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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #21

    Sep 30, 2019, 01:27 PM
    The thoughts will fade all by themselves as you get back to the reality of your current life. You can come to your own closure by accepting these old thoughts were dredged back up again because you found those old numbers and got side tracked by them. That's normal, you just need to get back on track again.

    Good luck.
    ravengurl92's Avatar
    ravengurl92 Posts: 300, Reputation: 6
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    #22

    Oct 4, 2019, 08:24 AM
    I keep on hoping the thoughts will fade but they haven't yet. I still don't think this a crush because the thoughts are not making me happy and I don't want to have them, especially because I haven't seen this guy in 7-8 years. I just want to move on. I have also noticed that I only ever have these thoughts in the months of October and November. Maybe because Homecoming was in October
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #23

    Oct 4, 2019, 09:00 AM
    Yeah, certain songs and TV shows as well as the time of year have triggered thoughts of past loves and romantic events for decades now, but I do know how to focus on now a lot better and the things that keep me busy and happy. Plus the wife of 40 years never lets me dwell on anything to long just because life and the reality of now keep me hopping.

    You must have a lot of time to dwell on those old thoughts and memories. Is this so? You could let family, current friends, and activities you enjoy help get you through this distraction you know. Focusing on others is a great way to get through troubling times and the thoughts they evoke.

    At least that's been my experience.
    ravengurl92's Avatar
    ravengurl92 Posts: 300, Reputation: 6
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    #24

    Oct 7, 2019, 03:08 PM
    I get what you mean. Last fall I didn't really have time or energy for the thoughts because I was going through some family issues. So that's probably why I went so long without them. I'm hoping they fade soon. But I now feel the need to contact this guy but I really don't want to do that after all these years. I just want to move on and I want my life back. I was perfectly happy before the thoughts started and don't want this guy in my life.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #25

    Oct 8, 2019, 06:42 AM
    You shouldn't let those thought run your life, ruin plans, or stop your happiness. I have gotten use to when bad thought creep in the brain to physically get up and get involved in something that requires attention to perform. Stuff I let go because I was to lazy to do, LOL, but if lazy wins I call a friend who cheers me up, or promise the wife I'm working on that lasso to get her the moon. I guess my point is make a plan to change those thoughts when they show up!

    Maybe count yourself lucky that's your biggest or only problem to worry about? Hmm. Let me ask how your love/dating life is? Perhaps the ex is the symptom of a greater problem you're dealing with. Or am I just being NOSY?
    ravengurl92's Avatar
    ravengurl92 Posts: 300, Reputation: 6
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    #26

    Oct 8, 2019, 06:45 AM
    I don't really have a dating life. Most of my classmates in college were female and my current coworkers are too. So I haven't exactly had a chance to date
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #27

    Oct 8, 2019, 08:33 AM
    Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you in the mid 20's? Forgive my laziness for not just checking the archives. It's no wonder that thoughts of the ex haunt you if your experiences in romance and dating are so limited. More the importance of having a health plan to deal with unwanted thoughts. Or better, a close female friend that you can vent the feelings those thought illicit.

    Got close female friends? ONE will do if she has your TRUST. Heck RG everyone needs a close friend not just for tough times, but great times too!
    ravengurl92's Avatar
    ravengurl92 Posts: 300, Reputation: 6
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    #28

    Oct 15, 2019, 03:15 PM
    Haven't updated in a while. I'm definitely doing a lot better with the thoughts. I actually opened up about to my mom and two close female friends and that has helped me significantly. My only real obsessive thought about the guy now is feeling guilty that he may have never gotten to see the homecoming pictures. I need some way to get over that.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #29

    Oct 15, 2019, 03:22 PM
    The perfect subject to share with mom, or your female friends. The trick to controlling your thoughts is developing ways to deal with them as getting over most things for us humans takes so time, and is so emotional.

    Talking things out seems to work for you so do it again.

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