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redbucket · Jun 22, 2012, 12:25 PM

Hello everyone. I have a dilemma I am 31 years old and living at home. I. Have decided to stay with my mom because its Benn the two of us since I can remember. My problem is I am dating a guy for 4 years now and he has asked many times to meet my mom. Now my mom doesn't know I have been dating him and I am scared to death of telling her. Any advice on how to start ? Thank you for the advice ahead of time.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2012, 12:30 PM

Your mom doesn't know you date or dating this person? You are an adult. Just tell her. Maybe it's time to get your own place

bonita82 · Jun 22, 2012, 12:43 PM

I take it that your mom isn't married or seeing anyone her self?
How old is she?

redbucket · Jun 22, 2012, 03:33 PM

Yes that sounds like a great idea but I cannot leave her alone we only have each bother. I just don't know how to bring it up and her reaction after.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2012, 03:36 PM

How old is your mom and is she in bad health or something?
Surly she must understand your desire to date.

redbucket · Jun 22, 2012, 03:44 PM

My mom is in her 50's and ti be honest we live together but we really don't have a mother daughter relationship.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2012, 03:53 PM

Well she is young, is she working?
Do you work? I think it is time to leave the nest. Don't you want to have a real relationship with this man? Don't let your mother ruin this for you, but also you need to be on your own and your mom needs to get a life.
I am the mother of a 30 year old daughter although I'm older than your mom, I want her to have someone in her life and have her own life.

Wondergirl · Jun 22, 2012, 04:00 PM

Why are you still living at home? I have a niece who is 30 and still living at home. Her mother tells her she will never have a better deal than this, that if she moves out, she will have to do all her own cooking and cleaning, and of course, there is always the comment, "Isn't my cooking good enough for you?" My sil is very needy and controlling, and my niece, her daughter, won't defy her and move out.

redbucket · Jun 22, 2012, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well she is young, is she working?
Do you work? I think it is time to leave the nest. Don't you want to have a real relationship with this man? Don't let your mother ruin this for you, but also you need to be on your own and your mom needs to get a life.
I am the mother of a 30 year old daughter although I'm older than your mom, I want her to have someone in her life and have her own life.

Yes, I work. I pay for food and rent and everything we need in the house. I do want a relationship with this man. We have gone out for so long that he feels that he wants to be able to talk to my mom and invite her to things that we do.

Wondergirl · Jun 22, 2012, 04:42 PM

Does your mother have a source of income? Is she housebound or handicapped in some way?

redbucket · Jun 22, 2012, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Does your mother have a source of income? Is she housebound or handicapped in some way?

No when I started working I made enough to pay for all the things we needed so I didn't see why she had to work when she has always worked.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 22, 2012, 04:52 PM

If you are basically supporting her, there is no reason you cannot date and have him over for dinner even. Your mother would just have to get over it.
Does she not know you are dating?
You're grown, tell her. If she does not like it, she can put you out, then she would have to get a job.
Does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she needs one.

Wondergirl · Jun 22, 2012, 04:52 PM

But it's not your responsibility to care for your mother if she is fully able to care for herself. What does she do all day? Does she have a social life and belong to organizations and clubs?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 22, 2012, 05:12 PM

You are a adult, time to start being one, sorry dating for how long ? She does not know?

You tell her and don't care about about what she says, time to let her know you are a adult.

Also time for mom to start having her own life, a job is one idea, she needs her own income, next she needs a social life, clubs, activities and so on.
In many places at 55 you can go to the senior center and do activities

redbucket · Jun 24, 2012, 04:36 PM

I am a wimp I cannot bring myself to tell my mom

Homegirl 50 · Jun 24, 2012, 04:40 PM

Then you are not going to have a life and that is your fault. At some point you're going to have to stand up to her. I would imagine your boyfriend will not do this forever. What if he wants to marry you, or anybody wants to marry you. What are you going to do?
Does your mom know you date, does she ever wonder about your dating situation?

redbucket · Jun 24, 2012, 07:50 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then you are not going to have a life and that is your fault. At some point you're going to have to stand up to her. I would imagine your boyfriend will not do this forever. What if he wants to marry you, or anybody wants to marry you. What are you going to do?
Does your mom know you date, does she ever wonder about your dating situation?

To be honest she has never has asked me about my dating life. That's the bad thing he has talked about getting married and moving in together.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 24, 2012, 07:54 PM

You are 30 years old. She must know you date. Does she say anything when you go out?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 24, 2012, 08:14 PM

The next time you go out, tell her you have a date.
I'm sure she knows you date though. She has to.
Just invite the guy over one day and introduce him. What is the worse that can happen?
What excuses do you give him for not meeting your mother?

redbucket · Jun 25, 2012, 12:50 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

The next time you go out, tell her you have a date.
I'm sure she knows you date though. She has to.
Just invite the guy over one day and introduce him. What is the worse that can happen?
What excuses do you give him for not meeting your mother?

I tell him the truth that she has attitude and she doesn't like it when I talk to people especially guys.