First, I recommend counseling.
Second, you need to take things one day at a time right now, you have a lot on your plate. Think of the two little ones you have looking up to you and all that they have witnessed in their young lives. You really have to work on you, a father figure is not any good to your children if you are dating the same type of garbage as their father.
Start developing yourself esteem, but the first step is counseling.
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