About three yrs ago I met a guy on a gay website... he had sent he a note and we met... although I thought I was totally out of his league... and thought that I would never see him again for some reason he continued to visit me often... it was always oral sex me giving him receiving... and there was some pot smoking along with chats of his family and career... I found this man to be my total fantasy... good looking... groovy... and self confident... he had explained to me that he and his wife had an agreement when they first met that they were both bi and still wanted a family had both a boy and girl in they're adolescent ages... in the last three yrs I have gone from the best days of my life to the worst... there are times when I have felt like a total piss on... although I knew that I would loose in the end... I find myself in the fetile position most of my nights... I am not totally blind to what's happening I know that this man had used me for as long as he could and now is done with me... I feel like scratching his eyes out but am not that kind of person... would never want any bad done to him... I also realize that I may have scared him away when I told him that I had feelings for him... he immediately drew away and must have thought that I wanted to have more that I did... I just enjoyed him those times when we spent together and was actually enough for me... now I have no part of him... but he keeps me mentally and emotionally hanging on by sending me mixed messages... I am trying to heal from this blow... I feel like I've lost a big part of my life... in hindsight I guess I was falling a bit more for him than I thought I did so its probably more of a blessing than a punishment but I still feel just the ladder... I guess I'm writing this down so that I could get it off my chest and read other stories t know that I'm ot the only one that has and is going through this... thanks for reading on... love and peace to all of you