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    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #1

    Mar 2, 2010, 08:25 PM
    How To Pick Them
    Here we go. A real good question in my opinion. I have dated several women in my time. They all seem to be the same girl. What I mean is all of the women I have date have all had some sort of mental stigma so to speak. For instance my last three relationships including this one all three girls were bi-polar. The previous two had self image problems and might have possibly been bi-polar themselves. It seems that Bi-polar is a quality I unintentionally look for. I didn't know my fiancÚ was when I started dating her, but I soon found out cause she is very truthful and tells me these things. My friend has been complaining about the same thing, he seems to always date the same type of girl.
    :confused:
    My question then is, why do I pick the same type of girl every time? And why is it I am not attracted to people who are more.. normal. (not that I don't love my fiancÚ and not that I'm not thankful she is in my life)
    starfirefly's Avatar
    starfirefly Posts: 397, Reputation: 33
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    #2

    Mar 2, 2010, 10:06 PM

    Maybe the problem is that you are judging all women as being bipolar. Women are more sensitive then me and can be more moody at times but that doesn't make us bipolar. If you treat a girl the way she deserves to be treated then she will return the same respect. And if your still having problems finding a girl who isn't like "every other" girl then try meeting them up in different places
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert
     
    #3

    Mar 3, 2010, 06:46 AM

    3 is a small sample size out of 6+ bilion people in the world.

    If you're not attracted to the bi-polar quality, then why not wait until you get to know the girl better before jumping into a romantic relationship with them?
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #4

    Mar 3, 2010, 07:04 AM

    I wish that is good advice for some one that would still be searching. This was just something I had been wondering about. I was thinking that men look for the same type of girl. And to correct you starfirefly, they were all bi-polar. Not by judgment but by diagnosis. Not sure about two or three of them but they seem to act the same way at times. However that doesn't mean that I do not love them, it was literally just a question as to how men pick their women. I wasn't in any way knocking the girls I have dated because everyone of them has been smoking hot and what not. My fiancÚ is super model hot, giant assests, the most gentle soul, caring, mothering, sweet, and just all around the love of my life. Of course she has her flaws, we all do, but otherwise she is my perfect mate. Adding further support to the idea that maybe we search for the same type of women because that is what we imagine being with always.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert
     
    #5

    Mar 3, 2010, 07:14 AM

    Though you dated 3 of them with similar personalities, all 3 relationships ended for one reason or another. So if you look at it from that perspective, maybe that's not really the type of girl you're most compatible with.

    Again, make sure you get to know the girl well enough before jumping into a relationship with them. Strong feelings for the other person isn't always enough, make sure you're also compatible for one another.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #6

    Mar 3, 2010, 07:48 AM

    Perhaps your nature is to nuture,to care for and help...

    Perhaps subconsciously you are attracted to women who need a little more patience,making you feel good about yourself and needed.
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #7

    Mar 3, 2010, 07:58 AM

    Redhed you're right I think. I do find myself more attracted to people whom I would classify as damaged. Someone who needs my help I guess (or maybe doesn't need it but would appreciate it at least.) Is this wrong?
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #8

    Mar 3, 2010, 08:00 AM

    The problem with that larken is... you should have the skills to feel good about yourself WITHOUT the benefit of a relationship,and while everyone likes to feel needed by a partner,when its one sided and unbalanced it does not fair well.

    You have to ask yourself,why? What is it that I'm getting out of this? What's the pay off for rescueing the damsel?
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #9

    Mar 3, 2010, 08:48 AM

    She allows me to rescue her and she rescues me. This is why. She loves me with all of her being and tries very hard to make sure I know how much she loves me. It makes me feel good to feel that way about someone who also feels the same way that I do. We are really saving each other from very different but difficult situations and personalities. We support one another and confide in each other. That is what I get out of it. Certainly isn't sex. That hasn't happened in a while. Grrr... but that's not the point
    LivingtheLifeinFLA's Avatar
    LivingtheLifeinFLA Posts: 137, Reputation: 29
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    #10

    Mar 4, 2010, 12:32 PM
    What were your parents like? I think that if you really analyse your parents or your upbringing, you will find that somewhere you were forced to cater to this type of behavior. This became your safe zone that you became accustomed to.

    The subconscious mind leads you in the direction that you are going.
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #11

    Mar 4, 2010, 08:19 PM

    Oh god I hope you're wrong. If this girl turns out like my mother I will hang myself lol joking. Actually I know you are right to a degree, turmoil is something I've always loved and I can't stand it if there is no excitement or drama.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,285, Reputation: 10853
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    #12

    Mar 5, 2010, 10:39 AM

    What an interesting question Larken. I think when we look back on the choices we make we might see a pattern, and in my youth, I always liked the nice quiet types but as I got older, I seemed to go for the strong, confident, ones.

    I think I got one who fits (30 years married) now, she handles my sh1t well. Honesty, and loyalty, and speaks her mind, are what keeps me where I am, and she's smart. (opposites attract? Lol).

    I think the bottom line is once you know yourself well, you will know what you want. You seem to have a good idea what your about.

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