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NervousOne · Jan 28, 2009, 01:42 PM

I have been involved in a long distance relationship with a man I have known for 5 yrs. We are both divorced with children and the relationship got serious.. meaning we decided to be exclusive , exchanged " I love you's" etc... we see each other once a month and its usually for a week at at time. We stay each other at our homes , depending on whose turn it is to travel.So please don't preach about how we can't know each other that well... we have spent enough time together. And we are involved with eachothers family , have spent holidays and special occasions with each other and eachothers family and friends.

So... He wants me to move there, where he lives. He has a great stable job ( he is a Doctor ) and it would be foolish of him to think about leaving such a great career, where as I could triple my income if I moved there.

Bottom line... I am afraid to move without a formal commitment. He has mentioned the M word several times, we have talked about having another child, and buying a house together. And latley he has been really trying to save extra money for this purpose. So I know that we are working toward a future together. But to leave my life , my family, and start over for him...

Would you do it without a ring?

NervousOne · Feb 8, 2009, 02:15 PM

No one has any opinion?

cozyk · Feb 8, 2009, 03:34 PM

I wouldn't do it without a ring and a date.

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 05:07 PM

Ok its going to be hard but nothing that's worth having is too easy.

Plus what guarantee is a ring???
I thought you'd be able to answer that question yourself, no?

Look at it this way:

Man and woman meet, they have both been through their fair share in life. They begin a relationship slowly and at a distance but they both make the effort and fall for each other.

He asks her to move to be with him, which is the more financially sound decision.

Why say no?

(the only aside I will ask is what are the ages of your children and, if applicable ie if they would move too, what would the effect of the change of location be on them? Would it stop them having a relationship with their father?)

LAMBCHOPS · Feb 8, 2009, 09:13 PM

That's a tough one.
I also think it's a big deal that the children may be far from their dad, if he's close with them. Honestly, I can understand why you're scared to death and some counseling will definitely help you and your kids. However, I think that if you have no doubts about the guy (forget about the lifestyle) and feel safe and secure with him (emotionally, not financially) then it'll likely work out but it'll take some adjusting.

Have you considered taking your kids there during the summer or spring break while they are on holidays? At least then, the possible move over there wouldn't be so scary. You could show them around (hopefully it's a great place for kids) and maybe if you saw their enthusiasm it may give you some relief.

Do you think the guy would come to you for a year or two? Sure, it may be a step backward for him financially, but at least he'd be proving his commitment and that he'd move mountains for you and your kids.

All the best.

LAMBCHOPS · Feb 8, 2009, 09:17 PM

Wait a sec... when you said you'd be leaving your family, do you mean you'd be leaving your kids? How old are they? If they're old enough to support you in being happy then great, you're lucky! At least then you'd just have to travel back regularly to see them.

However, if they're young and you have to leave them? I don't know if most moms could do that.

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 09:19 PM

I don't know if most moms should do that.. but I'll wait and see what she has to say. :)

cozyk · Feb 9, 2009, 12:58 AM

I've thought on this some more. The fact that you are asking our opinions on this tells me you have serious reservations. Also, your username is nervous one. Is this what you are so nervous about? If your relationship is secure, it can endure the distance until a more permanent arrangement (marriage) is in the picture. Don't be in a possible "flip flop"situation where your and his children are involved. They should not be put in a position of upheaval if this is not going to be permanent.

NervousOne · Feb 24, 2009, 09:06 AM

No , I would not be leaving my kids, they are coming with me... But now I have an even bigger issue... I did something horrible... onto my next post...

neverme · Feb 24, 2009, 09:14 AM

Post a link please!