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    How to approach a girl at the gym?

    Asked May 23, 2009, 10:17 PM 18 Answers


    I'm having some trouble giving my friend advice, he's in his mid 20s. There's a cute girl at the gym, but he doesn't know how to approach her without scaring her away. I actually know of her, she's very book smart, but not street smart. She has high expectations for a potential boyfriend and has never had a boyfriend in her 3 years of university. He's no longer in university, he's working full-time now, so it's difficult to meet her elsewhere.

    Please note that he's very shy and I'm not in the same city as him, so I can't be his wing man and unfortunately, there's no other wing man he can trust, so he's on his own.

    The advice I gave him so far is to continue to go to the gym and make eye contact with her each time so that she recognizes his face. Then, when she's familiar enough with him and he finally gains the courrage, he can go up to her and say: "Hey, I see you here a lot, you must be in good shape" and then go from there.

    Any other tips?

    Last edited by I wish; May 23, 2009 at 10:31 PM.
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    18 Answers
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #2

    May 23, 2009, 10:25 PM

    In order to give appropriate advice we will have to know the age of this friend... ;) j/k

    Other then looks, what is he interested in? Does he know any of the classes she takes at the gym? What is she doing for her workout? Is there a way to work in a workout with her... the funny thing about meeting/talking to a guy at the gym, as a woman (and probably men feel this way too) you just feel scuzzy and dirty at the gym... not ideal time for being hit on or hitting on anyone, in my opinion.
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    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #3

    May 23, 2009, 10:34 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by I wish View Post
    "Hey, I see you here a lot, you must be in good shape"
    On a scale of 1 to 10 - that line is like a 2.

    He might need a new wing man. ;) J/K again.
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #4

    May 23, 2009, 10:38 PM


    Quote Originally Posted by Justwantfair View Post
    On a scale of 1 to 10 - that line is like a 2.

    He might need a new wing man. ;) J/K again.
    Haha... you're right, that might be too cheesy. This is why I need help.
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    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #5

    May 23, 2009, 10:45 PM

    Do you know what her high expectations are for a boyfriend? Would your friend meet those expectations? Does he see her anywhere other then the gym?
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #6

    May 23, 2009, 10:57 PM


    Quote Originally Posted by Justwantfair View Post
    Do you know what her high expectations are for a boyfriend? Would your friend meet those expectations? Does he see her anywhere other then the gym?
    The other two guys that she liked are medical school likely potentials. My friend has a decent high paying job, but not medical school. Unless he goes back to school and joins the same clubs or stalks her, I don't know where else he can see her.

    We're just looking for a way to say hi in the gym and go from there. I already prepared him for rejection, but he still deserves to give it a shot.
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    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #7

    May 23, 2009, 11:03 PM

    That he does.

    It's hard to give nerves to shy guys, until they understand that women are just as shy and nervous about the same things. Maybe the best step is to join in cautiously to her workout, if she is on a bike try a bike a couple down, start a conversation about the weather, school, work, anything really. It's always nice for casual conversation to stay motivated/distracted while working out.
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    WillaWinda's Avatar
    WillaWinda Posts: 11, Reputation: 9
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    #8

    May 23, 2009, 11:17 PM

    Be simple. If he reall likes her, its better to give it a shot than never give it a shot or spend the rest of his life thinking what would have happened if he would have approached her.

    I think your approach line was pretty good.

    If your thinking about the rejection before you even give it a try, is not a good way to go about it. If he does get rejected, he at least went for what he wanted... you don't get what you want unless you go after it, if the person rejects you then you know you looked at the wrong person, that's all.

    Another good line can be: I see you here often, I keep looking at you because I can't get my eyes off you... wait and see what her reaction is... and then say... after gym lets go and get something to drink OK?

    If she is interested you will be able to notice.

    If he feels insecure about doing this, tell him that nobody knows what's going inside him, and it doesn't matter what people think about you... so he doesn't have to be afraid to try it out.

    Just act out the person you want to be if you don't think you have it in you... act secure of yourself, and act like you like yourself... and the other person will like you too...
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #9

    May 24, 2009, 01:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Justwantfair View Post
    Maybe the best step is to join in cautiously to her workout, if she is on a bike try a bike a couple down, start a conversation about the weather, school, work, anything really. It's always nice for casual conversation to stay motivated/distracted while working out.
    Like I said, he's very shy, so he seems to like this idea the most. He had the impression that he had to get really close to her to talk to her, but this is a good compromise.

    LOL I can't help but laugh.

    Thanks for the tips! Let me know if you have anymore suggestions.
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    bella99's Avatar
    bella99 Posts: 150, Reputation: 37
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    #10

    Sep 10, 2009, 02:59 PM

    I know this is a kind of old thread - but how did it work out for your friend? Did he ever go up to the girl?

    There was a cute guy at my gym back in May - I smiled at him every time he was there - then he left for the summer and I haven't seen him since - I should have said hi, but it really is hard to come up with something to say. Sometimes if there is smething interesting on TV in the gym I'll comment on it to whoever is next to me, so there is a possible in.
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #11

    Sep 10, 2009, 03:19 PM

    He hasn't really gone to the gym much anymore and he hasn't seen her since.

    Did you have any suggestions for future reference? I'm sure he will ask me again for another girl and I still have no idea what to tell him. Keep in mind, he's very shy. I guess what he really needs to work on is his confidence and overcome his shyness.
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    el mero mero's Avatar
    el mero mero Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Sep 10, 2009, 03:35 PM

    Dude, this is what you do - you go tell her how she motivates you to work out harder. And cut the bs, just ask her out on a date. Some women like men that are demanding
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    bella99's Avatar
    bella99 Posts: 150, Reputation: 37
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    #13

    Sep 11, 2009, 10:16 AM

    I'd be flattered if any guy came up to me and just started talking. Don't use any crazy lines - Hi how's your work out going today - works just fine. Just get on an eliptical or something near by and make a comment about the surroundings.

    If your guy doesn't have confidence and tries to use a line its going to turn out pretty bad. If a guy is super confident and uses a line and then starts laughing it works because you know they weren't really serious about it - but with out the confidence it won't be received correctly.

    Tell him to use the old "hi how ya doing" line.
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    ThehopelessGuy's Avatar
    ThehopelessGuy Posts: 33, Reputation: 3
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    #14

    Sep 12, 2009, 05:44 PM
    Honestly if it's the kind of thing that it's a " i look at you, you look at me" id say it's a given, the shy guys/gays you have to work on, then find something to help you talk to them and go from there.

    for example : I've done this once and it was awesome,
    ( find something to talk about) here's an example (this actually happened to me)

    go where she works out, get on the machin next to hers, " oh hey ive seen you here alot, who you trying to impress? =D" say it jokingly of course

    she might say something like: "haha, ive got noone to impress im just here to be healthy"

    this was such in my case. So I picked up something small to chat about and right after that I go..

    hey by the way how heavy is a polar bears claw?

    she looks at you and goes ?

    I go... "heavy enough to breack the ice" "im So and so. *give her a hand shake*

    gym is REALLY hard to pick ppl up, just because no one is in the mind set to hit on anyone, and most ppl are in the mind set of "I'm working out leave me alone"

    the shy ones are a lot of fun I'm my opinion because its a lot of work =) and I like it. I know... I'm weird.
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    Samantha D's Avatar
    Samantha D Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Oct 8, 2009, 12:37 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by el mero mero View Post
    dude, this is what you do - you go tell her how she motivates you to work out harder. and cut the bs, just ask her out on a date. some women like men that are demanding
    As a girl, I like el mero mero's approach! Please don't use the "You are in good shape" line... I can see her thinking ("Duh I am, I work out every day sucker.")

    Is the reason why he likes her only because of her shape? Even if it is, she doesn't need to know that. (Saying "You are hot" may give a more desired effect.)
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #16

    Oct 8, 2009, 06:27 AM
    My friend is too shy for the direct approach because of fear of rejection, that's why he needs a more subtle approach. Maybe the problem is that he needs to overcome his confidence issues. I still think the "Hi, how are you?" and go-from-there approach works the best, instead of trying to use an icebreaker.
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    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,652, Reputation: 1318
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    #17

    Oct 8, 2009, 08:04 AM

    That is an icebreaker IWish. ANYTIME you go up to someone you have never met, simply saying something is considered breaking the ice. Perhaps there are different levels to do it, thus enabling a more comfortable interaction, but it is one in the same.

    If he is afraid of rejection then it is something he needs to work on from here on out. Like a goal of just asking girls for their numbre at random. Talk to them for 30 seconds then ask for their number. Rejection is something it take practice to understand and deal with (and I have had a lot of practice at it ;) ).
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #18

    Oct 8, 2009, 08:32 AM
    That's the problem with guys who fear rejection. My friend feels that he needs to come up with the "perfect line" so that it maximizes his chances of getting a better response out of the girl.
    However, unless the guy says something completely ridiculous, I don't think it matters what he says, the girl will talk if she wants to talk. If she doesn't want to talk, then it won't matter what the icebreaker line is.

    I agree with you Kc, handling rejection does take practice and the guys who are too shy to make the first move will not have any practice. I would change the 30 seconds to a few minutes, so that the girl feels a little bit more comfortable before asking for the number.
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    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,652, Reputation: 1318
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    #19

    Oct 8, 2009, 08:36 AM

    This isn't about a comfort level. I am strictly speaking about a bar or some sort of setting like that. Keeping it to 30 seconds leaves a bit of mystery all the while letting the girl know you have the courage to say enough without saying too much... there is a huge difference between letting a girl know you are interested in her and flat out letting a girl know you want to date her.

    The 30 second deal is all about volume and getting used to cutting it short and having the confidence to walk away with or without their number and not caring either way. It's almost a challenge... in 30 seconds or less you have to sell yourself enough for the female to give your number. This ensures that:

    A) You let your attraction do the initial talking

    B) You learn to create a general sense of being an interesting person, leaving the female intrigued for more
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