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    Vater's Avatar
    Vater Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 5, 2018, 10:54 AM
    Does she really likes me? What should I do?
    So here is the thing . I met het 2 months back. We start meeting going out . Even I went to her house many times. She came to mined. We cooked food together . Before you say your answer I think it is important to tell she that type of person who don't speak much. Doesnot open up easily and when there is a group she prefer sitting quit .
    So we started chatting. She never ask me any question . If I ask anything she. Happily answer that . She always want me to write first . She want me to notice her small details . But she never put an effort . We have 3-4 times make out and she was the one to take first step . Main thing is I am putting my full efforts but she never put her efforts. I don't know what should I do. Is she playing with my feeling or what.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,126, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Jun 5, 2018, 11:49 AM
    Ever heard of go with the flow? It would benefit you greatly to STOP denigrating what she does as not enough effort, and be grateful for the efforts she does put forth. Be cool, go with the flow, and enjoy the learning more about each other. Sure you can discuss why she never calls you first, maybe there is a good reason, it's a topic to talk about. See what happens. Is that not what dating is about, learning to talk and interact? Maybe you just expect too much too soon, which may be selfish and impatient. A possibility at this stage. Keep an open mind.

    How old are you both? Why do you expect so much after ONLY two months and is it realistic or are your expectations so high that it's frustrating you she is not as aggressive seeking your attentions or showing her interest as you would like? The proper thing would be to ask about these things and act accordingly. Then see how it works.

    It is often the case that the pace of things and the different ways of new couples not be that perfect, but the challenge is making it work better. Enjoy the challenge.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #3

    Jun 6, 2018, 03:54 AM
    Maybe you are pressing things too quickly. Maybe she senses that and it's making her uncomfortable. I prefer the slow and get to know each other pace. And remember, everyone has their own pace. Speed kills even in a budding relationship. Be patient and never force her to be something she is not.
    Vater's Avatar
    Vater Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jun 6, 2018, 01:42 PM
    Like when I text her , she now answers one word. But esrliermshenused to use emoji amd all. Should I reduce texting ?

    Like when I text her , she now answers one word. But esrliermshenused to use emoji amd all. Should I reduce texting ?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,126, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Jun 6, 2018, 02:32 PM
    Text less call more... see what happens. You never said your ages. Why not?
    Vater's Avatar
    Vater Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jun 6, 2018, 09:42 PM
    She is 22. I am 24
    Vater's Avatar
    Vater Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Jun 6, 2018, 09:50 PM
    I try to call her she never answers. Her friend is always there and she is new in my country therefore she don't do courage to spesk my countrys language. She can write good though. She can speak too but she don't do courage. .
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #8

    Jun 7, 2018, 06:54 AM
    Why do you want to make her be something she is not? Accept her as she is or this will go nowhere. Have you considered she is just not into you?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,126, Reputation: 10852
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    #9

    Jun 7, 2018, 07:03 AM
    Not sure I know what the not having courage means, but being new to the country, a long way from home, and being young, would certainly be a reason to be very cautious, and I would imagine she has a lot more than just a NEW boyfriend to occupy her thoughts, or be as gung ho (aggressive) as you are about this relationship. It seems likely she is still adjusting to her new environment, and culture, and there is still much for her to learn and experience before she reaches that level of comfort to have confidence in not making mistakes. She has to be trying to fit in it appears from what you have written, especially given your reference to her public behavior at social gatherings. There is much for you to learn about her still for sure, and it's easier when you temper your own expectations and actions accordingly.

    Maybe you just call too much, or texts to often, or she likes neither, or is busy with her friend. Whatever her reasons for the way she acts, the signals I see from what you have written my young friend is slow down and be more thoughtful, and use that mature understanding to keep your mind open and not so much focused on YOU and your own needs, or insecurities so you can enjoy the learning about this person, and not get so carried away with the relationship, you lose the joy of it.

    There is also the possibility that you put too much into this too early, and fail to recognize that romance only gets you so far, and she is for whatever reason not in the same place as you are about this relationship. She may never be so stop getting your hopes up so high, you cannot make adjustments. Right now it's obvious that you have different expectations than she does and are way ahead of her as far as PRIORITY. Yeah I would hope you can slowdown and balance things much better, even if you think its fizzling out.

    Not all dating relationships are meant to be forever, or even for a few months or years so slowdown, pay attention, and go with the flow since you think you are more dedicated than she is (AND YOU ARE!). It's NOT her fault that you are.

    Talaniman Rule-Never make a person a priority in your life when you are an option in theirs.

    Stop all that calling and texting and save it for making DATES. Then you can talk face to face and end the speculations, and assumptions, and see if indeed you have something to build on that you both are comfortable with. Just give her all the space she needs to find her "COURAGE". I think she likes you, but not as much as you like her.

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