Hello please help me,
I posted a comment a few days back about a guy I liked, briefly outlining that I liked him but KNEW nothing could happen because of the differences between us, like smokin, drugs etc! It's still on my mind 24/7 but however much I WANT him I KNOW it can't happen. At the moment we speak its not the same, there's no texts, no cuddles and id also sort of say no trust anymore, he is being very off with me (but I think he is possibly joking, even though it all sounds nasty, he is also texting my best mate and things as well!) I'm not sure if that's just revenge though... however my main issue now is how can I get over him, I need to stop thinking about him all the time, I need to stop like trying to please him and I need to stop liking him as more than a friend, please if anyone has any advice what so ever on how to get over a lad you like, or any advice on why he is being this way with me? Or even better if anyone has been in a situation like this.. id like to hear your outcome, as if there's anything in the world I don't want its to loose him as a friend, as he will always mean the world to me, but I can't carry on the way I'm thinking its messing up my life! Thank you... please help

Stressed Out, I don't know how old you are but I am hazarding a guess that you are quite young.

Please see my reply to Still In Love in this dating section. It may help you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...are-57867.html

If this doesn't help, please give more details. I am a bit confused with the way you write your posting and am not sure as to what exactly is going on. How old are you? Is this a past relationship? Is this a relationship that you would like to have but realize it wasn't meant to be? Who in this situation is smoking, drugs, etc. you or him? Has he been seeing or dating your friend?

ill try to explain a bit better

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hey, im not really sure how this message gets to you and who can read it, but fi you could reply in the same place you did for the last post that would be fab thanks, as i don't think im receiving emails from people?! (this site its a bit confusing)
well i will tell you the story. For starters I am 18. This lad is from work, however I'm only part time. We started talking and getting to know each other way back in the summer. We started texting in like september and at first it was one ever couple of days and at this time i didnt like the guy, as he is on drugs, he smokes, he likes to drink a lot, gets in fights and stuff like that. but after we had been texting for a while and they became more frequent i couldnt help but see through all the bad things he does and see a nice different side to him. and all the time it was goin through my mind that possibly a relationship could work, but anyway in december we had it out and i said look its nothing more than mates, it was a hard thing to do and i felt bad as although i hadnt really realised if obviously been very flirty and led him on, he didnt take it too well, but over a week he came round and we started chattin again and then the texts started again and this time i new i was was being flirty as i really liked him and he is just on my mind all the time. then all of a sudden he just changed whether someone told him i wasnt interested as you must know what gossip is like in a shop it spreads quickly so people were asking me what was going on with this etc, and i told everyone nothing. anyway it wasnt all that long ago that we has it out again and seriously it was the hardest thing iv ever had to do, i had to tell him its mates only even thought deep down i want more and so does he. but he accepted it, seeing him for the first time was hard he was rather quiet but things picked up a little. however now iv just spent several weeks really really depressed as i feel like i have noone to talk to about him as he is on my mind 24/7. i know because of the strict parents i have and the fact thats hes into what he is (drugs etc) and despite the fact im stil 18 my parents have kurfews and want to know wher i am etc etc and people dislike him in work so my reputation would go down majorly and people would think differently to me, and i just know it would work, im not even sure i could trust him. but its so hard because i do feel something for him but i know its so much better to stay friends because if we trialled it and it went wrong we would stil have to work together and it would be even worse and you can imagine by now im sure?! but yeah lately hes been like texting my best friend (innocent i know, but it stil makes me feel a bit jealous) and no they have never dated, but he like talks about her, and mainly texts her when im with her and he knows im with her and in work he wil always walk over to her as appose to me and generally speaking hes trying to be more friendly with her etc and it upsets me i dont know whether its like revege or what? but i know things can't be the same between us if we are just going to stay mates but hes being funny with me in a nasty way and im sure he doesnt mean it? but at the end of the day i need to know how to get over liking him and just accept its mates only and also i would like to hear your advice and why he is being funny and stuff with me! its really gettin me down though and effecting my college work and concentration and it needs to stop asap. thanks for your help, you can see its muchly appreciated i need any support i can as i can't talk to friends or family about it!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whoa, Stressed Out, the name you chose is quite appropriate at the moment. :-)
I have reposted your private message to me here because I wanted you to review what you have written to me and someone else out there might have some additional advice to give to you. I doubt very much you will like what I am about to say but since you have asked, here goes:

I am not there and do not know what kind of interaction is taking place between the two of you for him to be acting "funny" with you. So, it is impossible for me to be able to explain it fully. I can only hazard a guess as to why he may be doing this. It is quite possible that he is responding the way he is because you have turned him down twice and you continue to flirt with him. Guys get very frustrated with that behavior and he might be trying to figure out why you are acting so "funny" with him. He may be interpreting it as you messing with his head. You need to stop this childish behavior with him. You are old enough to be acting like an adult and to handle your relationships in a more direct way. This is not fair to him or to you.

In any event, lets look at the facts. You have turned him down twice but continue to flirt with him. He has a drug problem. He has a drinking problem. You live at home and your parents are strict. You work with him.

The above has DISASTER written all over it. Stressed Out, you really need to stop this obsession regarding this man. NOW. This is an extremely unhealthy thing you are doing to yourself. You have already expressed this in your writing and you know in your head and heart, that you cannot date this man. PERIOD. End of story. It is time to pull yourself together and move on.

You need to go out with your friends and do other things for yourself as I suggested to that girl in my earlier posting. The only way you are going to free yourself of this compulsive behavior is if you force yourself to do other things. I know it won't be easy. But please, for your own well being, you must do this.

If this guy is into hard core drugs and drinks heavily, he is a loser, with a capital L. This will end in heartbreak for you if you take this any further. The other issue here is that you work with him. The number one rule in your business life is, don't date anyone you work with. The number one rule in your home life is, don't date anyone in the apartment or housing complex you live in. I will try to clean up the old saying a bit here, "Don't Poop Where You Eat." If you haven't heard that expression in your country, it is a very popular one here. If you try to date someone you work with and it doesn't work out (which is usually the case), you have to look at that person every day. If he has any pull with management, you will find yourself fired because he won't want you to be around him. Is that what you really want? Do you want to risk losing your business reputation at such a young age to a big time Loser? Personally, I never found it worth the trade off.

You have a lot of thinking to do here. Please consider what I am saying to you. I am sorry to be so blunt but since I am not with you to sit down with you and talk some sense into you, this is the best that I can do.

I don't know if you remember talking to me before . But the best thing you can do is move on. There are plenty of people out there for you. PM me for any questions or anything

If it's not meant to be, don't waste your time. You might be missing on someone great out there waiting... lol

I don't say it will be easy, but it's the best thing to do. GOOD LUCK ;)