isn't really interested. That's just my suggestion.

jrsg · Sep 16, 2008, 03:59 PM

He may just be a little nervous. He could be afraid that he will be rejected by his attempts to be more affectionate with you, so he only does it when you request it. Everybody is afraid of rejection, and embarassement.

I would definitely tell him how you feel. Tell him you like it when he does those things to you (whatever they may be) and that he can do them whenever he wants (as long as it is appropriate).

This is a problem I had, and probably played a big role in why one of my relationships ended. The only reason the relationship ended is because neither of us communicated to each other that we were unhappy with our lack of a physical relationship. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!

And, how old are you? If you are young, your boyfriend may just be inexpirienced with certain things, and he may not want to just start doing those certain things without knowing FOR SURE that you want it. That was my problem when I was younger... Even though I am only 16 now. :)

ylaira · Sep 16, 2008, 04:27 PM

When you want your partner to be affectionate to you, be affectionate yourself and he'll mimick it eventually.

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 16, 2008, 04:30 PM

Yes, but Ylaira how do you know that will work. I mean, you can follow it if you wish and I think it will work, but do you have any experience with it Ylaira?

ylaira · Sep 16, 2008, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by pikachufannumber1

Yes, but Ylaira how do you know that will work. I mean, you can follow it if you wish and I think it will work, but do you have any experience with it Ylaira?

(From my post to your question)

I just read somewhere that when guys (a lot) are sad or deeply thinking, they want to be left alone. So my guess is, when you're sad, it's better to give you space because that's what he does to himself.

My BF's were all affectionate but there are some part that my current one don't. When we ares till starting, if he rings me and I don't sound enthusiastic, he already know that there is something wrong. So he'lls say " Just ring me when you feel okay.Bye"" Since when he's upset, he wants to be alone. When Im pissed off, I want him to baby me so I tell him to talk to me. Later on, he's patterned that way that he just doesn't say bye bye when having a bad hair day. Same thing when I ask him to text me me sweet everyday.

But I have to agree that if he doenst follow, he is just not interested.

pikachufannumber1 · Sep 16, 2008, 05:19 PM

Ah, OK well that makes sense, but again, I just don't like the patterned thing again because I am anything but patterned. It just isn't appeaing to me. Oh well, this is not my problem. I was just wanting you to clarify that.

ylaira · Sep 16, 2008, 05:28 PM

I don't know if my word is right but what I mean is 'HE ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO".

But then again, we can't change people just to fit in our mr.dreamboy. You can try though but as logn as you still feel respected, he shows effort, he communicates well and he's trustworthy, its good to go.

pinkcelly123 · Sep 17, 2008, 08:33 PM

I actually had a boyfriend like that.. really strange.. I think he is just shy or inexperienced or both or maybe he feels weird doing the gushy love thing some guys are not into that they feel less of a man when it comes to wanting to hold hands they might want to but feel like there being soft you know he might want you to be the gushy love girlfriend lol and take charge. Just tell him exactly what you just said if he doesn't say anything then you can conclude he is one of which I have stated earlier.. it all matters if your willing to deal with playing that role but he should lossen up and try harder but bring it up because your in the relationship to and have needs that you want met