Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    markiepooeh's Avatar
    markiepooeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 12, 2018, 04:44 PM
    I'm in an interracial relationship and need answers
    We re still in the same nation and culture just a different race..
    Yesterday his mom said to him, "if can" he should find a girl who's in the same race, then she gave him her friend's daughter's numb and told him to contact her.. so he said yes to his mom and he did it, he chat her. Just to make his mom feels "okay"..
    This is our first obstacle since we re in a relationship not long ago, about 2 months..
    Bcs this is the first one, I'm still not get used to it, ofc I cried bcs I love him and I don't want him to.. he said there will be more hard obstacles in our relationship and this tiny one already "got me", how will we work. I said I just need time to get used to this thing..
    His mom didn't say 'no' about me but didn't say 'yes' either. He's 30 and I'm 22 by the way,so his fam already demand him to have a girl to get married.
    I know I should be a strong one if want this to work out but.. should I continue this relationship with him? I love him so much that I can't let him go :( and vice versa.. but still.. I'm scared we won't be together at the end.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #2

    May 12, 2018, 07:12 PM
    Obviously he values his mothers opinion, so much so in fact that he contacted this other girl to please his mother. If his mother doesn't accept you than it's unlikely that he'll go against her and marry you anyway. It's up to you if you want to risk it, stay with him and hope his mother changes her mind. Is he worth it? You've only been together 2 months, maybe it's best to get out now before you put too much time and effort into a relationship that's already having so many issues.
    markiepooeh's Avatar
    markiepooeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    May 12, 2018, 07:35 PM
    @Alty He already said no couple of times but his mother kept insisting till he said yes. And he chat that girl bcs he didn't want to make his mom embarrassed if her friend asked about whether he already chat her daughter or not.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,107, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #4

    May 12, 2018, 07:49 PM
    I need more information. You say you have been together for two months. How long have you known each other, and how did you meet? How long have you known each others families? Do you both live with your parents? If you marry where will you live? Have you talked to your family about him? What do they say, especially your mom? What are your racial differences? What country?

    Your intended is correct that there are many huge obstacles before you, but obviously for now he must appease and follow his mothers wishes (As do you with your family more than likely), so fighting is futile and immature. You may as well be calm and see if you both can talk together to love and support each other through this. That's how couples survive great obstacles, they work together and get through them.

    You may be in love but not ready for the rigors of marriage. It certainly will take a lot more than two months to figure things out. If you can answer my questions I may have more insights that hopefully may help you.
    markiepooeh's Avatar
    markiepooeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    May 12, 2018, 08:41 PM
    oh sorry, I meant 'fight' = keep going with him and ignore whateve his mom does about our relationship.
    we've known about 2years, we met through social media, we've known each other fams this 2 months since we re dating, he lives with his parents but I don't not bcs I study in other city.. if we marry maybe we'll live in his city, yes we re in a long distance relationship now.

    I only talked about him to my mom and she doesn't hv a problem with him. She said if we are truly in love then go on, date him. He's chinese and I'm not. We re in Southeast Asian
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,107, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #6

    May 12, 2018, 10:04 PM
    Thanks for the feedback. Your mom gave you great advice. Date and have fun getting to know each other and see what happens. Understand about his mom and let it go. Don't be jealous either, so there is nothing to fight about or for at this time. Long distance relationships are hard enough without letting outside people get between you. I think you already know that about his mom, so you shouldn't be all that surprised about her attitude or actions.

    You must be aware that you are also learning about YOURSELF, and how best to manage your own feelings. So don't get carried away by your fears, or lust or any other of those powerful emotions. RELAX! Be cool, and enjoy the dating experience. Focus on your education as you and your boyfriend both learn to deal with whatever life will throw at you. Trust me, more will be revealed later, as you move forward.

    You are in the middle of a learning process with many intense feelings so just go slow. Your mom sounds like she understands you and listening to her advice is a good idea. No one can predict the future, but we learn to deal with TODAY in a mature way.

    Good Luck!
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7691
    Expert
     
    #7

    May 13, 2018, 05:03 AM
    Race is a tough issue, because often it means there are culture issues also.

    It is sad to see he willl not stand up for himself and tell his mom he has a girlfriend, and he does not want to talk to another.
    Then he actually talks to another girl, which is a disrespect for you. Sounds like you and him need to talk seriously if he wants to be your boyfriend or if he is not going to stand up for himself.

    So do you actually date? Go out with friends, go to places in public?
    markiepooeh's Avatar
    markiepooeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    May 13, 2018, 05:32 AM
    Thanks for the feedback. Your mom gave you great advice. Date and have fun getting to know each other and see what happens. Understand about his mom and let it go. Don't be jealous either, so there is nothing to fight about or for at this time. Long distance relationships are hard enough without letting outside people get between you. I think you already know that about his mom, so you shouldn't be all that surprised about her attitude or actions.

    You must be aware that you are also learning about YOURSELF, and how best to manage your own feelings. So don't get carried away by your fears, or lust or any other of those powerful emotions. RELAX! Be cool, and enjoy the dating experience. Focus on your education as you and your boyfriend both learn to deal with whatever life will throw at you. Trust me, more will be revealed later, as you move forward.

    You are in the middle of a learning process with many intense feelings so just go slow. Your mom sounds like she understands you and listening to her advice is a good idea. No one can predict the future, but we learn to deal with TODAY in a mature way.

    Good Luck!
    Thank you so much for this sweet advice, I really need it. I thought I'm strong enough to go through this kind of relationship but actually not. I need to be more stronger though. Thankyouu
    markiepooeh's Avatar
    markiepooeh Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    May 13, 2018, 05:39 AM
    Race is a tough issue, because often it means there are culture issues also.

    It is sad to see he willl not stand up for himself and tell his mom he has a girlfriend, and he does not want to talk to another.
    Then he actually talks to another girl, which is a disrespect for you. Sounds like you and him need to talk seriously if he wants to be your boyfriend or if he is not going to stand up for himself.

    So do you actually date? Go out with friends, go to places in public?
    Yeah it is tough, but knowing he already said no couple of times And he chat that girl just bcs he didn't want to make his mom embarrassed made me think twice. We will talk, but not now, He needs time to think about this too bcs of my immature attitude, I think he's quite disappointed in me.

    Actually his mom knows about me, but still did that.

    Yupp, when we meet we go to places like any other couples do

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

How to overcome the criticism of being in a interracial relationship. [ 6 Answers ]

I'm black, and my boyfriend is white. Everywhere we go, we get shunned. It's 2013 I figured people would be over with the race thing and we're young (I'm 19, he's 23) so most people think it's a phase, but I plan on spending the rest of my life with this guy. But sometimes I can't handle it, even...

Interracial relationship cheap boyfriend? [ 8 Answers ]

Hi First of all, I'm japanese women who live in japan so my english is not good please understand my bad english. I have an american boyfriend we are both over 30. We met in online and everyday talked through the phone messenger for a few months. We both had a great feeling for each other. I made...

Relationship answers [ 2 Answers ]

The catch is we are both in other relationships. I know this is not the best thing and I never expect me and him to be together. I do have feelings for him, I care about him a great deal but at the same time keep asking myself what do I care about since we don't spend much time together. Lately...

Interracial Relationship and Tradition [ 9 Answers ]

Traditions are made to be broken Traditions are made to be broken as we grow older and with the so many unvarying changes around us the moralities and values that our ancestors once believed in are no longer structured into our lives. Things that were once unacceptable are now being accepted...

I really need ANSWERS(abusive relationship) [ 2 Answers ]

Im 14 and my mom is in an abusive relationship with an a@# hole. He treats me and her like crap. I'm sick of this,we have gotten into physical fights more than once and I want out. Its not my mom its him. The sound of his name turns my stomach and attitude. He ruins my day holidays even MY...


View more questions Search