How to break up with your girlfriend of 3 years
Asked Oct 7, 2012, 03:14 PM
I'm really struggling with my decision that I need to break up with my girlfriend. We've been together for over three years and we are currently seniors in college.
Our relationship has had some extreme ups and downs, as most do. I have no doubt that I still love her, but it has become rather clear to me recently that we do need to break up. In all honesty to myself, I am not happy anymore. I've been in a state of denial in regards to our failing relationship for quite some time now. Ive been hanging on to how great we used to be and not facing the reality that our relationship has become unhealthy. We constantly bicker and fight, don't trust each other, and essentially I feel like I cannot genuinely have a good time anymore with her around. I just feel so restricted and trapped because I always have to worry about what I could potentially be doing that will upset her and trigger one of her outbreaks.
She has become worringly emotionally unstable. She is clinically depressed (which troubles me for numerous reasons including what she would do if I dumped her and also the fact that she has been depressed even during our relationship) and she seems to always negatively overreact to the smallest of things, ultimately leading to massive arguments between us and a large amount of unnecessary stress. I have no question that she is deeply in love with me, because she is so invested committing to me and making me happy. But at this point, despite her efforts, I just don't feel the burning passion anymore.
Looming over all of this is the fact that we are both at a type of crossroads in our lives. After this last year of college I will be applying to Law Schools and she will be applying to Medical Schools. We have talked about this and she knows that I am skeptical of our chances of going to the same city. But if we are to stay together we would try to coordinate that as best we can, but realistically I do not like our odds. So I do not want to continue to stick with this seemingly broken and irrepairable relationship when we may just end up in a very bleak situation in another year or two. That would be like prolonging the inevitable. And I would feel like I had wasted some of the best years of my life (which I will still feel to an extent if we break up soon, as I am in college and have sacraficed so much socially etc to please her and stay with her).
I know that I still do love her and really care about her, but I think that it is best for us in the long run to end it. The feelings that I have for her just may not be enough because I feel that we have reached a point where we cannot repair the relationship. I won't be able to fully commit to her without regrets and I don't think that I will be able to invest myself 100 percent in the relationship. Clearly, If I can't do that the we will never be able to truly flourish together. She deserves better and I cannot lie to her or to myself.
I really need some feedback from outside sources about all of this and I also have no idea how to approach the actual break up. She knows that I am not happy like I used to be and she knows that we have problems, but ending it would absolutely kill her because she is so dependent and invested in me. Idont know how to even bring it up or how to say that we need to break up in a way that is respectful to her and that will ease the blow as much as possible.
I really will appreciate any help. Thanks