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    Trouble321's Avatar
    Trouble321 Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member

    Aug 29, 2007, 01:44 PM
    Married guy crossed the friendship line
    Well there is this guy I have been friends with for the last 8 months or so. I have tried to become friends with his wife also but she is resistant to get to know me. She tells her husband that she doesn't trust me (even though she doesn't know me).

    Well he attempted to cross the friendship line last weekend. He went to kiss me and I held out my hand and pushed him away. I knew that he was attracted to me but I had no idea he would betray his wife like that. When I stopped him and gave him a warning stern NO, he got all freaked out and took off. Then 5 minutes later he calls me and asks if I am going to tell his wife. Yea, tell a woman who doesn't like me that her husband tried to kiss me. I don't think she would believe me even if I did tell her.

    My problem is this, I don't even know if I can be friends with him anymore. He came around the next day apologizing again and I told him to just forget it and never bring it up again.

    I kind of feel responsible by not telling his wife. If he ends up having an affair later on, she will just get hurt by him. But I don't feel its my place to tell her, and maybe it was just an accident he will learn from.

    They will be married 1 year next week. Have already been having problems financially and otherwise. She has had a miscarriage and they are now working on opposite shifts and only see each other on the weekends.

    This incident has been weighing heavily on my conscience. I feel that I should tell him we can no longer be friends. Can I have some opinions on what you would do in this situation?

    Oh and FYI, I have NO interest in this guy, regardless if he's married or single
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member

    Aug 29, 2007, 01:56 PM
    First of all, you do not actually know if his wife really said that, do you? Did she call you or speak to you in person and say she did not trust you? This came from her husband, right? That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. If you met his wife and got to like her and she like you, then he knows he could never attempt first base with you. Plus, you do not know what he comes home and says about you. Maybe he told her that you are coming on to him. That has been known to happen before.

    If I were you, I would not see this guy as a friend. There would be that tension between you two and you would wonder if he was going to try something again. Something tells me that you are not the first woman he has flirted with and tried to become "more friendly." His question to you about you calling his wife. Alarm bells!! Bet you a treat at Dairy Queen that he has been down that road before.

    Whatever problems he and his wife are having - those are theirs alone and no one can do anything about them. If he is using playing around on his wife as a an excuse for being in a poor marriage - what a schmuck he is. Of course, I do not know what his wife is like.

    Be proud of yourself for telling the guy, "NO" and meaning it.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert

    Aug 29, 2007, 01:56 PM
    The wife probably does not like you because she knows her husband is a cheater. Her anger at you is misplaced. But women do stupid stuff like that sometimes. They get mad at the woman and stay with the no good husband.
    There should be no question about being friends with this guy. He's a creep. He's got a lot of nerve even approaching you again. Tell him to get lost and stay lost.
    bas86's Avatar
    bas86 Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 29, 2007, 06:30 PM
    Who knows ! Maybe the man isn't happy with his wife. They're gathering on the weekends only.thats really hard for both of them,I think that he won't look at you like friend he knows again.some times we lose control on our imotions.
    If I were you ill ask him why he kissed me? The answer will decide what kind of men he is.
    Hope you'll pick the right choice
    Trouble321's Avatar
    Trouble321 Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member

    Aug 29, 2007, 06:48 PM
    He did NOT kiss me. I pushed him away.
    And its not my problem if he isn't happy with his wife.
    My concern is how I can remain friends with him... I'm starting to think I cannot.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert

    Aug 29, 2007, 06:50 PM
    No you cannot remain friends. Friends don't do stuff like that. He may get the idea he can try that mess again. Besides, he's a creep.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Aug 29, 2007, 06:57 PM
    Stay away from both husband and wife. The less you are involved with their business, the less you will be blamed for their issues and problems.
    Trouble321's Avatar
    Trouble321 Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member

    Sep 2, 2007, 03:14 PM
    I told him on Thursday over the phone (he called me as he left work) that we could no longer be friends. Then Friday he came by the store I work (where I first met him) and kind of hung around. I totally ignored him and finally he got the hint. He said, "I guess I won't shop here anymore" I just said, "that is up to you". I only told him not to hang around and try to be social while I was working. Well today he came by again (he knows my schedule) and I acted like my usual self, said hello, he ignored me and acted cold... like on purpse to maybe get a reaction? I don't know...
    His 1 yr wedding anniversary is tomorrow. I can't believe he is even behaving this way.
    I'm starting to think he had more feelings for me than I realized, and I don't think I ever did anything to initiate them. I have never been any more friendly with him than anyone else who shops in the store. And I had repeatedly asked to meet his wife.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert

    Sep 2, 2007, 05:23 PM
    When you said "well that's up to you" instead of telling him flat out No! you led him to believe there is a chance. Which is another reason you need to not be friends with you. He is married and he will cheat with you. Don't give him any thing less than a "get out of my face, don't talk to me ever"
    Trouble321's Avatar
    Trouble321 Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member

    Sep 2, 2007, 05:26 PM
    He is a customer and I cannot tell him to not shop at the store. That would get me into trouble.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Sep 2, 2007, 05:34 PM
    Allowing him any attention has nothing to do with business. How would you handle an inappropriate customer? That's how you handle him.
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
    Ultra Member

    Sep 2, 2007, 09:06 PM
    The simplest way is to stop talking to him, he can sense it that you are not interested in.
    Men are smarter than you think, once you stop talking to him, he will notice it and understand that you don't want him.
    statictable's Avatar
    statictable Posts: 436, Reputation: 34
    Full Member

    Sep 2, 2007, 11:55 PM
    Not your place to inform anyone. How do you know his wife? Do you work with him? I think both parties learned a lesson and from just an attempted kiss. Marriage at 1 year can be fragile and most people have the instinct to help others build and strengthen their relationships.
    betty99's Avatar
    betty99 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 19, 2007, 07:00 PM
    You can't be friends with a married man. Period. That constitutes what's called an emotional affair and it hurts a marriage, because it takes energy away from it--even if there is no sex involved in the friendship.

    Obviously, this man is a cheat, and that's why his wife dislikes you. She knows what kind of man she's married to and sees you, and any women, he's friendly with, as a threat. It's sad that he has only been married for a year and is already shopping for greener grass. What a loser!

    If I were you, I'd have nothing else to do with this man. If he's a customer, keep your conversations with him focused solely on business.

    Good luck,

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