Hello, I want to start by briefly introducing myself. I am a first year at college and have never had a boyfriend. During high school, I've only had two guys that showed a little bit of interest in me, but it never went any further. I've only had my first kiss this past summer, and did even a little bit more but not as far as sex. The thing with this fling is, I felt extremely vulnerable, slightly taken advantage of sexually, but blame myself for my inability to say no and desire to please everyone.

To the topic. College so far is on its way of completely changing my life, and especially how I view myself: more confident and attractive. I have had several guys so far come up to me, notably two that have spent some time with me. But I will only focus on one.

I met a guy in class. We both share very common interests and as I see it, are mutally attracted to each other. A few days after, he invited me to go with him to a concert. As I've come to learn, he is an extreme social drinker. He offered me a drink and we smoked pot at the concert. Thankfully, I still contained a decent sense of mind and control that when we began dancing and touching, even though it was extremely intimate, I only allowed it to go so far. When we started kissing, he had to stop though because he said he just got over from being sick. It was only until 3/4 into the concert that we learned about eachothers ages: He is 21 and I am 18. After the concert, he had plans to go out with the guys to drink but because I'm 18 I could not go.

Recently he's called two times asking if I'd like to go out with him... however because I am underage and do not have an ID, he supposed he couldn't take me out.

Another concert date was last night. We danced the entire time together,again very intimatley, after he bought me a huge beer. I had a little to drink before the concert as well. He introduced me to his brother, who defined me as 'the pretty girl his brother has talked about who sat next to him" which tells me that he's told him about me. After the concert, again he mentioned we should go to a bar, but again I couldn't. Instead we danced and sang in the streets on the way to his car. We messed around until finally he asked if I'd like to go home with him to his bed. And I refused, not only because I plan to stay a virgin for a much while longer, but also because I didn't feel I knew him well enough to do that and because of my past experience of being taken advantage. To tell you the truth, I felt extremely proud of myself that for the first time in my life, I had the ability to say no.

Now the question is: is he taking advantage of me? I know how it goes with older guys taking advantage of freshmen girls. Also, apparently he enjoys me best and only after I had a few drinks. However, that stands conflictual with the fact that he only learned about my age after asking me to the concert and that he cared enough to stop kissing me due to his health. I figured if he truly was trying to take advatage of a someone younger, once he found out my age, that's when he'd become sexually aggressive and/or when he kissed me, he wouldn't have stopped whether he was sick or not. Also, I feel that perhaps if he truly was highly concerned with sex, he would have been in a foul mood last night after I refused.. instead the ride back to my place was just quiet: quiet as in awkward quiet and not pissy quiet... at least in my perception. Who knows, I guess, if he was pissed.

Today, I'm feeling a bit guilty and bad that I refused, only because there's a part of me that thinks he really does like me and I dissed him. I also don't want to give off an impression that I am not attracted to him, because, clearly I am. However, there's an even bigger feeling that he's a bit shady.

Your opinions?

Thanks.

First of all you did the right thing. You just met this guy you don't know him. There is also no context of a relationship you guys only went out on a few dates. There doesn't seem to be a commitment stated so far.

When I was a freshman I was warned by a "older" (she was a sophomore) female friend to deflect any advances from a senior. She said that they come on strong and will do whatever it takes to be the first one to get with that particular freshman girl. As a result of that I never even considered a senior guy for anything other then friendship.

Now things could be different with this guy but the only way to know for sure is to spend more time with him without being intimate with him. If he is actually interested in YOU and not what's in your pants then he will stick around if he is only interested in sex he will bounce after a few more dates of not getting any.

As a guy, it's hard to tell if he is a sincere person or not. However, I would say that him asking so quickly for sex is an indicator of his possible frequency of approach. I would suggest, as Glinda has, to wait a while and see how he reacts. If he is only in it for sex, well, there are plenty of other guys at college, and you have 4 years to meet them. Don't rush into things just because you are attracted to the one guy who has shown the most interest in you thus far. I believe you've acted correctly, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders... just keep on listening to your brain.

Well am so proud of you... you did the right thing and no need to feel guilty... you are right he is taking advantage of you... not only that but I think he is not the right guy for you as he is after sex & drinking he does not value you as a person... You are right for not giving yourself till you find Mr. right...

Take care of yourself...

Ms.Redrose