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    Fluffy Clouds's Avatar
    Fluffy Clouds Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 12, 2006, 11:55 AM
    He's Married Help!!
    I'm 21 yrs old I have been friends with this man for a long time. A couple of months ago a big group of us went out. We all ended up at one of our friends house afterwards. We had a great night but I have always like this man and he is married with three children. I never thought anything would ever happen because of this. Something did happen and now we are seeing each other which to be honest I did not think this would happened after the first time. We both felt so bad but then every time we saw each other we just could not help ourselves. It has been going on for some time now and my feelings are getting more and more deep for him! He has told me he loves his wife but he is just not in love with her or attracted to her anymore! I know I should end it and just stay the hell away but I think its to late for that! I feel so stupid like I'm being sucked into a trap my best friend who I love dearly was seeing a married man for over 5 yrs and I used to tell her its trouble you should stay away and now I'm doing it! I feel sorry for his wife I have never met her but she seems nice I have spoken to her on the phone what the hell do I do? :confused:
    kay13's Avatar
    kay13 Posts: 103, Reputation: 22
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    #2

    Nov 12, 2006, 11:59 AM
    You already know the answer. Think of the innocent people in this. If he can do this to his wife, he can do it to you.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #3

    Nov 12, 2006, 12:08 PM
    There is a pandemic of this it appears - single women falling for married men and then wondering what to do.

    You know in your heart what to do but you lack the courage to do it. Drop him, like the hot potato he is - jumping from your bed to the bed he and his wife share. He says he loves you - what he loves is the convenience of you, the sex with you, the you going along for the ride. Would he love you if you stopped seeing him? And I mean by that, not to see him, not to talk to him, not to answer the phone or the door...

    You have talked to his wife on the phone and she seems nice. Geesz. She might be nice too but not so nice as to allow her husband to have his cake and eat it too in two places.

    You know, you do know what you should do and that is to end it now. Or do you like being the mistress, the adulteress, the other woman. What does that role give you? Nothing long lasting I can imagine. Just sorrow. Be good to yourself here and tell this guy to go back to his wife and work on his marriage. If he spent as much time fixing his marriage as he does finding ways to screw around outside his marriage...

    By staying in this relationship, you close the door to someone who can love you for all that you are and love you for the world to see.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #4

    Nov 12, 2006, 12:28 PM
    Fluffy, you have gotten some good words here. Beware that many will not be nearly as kind.

    I call them as I see them, and while I am trying to be nice, sometimes the truth hurts.

    I bet that woman you talked to on the phone would not be so nice if she knew what you and her husband were doing behind closed doors. Can you even imagine the pain that she would feel if she found out that her husband was having an affair?

    Do you realise what you are doing to these children? Do you realise that you will be causing sensless pain to 3 young children and a loving wife?

    I speak from experience because I was once that nice wife on the phone. I had 2 young children. Their lives have been destroyed because of a woman like you. My children were 3 and 4 at the time and now are 20 and 19. They have not recovered completely. They don't know the meaning of trust in a relationship.

    You need to take a step back, several steps back, and remove yourself from this relationship before you destroy the lives of 3 more children.

    I know, "it takes 2 to tango," yes it does, but you could have been mature enough to say "I'll sit out this dance, thank you anyway."

    Like I said, I was that nice woman on the phone and I have nothing nice to say to anyone who gets into a relationship knowing they are going to wreck the lives of children. Innocent, trusting, loving children.

    **EDIT** In your answer to Jokertown, you stated that you were a lesbian. So, which is it? Are you dating a married man, a lesbian, or none of the above?
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #5

    Nov 12, 2006, 04:31 PM
    You know what you're doing is wrong. End it now. Don't say "you can't help it" ; that's just an excuse. Stop seeing him once and for all. If he wants to cheat, he will, but don't let it be with you.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Nov 12, 2006, 05:37 PM
    Ok, I recommend you don't read this post if you don't want to be mad at me, I am blunt, cruel and to the point.


    Of course you thought it could happen, and you allowed yourself to get into a position for it to happen. And I am sorry tell your bull to someone that wants to feel sorry for you, you could not help yourself, you could not stop yourself, are you druged or tied up and raped, no you do it and plan it and plan to do it again. And of course he is getting some sex on the side which sadly many men will do, and you like it, but remember he is telling his wife nothing is happening and lying to her, how easy can he also lie to you. Yes they always say, my wife does not understand me, only you know how I really feel. Its too late for that, are you pregnant, or is he holding a gun to make you see him, of course it is not too late, you take him name off speed dial, you block his email and you refuse to see him again, it is not too late, you just have made a chooice to lower yourself to be a non paid hooker, someone to provide sex on call.

    And no you are not sorry for it, since you are doing it, you are fully aware of every time you are are with him, he will shower and go home and live his real life as a husband and father. And Laugh about this bimbo he is using for his personal fun, he believes he has it all.

    And never meet his wife, I guess you are not going to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner, or spend Christmas with him.
    You are second fiddle and will always be. He will always have a reason not to put you first.

    So you need to find some self respect and some since of value for yourself and move on to a real relationship.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Nov 12, 2006, 10:55 PM
    I find cheaters have a few things in common, they are selfish short sighted and don't care about anyone or anything and they make the dumbest excuses to justify what they do. Goes for men or women. Like animals in heat, with brains to match. Sorry that's the facts. For the record it doesn't matter if your bi or straight, you still reek havoc on other peoples lives. You can change and be a real human being if you will loose the excuses.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #8

    Nov 13, 2006, 09:37 AM
    Ughhhhhhhhhhh - he's MARRIED -think of his wiofe and kids!!

    Hello??

    You like him because he's unavaialble - a challenge.

    You are now officiall his mistress.

    He will NEVER leave his wife - most don't - wh yshould he - you give him what he wants.

    Many married guys will lie cheat and steal to sleep with LOW SELF ESTEEM women.

    I advice stop this NOW. Go see a therapist and work out your issues.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #9

    Nov 13, 2006, 09:38 AM
    I think a lot of the people come here to try and justify what they are doing is Ok.
    MJ6216's Avatar
    MJ6216 Posts: 115, Reputation: 7
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    #10

    Nov 13, 2006, 12:35 PM
    Well let me tell you that I was in the same boat except he didn't have any kids. And he told me the same things about his wife... but what he says to you and then what he does when he goes home are two totally different things. He may be telling you that he isn't in love with her or happy but when he goes home is his story the same. You should do the same thing that I did with my married guy and get rid of him and stay away.
    Campinis's Avatar
    Campinis Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Nov 13, 2006, 01:23 PM
    Sorry dear: having an affair with a married man is a life without hope. He will not leave his wife. What makes you think that you are the only woman he may sleeping with besides his wife? Men get off on this and some women as well. It is a hopeless place to be and even if he leaves his wife, hopefully she will find out and leave the dog, he will never be fateful to anyone. Can you live with the guilt of breaking up a marriage? You can't happiness on breaking someone's hart. What comes around goes around
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #12

    Nov 13, 2006, 01:39 PM
    Hey - he cheated on his wife - HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU!!

    Hello!!

    What don't you get??
    Fluffy Clouds's Avatar
    Fluffy Clouds Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Nov 13, 2006, 02:40 PM
    I have not wrote on this to try and feel better I was trying to get some advice and some of it has been good advice but the rest of it I just see it as an excuse to slat people I'm situation! I though these sites were for help and advice not be slated and laughed at I know he has kids and a wife and you know what I can't bdeal with that any more that's why I came on here I have spoken to a few people with regards to my situation and yeah I'm going to give him a wide birth so he can make his mind up if its not me then fine I have to move on with this if it is I'm sure in someway we can try and sort things out wheather you lot think that's wrong that's what I'm going to do! A big thanks to the people have given me real advice instead of just blabbering on how wrong it is these sites are for advice and for that!!
    MJ6216's Avatar
    MJ6216 Posts: 115, Reputation: 7
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    #14

    Nov 13, 2006, 02:44 PM
    No one Is Trying To Make You Feel Bad... like I Said I Have Been In Your Situation Before And I Know Exactly How You Feel!! And As For The Rest Of These People I Mean Their Advice Might Seem Mean But That's What These Websites Are For To Get The Truth That Other People Might Not Tell You...
    Geoffersonairplane's Avatar
    Geoffersonairplane Posts: 1,195, Reputation: 286
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    #15

    Nov 13, 2006, 02:47 PM
    Hi there,

    I must say that no one on here is getting at you or slating you in any way. You come on here for advice and they give you advice based on what they think is best for YOU and YOU alone!

    Anyone who is married and doing this is not worth your time or effort. If he were that serious about his feelings he would have been honest with his wife before starting something like this with you.

    I hate to say this, but he is using you! And playing every trick in the book to make you think that this is leading to something that you want..

    You sound like a nice, thoughtful person and deserve better, I'm sure... So move on and forget about this cheater..
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #16

    Nov 13, 2006, 03:10 PM
    Too funny - another women trying to justify a cheating man!

    There's nothing to sort out!

    You need to get out of a bad situation - yesterday!

    Reality hurts - you've been stung. Wake up out of your dream world.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #17

    Nov 13, 2006, 04:44 PM
    Hey, everyone lets have a care. These females especially the one in this post have been lied to and they swallow the cheaters lies hook, line, and sinker. That's because they are in LOVE. At least that's what they think. To clear it up, this love they are in is part of the fantasy they make up to justify what they are doing and why they are doing it. And as you've seen here they get very defensive if you can not understand that they are in this so called love. Every lie they are told they believe because the want to and has nothing to do with the truth. Think I'm wrong? Just ask this poster why she thinks that since this married man cheats on his wife, why won't he cheat on her too? The answer is always the same. "He said he loves me and I love HIM." Does this sound healthy to anyone reading this? Of course not, but the sad truth is they cannot see what we see because they are only interested in what the want and want to hear. So let's not be so hard on these unhealthy people, they are just SICK. Sorry for the rant but that's the way I feel hope it helps , if not seek a professional. If you cannot care about the feelings you hurt, then why would you think you can get sympathy?
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #18

    Nov 13, 2006, 05:06 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffy Clouds
    I have not wrote on this to try and feel better i was trying to get some advice and some of it has been good advice but the rest of it i just see it as an excuse to slat people im situation! i though these sites were for help and advice not be slated and laughed at i know he has kids and a wife and you know what i can't bdeal with that any more thats why i came on here i have spoken to a few people with regards to my situation and yeah im going to give him a wide birth so he can make his mind up if its not me then fine i have to move on with this if it is im sure in someway we can try and sort things out wheather you lot think thats wrong thats what im going to do! A big thanks to the people have given me real advice instead of just blabbering on how wrong it is these sites are for advice and for that!!!!!
    The advice you got has been accurate and consistent. If you don't like it that's probably the first clue you have that it is the right advice. As Wildcat said, your stuck in a fantasy and you need to be brought back to reality. Are we supposed to lie to you like he does? You came to wrong place for that.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #19

    Nov 13, 2006, 07:17 PM
    Sometimes Fluffy the situation makes it so that I don't want to give you advice to do something that is inherently wrong to do... cheating and helping someone to cheat is wrong to do. I did it once (helped someone cheat) and that was enough for me -- myself esteem couldn't take it.

    You say you feel bad about what you two do and you claim to feel sorry for the wife-- why not act on that and leave them both alone? True love does not require that we sell our moral soul for it.

    Do you know the difference between real gold and fool's gold?

    There are plenty of single men out there. You asked "what the hell do I do?"... so I suggest you focus on them instead.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #20

    Nov 13, 2006, 07:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    Hey, everyone lets have a care. These females especially the one in this post have been lied to and they swallow the cheaters lies hook, line, and sinker. That's because they are in LOVE. At least thats what they think. To clear it up, this love they are in is part of the fantasy they make up to justify what they are doing and why they are doing it. And as you've seen here they get very defensive if you can not understand that they are in this so called love. Every lie they are told they believe because the want to and has nothing to do with the truth. Think I'm wrong? just ask this poster why she thinks that since this married man cheats on his wife, why won't he cheat on her too? The answer is always the same. "He said he loves me and I love HIM." Does this sound healthy to anyone reading this? Of course not, but the sad truth is they cannot see what we see because they are only interested in what the want and want to hear. So let's not be so hard on these unhealthy people, they are just SICK. Sorry for the rant but that's the way I feel hope it helps , if not seek a professional. If you cannot care about the feelings you hurt, then why would you think you can get sympathy?
    I knew I had to spread it but this couldn't be said any better.

    Post this every time we get someone like this here again will you Tal?

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