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    bettyboppintine's Avatar
    bettyboppintine Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 24, 2008, 01:10 PM
    Does he really love me?
    The guy I've been with is absolutely adorable and I love him so much. I've beev thinking a lot today and just realized that maybe he's growing apart from me. I don't know what to think sometimes he acts like I'm his world but other times hell act like I'm just not the one. I mean he does it rarely does this. Like once a month and I know that seems like aot, I mean for someone who swears he loves you.I don't know what to do..

    Oh and also he just found out that another guy likes me and is very upset that this other guy tries to talk to me everyday and I don't want to be mean to him and just tell him to stop talking to me and walk away. And he's been blaming me for liking him but I try to tell him every second of everyday that I DO NOT like this other guy. I love him and not someone else and I always will. I just want him to believe me.:(
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Apr 24, 2008, 02:21 PM
    Sweetie, you need to talk to him. That's the only way you're going to find out what he really feels. Tell him what you're feeling and really talk.

    Sounds like you two really need to just sit down and spend some time talking. Go out for coffee and just sit, chat, and get to know each other again. Be calm, just explain what you're feeling and ask him what's going on.

    I wish you the best! :)
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert
     
    #3

    Apr 24, 2008, 02:24 PM
    Does he love you? That may not be the real issue here, but rather "can you live with someone who loves this way?" Not everyone knows how to deal with their own feelings in a fair way. Loving people is easy. Not turning into a rude, controlling freak as a result is often too hard for some people.

    You do not have to change your way of dealing with friends because your guy has jealousy issues. You don't.

    You can talk to whomever you wish without feeling guilty. You can.

    When he blames you for his problems, you do not have to accept his premise at all. It's his problem, remind him so, and change the subject.

    You say you love him and always will... well, I hope you don't spend too much time on that point since it can change at any moment. You gain nothing trying to convince him, do you?

    You want him to believe you, but he doesn't? I'm not sure he doesn't believe you, but he may be quite content having you defend yourself to him all the time. We've ALL known people like that. It may add to his self-assurance by hearing you defend yourself. Unfortunataly, if you allow this, it will never end. Also, it may be a secret way of him hiding his own problems in the same area.

    If I were you, I would sit him down and tell him: "I'm going to say this one more time, and then I'm never going to bring it up again. If you bring it up again, I'm simply going to say Banana Bread. I don't have feeling for this guy or any other guy right now. If I ever do, trust me, you will be the first person I tell. OK? If you're going obsess over my friends, some of whom are guys, I'm going to let you, OK? I'm not going to get into it with you, though. So, just keep in mind who I am dating, that's YOU. All I have to say about this from here on is: Banana Bread"

    Now, anytime he starts the jealousy thing, just start talking about how much you like banana bread. If he won't stop, you should remind him that if you ever get tired of banana bread, you might just go find someone less stressful to hang around with. You have to be willing to be firm with him, including walking away. There's no need forcing yourself to put up with someone who abuses your feelings just because they're insecure.

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