I've been dating a boy for nearly a year now, and I'm very much in love with him. Now we're both very young, and I may just be overreacting to everything. An outside opinion may help me to be able to talk to him about it myself.
I've noticed a change in him recently. The past two months or so, he's begun talking to several of his ex-girlfriends. Now normally, I wouldn't find this very alarming, seeing as he's been trying to rebuild old friendships. But what I find odd, is that whenever I ask him about it, he denies it, even if I see him texting her right in front of me. Another thing is, whenever he runs into an ex of his he'd rather not see, he makes it a point to get her attention, even when he's told me before that he wants no contact with her at all.
This last event, the one that's making me start to question him, happened by accident. He showed me something his phone could do: If you hold the 'space' key while viewing a message, a voice will read it to you. The two of us found this funny, as the voice would pronounce several words wrong. He left the room for a few minutes, and I started flipping through his messages, looking for more for the voice to read. I saw some messages between him and a girl that we both know and are friends with, and at first I paid no attention. But then I noticed one message that made me stop. He'd sent it to her and it read as this: "Loves ya lol :)"
I started to read through the other messages they'd sent back and forth, and I was shocked to find very flirty messages, mostly ones he'd sent.
The context of these messages weren't exactly questionable either, not borderline between friends texting and a little flirty.
A few messages he'd sent included: "Aww, you're so sweet", "You always make me smile", "You're a lot prettier than the girls I know", and one which particularly stood out, a locked message from her that read: "Well we're the only ones that matter" and his reply, "You've got that right :)"
I confronted him about the messages, and his solution was to stop talking to anyone else altogether, but I told him that I trust him enough to know that he'll be faithful, and I apologized for getting upset over silly messages. We left it at that for a few weeks, but recently I realized that he never once said those messages were completely innocent.
I'm not exactly the image of beauty here, neither am I radiating confidence. And I will admit, I have looked at a few guys I know in that way, but I wouldn't dream of leaving my sweetheart, not for anyone. He's been there for me for a lot since even before we started dating, and I'd hate for us to have a falling out because I didn't take a step back and consider the facts. I'd very much appreciate a little advice on this matter.

You sound more like you need a dose of confidence, and reassurance, that he didn't give you. For now don't dwell too much on that, or let it upset you, as it could be completely innocent. Is he keeping his word though, and not contacting them any more?

Being a little "flirty" doesn't mean that he'll cheat on you, but since you've made him aware of how you feel, he should stop out of respect for you.

Just keep your eyes/ears open for a while. I imagine that since you heard the messages that he's be careful to erase them.

As long as he doesn't contact them anymore you should let things ride, but if you see any signs again, you two need a serious talk.

I'm not understanding why he's contacting his ex's any way. That makes no sense to me.
When my instinct tell me something I tend to listen. Don't jump to conclusion but keep your eyes and ears open.
He's not the only man in the world. Don't allow someone to make a fool of you because you think you can't do better.

I agree with the others. There really isn't a lot here to draw the conclusion that he is really interested in someone else. Has he always had a few girls that he is friends with while you have been dating?

One thing that jumped out at me immediately is that he walked out of the room leaving you to play around with his phone. Generally speaking, most people who have something to hide would not have done that.

A lot of what you fear is your own lack of self esteem. We live in an age of internet, cell phones, texting, etc. Many ways for people to communicate. Problem is, much of this can be misconstrued as flirting. But it is always a red flag when someone's behavior suddenly changes. Don't assume the worst, but make sure he understands why staying "friends" with an ex is not acceptable to you. Ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same thing.

Flirting never hurt anyone, sometimes people flirt to make themselves feel good.

What bothers me is that when you read his text messages and confronted him about it, he turned it around on you to make you feel like you're the one that did something wrong. And you said sorry. But not once did he confess up to his text messages. And by doing that he can think he can get away with anything.

I would sit him down and tell him that you don't mind him talking to other people, but when you talk to other girls the way you would talk to me.. it hurts and if you can't respect my feelings, where is this relationship going.

There is a saying; "curiosity" can kill the cat... Just because he left the room to let you look at his messages doesn't mean he didn't "delete" them first! If your suspicious & have an instinct that he is not being faithful maybe that's something to need to tune in too. Bottom line, sounds like he has or on the verge of questionable behavior. Unless your into drama and playing games, why would you want to boost his ego by reacting to this. Its smart to have a conversation but not to the point you actually check his phone. That's obvious distrust and puts you in a vulnerable position.

Confidence is a great asset... being secure and liking yourself are valuable traits so work on those. Many times a relationship with the wrong person can drain those qualities and make you feel insecure... mainly, so they can manipulate and control you (goes for Men & Women). This sounds like fire... he sounds immature, likes to play still and does not maintain a whole lot of value or respect for you. Sorry and although I know flirting can be innocent, this sounds chronic. Especially if he is aware it bothers you... its just a game with his ego. "Move on"... if its true love & meant to be, it will.

Wow, thanks for all the advice. It really helps.
I should probably say a couple of things first though.
To Just_Another_Lemming:
When him and I started dating, he wasn't on speaking terms with any of his ex-girlfriends. He just started to talk to them again about 3 months ago. I've been friends with my last ex since we broke up, but my boyfriend knows that I have no romantic feelings for him at all.
And the reasons he probably left his phone behind is because my house is like a second home to him, so he's comfortable with leaving his stuff scattered around (believe me, I know this one for a fact). And, I don't usually go through his phone, at least not the messages. I look through his pictures for any that he has of himself or his cats so that I can send them to myself. Early in our relationship, I noticed that he still had many pictures of his exes and other girls, but I was there when he erased them.
And to beachloverjohn: The reason those messages were kind of a red flag for me is because that was the same way he talked to me before we started dating. That's what I confronted him about a few weeks ago. We talked for a long time about it, and he told me that he would stop talking to everyone if they were just going to make me upset.
I told him that he shouldn't have to give up his friendships just because I got a little jealous, and I apologized to him. The thing is, I wasn't jealous, I was worried about losing him.

There is one thing that bothers me. He left the room for a few minutes and you decided to look through his messages. I don't think that was right, anymore than you reading his mail. Sounds like you both have some growing up to do.

I don't think his behaviour is innocent. If it were, he wouldn't lie when faced with obvious truths, such as him texting one of them, right in front of you, and he denies it. If it's no big deal, why doesn't he just tell the truth.

He could be doing this because he is afraid of losing you. I know that sounds a bit off, but when you think about it, he may just not want you to think that he is interested in anybody, but you. So, if he makes light of his contacting others, even though you could care less, he's protecting himself, by not giving you anything to suspect.

You don't sound like an immature person with self esteem issues to me. His behaviour is curious to say the least. Why does he feel the need to lie about his female contacts, and not take you seriously when you say it isn't the contacting them that worries you, it is the deceipt that follows when he cannot own up to a simple truth.

So, if he lies when he doesn't have to, denies the truth when its right under his nose, and isn't honest about what he's up to, I would say, he's hiding something, either that, or he is very immature.

I don't know what else you can do. You tell him, and I believe you, that you could care less who he is contacting, but the point is, why does he lie right to your face, and deny deny deny.

It is odd that he chooses to lie, when clearly he doesn't have to.

What you don't know won't hurt you.
&& if he is doing something behind your back, it will catch up to him. You don't want to come off as being needy, and nosy etc.

I've been there && I had to learn my lesson the hard ways.