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odilians10 · Mar 29, 2012, 09:48 AM

I have been seeing this guy for over 1m now, and we have been on several dates, he's about 12yrs older than I'm, so he has been in the game of dating for a while. He's never been married and no children. We have been talking/ texting everyday since we met, lately he's been very busy with diff situations in his life for about 1 week now, but he still finds the time to talk to me briefly. And we still hang out as usual. I always thought he was a player because he's very flashy and he's still on fb, though he uses his fb as an avenue to advertise his restaurant but he still post pic of himself. He owns a couple of restaurant and is well known in the area so he has a lot of women commenting on his post. I'm not emotionally attached even after we had sex, some of my frds thinks he's a player. I've asked him but of course he denies and told me not to judge him. My real concern is how do I know for sure if he's a player? He has not changed after sex. Thanks

DaniCalifornia · Mar 29, 2012, 10:50 AM

Discuss his past. Not being at all open is a signal he has something to hide. (Erm, duh) I'd just have a light hearted chat. Act as though you're interested in his dating history, and see what he tells you.

Remember you shouldn't have sex with someone UNTIL you know you're both emotionally attached. It creates problems, and complicates things.

x Dani

odilians10 · Mar 29, 2012, 11:03 AM

We had a little talk about his past, he told me he was in a relationship in the past for 4yrs (longest relationship) and his last relation ended 8m ago and it was an off/on relationship of 1yr... He actually should me pics of his past girlfriend from way back, which I found weird... When ever I say something like u 'I don't get my morning text' he says 'why do I always want to fin something wrong'...

DoulaLC · Mar 29, 2012, 11:26 AM

Perhaps you are more emotionally attached than you care to be, or that you realize, since you are concerned about what he may or may not be doing without your knowledge, and you have only been dating a month. Could you be seeing the relationship as more serious than he does right now?

Maybe back off on the sex and take more time to get to know him. Let him have a chance to get to know you better.

Why do some of your friends think he is a player? Because of how he dresses? Because some women comment on his Facebook page?

DaniCalifornia · Mar 29, 2012, 11:35 AM

I agree. At the beginning of MY relationship, I would get a bit fussy if I didn't get a good morning text, but now I see how silly I was, and that I could have lost him because of my petty insecurity. You're still dating, so ease into things. Don't allow yourself to become too attached.

odilians10 · Mar 29, 2012, 12:00 PM

Thx guys for your comments... @ duolaLC, they think he's too flashy with cars and still putting his pic up on Fb at his age and because he has never been married before. Yes I have decided to lay off sex.. I don't have any emotional attachment yet, and I really don't want to get played..
@ Dani I'm very indecisive because I feel like he's more experience than I'm, so that makes me insecure.

DoulaLC · Mar 29, 2012, 12:07 PM

Odds are, since he hasn't been married and doesn't have any children, he can afford the flashy cars and clothes... :) Some people are into flashy things, and like the impression that they can give. It likely is just his personality. You mentioned he also uses his Facebook to advertise his business, so that is likely another reason for the need to impress.

Give it time to see where the relationship goes. Enjoy the things you can do together and just take it slowly, without any expectations. This way you can guard your heart as you get to see what he is like over a longer period.

fayevalentine · Apr 10, 2012, 10:25 PM

I feel that if you've been seeing each other for a month and have been on a plenty of dates, why not ask where the relationship is going? I feel like you shouldn't waste your time on a guy that may be great and genuine but not ready to settle down or have a girlfriend.