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    GABALO's Avatar
    GABALO Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 4, 2011, 11:59 AM
    I feel bad after turning down a guy- but I felt he was a bit obsessive: advice
    I went out with a group of friends and one of my friends brought along his guy friend. We talked and danced a little bit but that's as far as it went. He seemed nice and intelligent and he's friends with a friend of mine, so I thought it was fine to give him my number. But, then I noticed he became very pushy. I told him I was leaving the club and he asked me several times to come stay at his place. I told him no the first time and pretended I didn't hear him afterwards. Then when I got home later that night, he sent me a text asking if I arrived home all right. I thought that was sweet. Then the next day he sent my a text asking when we'd have coffee. A few hours later, he called me (I hadn't texted him back yet), but I ignored the call. Later that day I texted him saying that I was free the following weekend. He then called me not long after and wanted to have coffee with me earlier in the week. But, he said he could only meet me after 6 pm because he works during the day. I didn't really want to see him so soon, because I just met him and I only wanted to have coffee with him in the daytime. I agreed anyway, I felt pressured on the phone to agree. The next day, I didn't feel right about it, so I told him I was busy this week with study and would let him know when I'd be free. He then called me later that night at 11pm twice. I didn't answer the phone. Then the next day, he called me again, and texted me asking if I had a lot of study that day. I didn't respond to either. Then on that very same day he sent me another text saying he wants to have dinner with me at 8pm. I finally sent him a text and told him I couldn't make dinner tonight but thanks for the offer and that I have a lot going on at the moment, take care. Was this too harsh or did I do the right thing? I thought when I told him I'd contact him when I was free, that he'd get the hint or stop being so pushy. He kind of freaked me out with all his phone calls and even when he asked me out, it sounded weird like: when are we having coffee and I'd be glad to have dinner with you tonight at 8. I don't know maybe I'm overreacting?
    sewslikethewind's Avatar
    sewslikethewind Posts: 30, Reputation: 9
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    #2

    Oct 4, 2011, 07:20 PM
    I don't think you over reacted or were rude at all. On the other hand, he might have been really liked you and been excited at the prospect of seeing you again. Did he text you again after your final message? If not, then maybe he just went away, beaten, and you might want to wait a reasonable amount of time and if you want to ever see him invite him out for a coffee.
    GABALO's Avatar
    GABALO Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 5, 2011, 09:34 AM
    No he didn't text me back yet. I think he's got the idea now. Yeah I don't know about coffee maybe after a bit of time passes by. I checked my missed calls and I actually had 6 missed calls from him within 3 days. We'll see what happens. Thanks
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,213, Reputation: 10853
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    #4

    Oct 6, 2011, 08:17 PM
    He tried and you weren't ready. I don't think he takes hints, but he is eager, you better be more direct, firm but honest. Don't hang him out to dry, just say no. He ain't ready for you. He sounds pushy, and a bit overdoing it. Set him straight so he can learn what's acceptable, and what's not.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #5

    Oct 6, 2011, 08:25 PM
    Just to point something out... not that it should make a difference in what you did as I think you made the right choice but...

    The way he said "when are we having coffee and I'd be glad to have dinner with you tonight at 8" might have been his way of avoiding rejection. It may sound weird but it was a tactic I have used. Ok, so I wasn't all pushy like that but... Rather than saying "Would you like to have coffee?" in which case you set yourself up for rejection with a possible "no" answer, you kind of put the question as a statement like he did. It just makes it harder for the person to reject you... lol. Doesn't make him completely weird, he may just be trying to be assertive or cover himself from possible failure.

    He did seem a little too pushy and needy though so you never know.
    GABALO's Avatar
    GABALO Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Oct 8, 2011, 11:41 AM
    FYI guys, he called a few days later after I sent him that last SMS. I didn't answer his call. Think I definitely made the right decision- he's way intense.

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