Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #1

    Jun 21, 2008, 12:55 PM
    It's driving me nuts - when will he stop being distant?
    Ok so first off, I know I have already writteN a lot of related posts, but if anything you guys all help to give me peace of mind when I wake up confused again! As I've said in my prior posts the guy I am dating has been distant the past week. He has a lot of stress right now w/ family, work etc. But how long will this distance thing last? It's driving me nuts! Especially because we have talked before about how weekends are great times to hang out because there is more time etc, and haven't heard from him this weekend. He usually always sends a little text if we are out doing our own things on Friday or calls me Saturday morning but nope - nothing! How can a girl not start to take that personally? It makes me feel like I have done something to screw what we had going of 3 months, up. I'm starting to think that maybe it's not just that he needs space but that I did something wrong like get upset the other night when he was trying to deal with some of his guy sh-t(damn PMS).
    I haven't been contacting him, and last night I went out and did my own thing, Sunday I made plans with friends - but do I just not contact him at all and hope he comes around? Or is it okay to call him in a few days if I haven't heard from him and ask him to dinner my treat or something? Keep in mind I sent him a text saying that I'm here when he wants to do something to take his mind off things.
    When will this end?
    mimi03's Avatar
    mimi03 Posts: 201, Reputation: 45
    Full Member
     
    #2

    Jun 21, 2008, 02:32 PM
    I think I commented on another one of your posts about this subject... I think you need to try to relax!
    You need to chill out and just focus on yourself, do your own thing.

    -Hang out with friends, family people who actually want/enjoy being in your company
    -Dont contact him anymore, If he's really trying to get through a rough time he'll contact you when he's ready!

    Be patient... Be proactive (dont put your life on hold) and finally relax a little.
    RedneckMama's Avatar
    RedneckMama Posts: 103, Reputation: 17
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Jun 21, 2008, 02:45 PM
    I haven't read your other posts on the subject... so I don't know what exactly your guy is going through; but if you stay with another person long enough, you'll notice that not only will you need them around to help weather your own ups and downs, but they will require that same service of you...

    Here's the thing though, boyfriend may only need to know that you are there willing to help him rather than need you as a shoulder to cry on every time a new crisis arises, like you may need him in your own times of need... know what I'm saying? Guys handle drama much differently than us women folk!

    I think it's great that you texted him ONCE, reminding him that if he needs you for whatever, you're there... but let that be it... give him his space... I think you said you've only been dating for 3 months, right? He might not be ready to show you his 'emotional' side while he's going through this problem... give him his room like mimi suggested and do your own thing... chances are he'll be very impressed at you for being able to be relaxed, allowing him to have his freedom about things... guys love that...
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #4

    Jun 22, 2008, 12:44 AM
    Thanks ladies. I know, I do need to relax. I just like him you know! But I have always been good at keeping busy so that's not a problem. Hopefully he will come around soon, I got upset earlier that I hadn't heard from him all weekend, but coming home to your posts helped me. So thanks. And even thought I want to reach out to him again, f_ck it, he can contact me.
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #5

    Jun 23, 2008, 04:26 PM
    You guys seriously, I'm trying my best.. but how long does a guy stay in his "man cave" for? I just want to see him!
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #6

    Jun 23, 2008, 05:13 PM
    If he doesn't want to see you then you are just prolonging your hurt
    Contacting him if he is considering seeing you again will likely make him feel like he did have some contact with you and some guys consider that enough to go some more time without calling or seeing you if you seem desperate to him. No contact and see if and when he contacts you, if not he wasn't worth wasting your time on.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Jun 23, 2008, 05:19 PM
    The thing is you never know, even he don't know. It could be one month, two month, or maybe next week, nobody knows.

    If you continue to worry about him, it will only need depression and it will tear you apart. Stay strong and do something to ease your mind. When I'm feeling low I light a nice scent candle with nice music and just relax. Maybe you need to find something that can help you, there's many things to do.
    RedneckMama's Avatar
    RedneckMama Posts: 103, Reputation: 17
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Jun 23, 2008, 06:40 PM
    "but how long does a guy stay in his "man cave" for??"

    ... I doubt there's a certain length of time for this man behavior; but I do think it depends on what he is going through... I know you've mentioned him having his stresses; but how severe are they? Is it financial trouble? Death in the family? Roommate problems?

    I suppose you'd go by how bad whatever it is he's going through really is... and how long you think you can go without him being around... you've done what you could by contacting him... You could keep trying that, but it's going to make you look needy and clingy...

    Either hang in and try to ride the waves while he toils away at his problem or bail now and get on to the next Mr.Right...
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #9

    Jun 23, 2008, 07:29 PM
    I guess I will try to hang in there, I have been keeping myself occupied, but its still driving me nuts a little, especially since he was the one to initiate his feelings for me and he has said and done a lot of genuine things that made me feel that this is all going in a great direction, so now that this curve ball came at me - I'm confused. I haven't seen him deal with a problem before, but I know enjoys his personal space a lot as we all should. I figure I will hang in and let him contact me, and if he doesn't I might just call him in a week and be like "what is up" for real! You would think by me not calling, he is wondering about me right. I would feel much better about all this if the last time I saw him I wasn't pmsing and moody about the whole thing. But thanks ladies for the advice.
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #10

    Jun 24, 2008, 10:02 AM
    Ladies - I Thought Id Let You Know He Called Last Night. Phew. I Feel Relieved, But Im Also Not Giving In So Fast I Will Wait A Day To Call! How Dare He Think I Jump To The Phone To Call Him Back Right Away Lol. Thanks Again For The Tips... I Do Need To Stop Stressin I Know, It's Just Hard When You Like Someone!
    RedneckMama's Avatar
    RedneckMama Posts: 103, Reputation: 17
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Jun 24, 2008, 07:32 PM
    See... what we'd tell you? Now aren't you glad you didn't go off stalking the boy and making him think you can't live without him! Way to hang in there...
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #12

    Jun 24, 2008, 07:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by RedneckMama
    See...what we'd tell ya?! Now aren't you glad you didn't go off stalking the boy and making him think you can't live without him!! Way to hang in there...
    LOL yes I am, but I called him after work today, I thought to myself maybe I should wait longer, but I did it anyway I wasn't trying to play games... and here it is 4 hours later and he hasn't returned the call. I know to give people the beenfit of the doubt and allbut it bothers me - like he should step up his sh_it because he screwed me over this weekend. Not call me at his leisure. I'm going out tonight don't worry!
    confused1145's Avatar
    confused1145 Posts: 176, Reputation: 17
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Jun 24, 2008, 09:44 PM
    Be there for him. Give him a little time to work out his issues. Yes, after a few days make an attempt to hang out with him.
    luvababe33's Avatar
    luvababe33 Posts: 8, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #14

    Jun 26, 2008, 05:41 PM
    I had a boyfriend who did that and eventually I got the message he just wanted to be friends so I came 2 his house and told him I didn't want to be treated like that so we should break up and now he's a good friend
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
    Full Member
     
    #15

    May 26, 2009, 09:04 PM
    Met a great guy.but he's not single. But soon will be?
    I went out the other night, and met a great guy. He was the bartender at an empty hotel bar, I happened to stop in at for a drink after a business meeting. Instantly I was attracted to him, and while we got to know each other, I thought to myself I think I'm going to ask him if he's single and leave him my number. Well, we ended up leaving the bar when he got off work at 10p and went down the street to grab another drink. We had an instant connection of some sort and when the topic if dating came up... bamb, he got this look on his face. He was going through a breakup, moving out from his soon to be ex, and in all honesty, part of me was so dissapointed - timing is never to my luck! But I was trying to be the "cool" girl, and just enjoy his company and the night. I think if he were totally single, he would have definitely been more into it. Well, he didn't have a phone on him that night, and so he wanted to give me his #. So hear I sit, really wanting to see if there might really be something between us, but a) he's not single right now but trying to get out of his current situation and b) spent an amazing night with this guy and his friend who came and joined us, and don't want that to be the last time I see him. But I also don't want to be in the middle of anything messy. He was honest with me, which I appreciated, but at the same time I keep wondering if maybe he felt something too? Should I give it a week and casually call him? I wouldn't want to be his re-bound by any means, but life is too short not to see if maybe something is there right? I know this probably sounds like he's an , but he was the perfect gentleman, cool guy, I could tell he was on the outs of the situation. Ahhh!

    I'm 27 by the way... he was 29. Ugh timing.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
    Ultra Member
     
    #16

    May 26, 2009, 09:16 PM

    I know you don't want to be his rebound, but regardless, you will be, seeing as he'll be just out of a relationship.

    I know that he may be a great guy, etc. But really, if you want to keep a connection with him, I don't think it would hurt to call him and ask him to hang out, but perhaps you should mention that you don't want to be "that girl"... and possibly just hang out with him as friends until his breakup is finalized... but in the end, you may still end up being a rebound.

    If he really is a great guy, who knows, you know where he works... you can always go see him sometime in the future.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #17

    May 27, 2009, 01:38 AM
    I'd just leave it for the time being.

    Do you want to get involved with someone that hasn't dealt with his break-up s**t yet? That would really be bad timing.

    You're projecting on to him what you'd like him to be - in reality you don't know anything about him - just what you need at the moment.

    I'd be very cautious, it could in fact get awfully messy.

    Are you ready for that?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #18

    May 27, 2009, 04:54 AM
    I would tend to say he's not available.

    Once he is single, and settled on his own, call him and see how he's doing, and take it from there. He may welcome the call, he may not, but I would give him time and space without getting involved with him right now.

    How many couples separate and then get back together again. That could happen too.

    If you really can't help yourself and want to check this guy out further, then wait at least a few weeks. Just make sure (if there is a way you can find out) that he is on his own.

    Who knows, if you play your cards right, it may work out for you.

    Good luck.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #19

    May 27, 2009, 05:45 AM

    Just take it slow. Have the casual telephone conversation to keep in touch. Maybe when he's through with his breakup and recovered, then you guys can start spending more time together and go from there.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #20

    May 27, 2009, 07:09 AM

    Do not jump into anything until he IS broke up with her. You can occasionally talk and get to know each other, but wait for him to be free.

    You don't need complications with things like being accused of breaking them up or anything like that.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Driving me nuts [ 4 Answers ]

Ok so for the past month or so i have been trying to find a movie that i remember seeing when i was about 6 or so. The movie is partially animated and is about this boy who goes into a library and gets sucked into a book. In the book he becomes animated. He then meets 2 books one is dressed as a...

Both my mom and husband are driving me nuts. [ 6 Answers ]

Some of you probably know me with my dramatic life already from my previous note. Here is my situation now. My Mom hated my husband. I met him since I was 17 and now I am 31, married with two kids. He helped me to go to college while he was working two jobs and now, I am working two jobs...

Geckos Driving Me Nuts [ 2 Answers ]

How can I get rid of geckos in my home. I have lots of geckos crawling all over the walls and ceiling of my thatch roof house. People say they are good because they eat bugs, which is true. But they also poop all over everything and sometimes fall on you and scare the wits out of you. I...

Driving me nuts [ 2 Answers ]

Can anyone help me figure out what this movie is called? The story line is something like this guy has a friend that is a real a$$ , so the guy, his girlfriend and a few other friends come up with a plan to kill him. I know they all get caught. I think its based on a true story. The only other...

Pop up that's really driving me nuts! [ 6 Answers ]

Ok here's ths web addy that I have tried and tried again to get rid of on my computer. http://www.sysprotectionpage.com/ Now IDK if this is some kind of spyware/virus or whatever, I just can't seem to escape it. I have removed all sourses related to this addy, but it just keeps showing up...


View more questions Search