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    Can I date this girl?

    Asked Sep 25, 2013, 05:42 PM 16 Answers
    I am 13 (turning 14) and I love this girl that's 18 more than life itself. I feel that I always need to be with her. Any advice?

    Last edited by talaniman; Sep 25, 2013 at 06:40 PM.
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,808, Reputation: 6027
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    #2

    Sep 25, 2013, 05:46 PM


    And how does she feel about you?

    What you are feeling is a crush, not love. This is not going to happen because its illegal for her to be with you. Focus on people your own age.
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    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 39,949, Reputation: 5613
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    #3

    Sep 25, 2013, 05:47 PM


    She's too old for you. At 13 you are still in middle school. At 18 she has most likely graduated and is off to college. She is an adult, you are a child.

    It's okay to have a crush, that's how we learn. But anything more than that would be illegal and cause her trouble if she even thought any more of you than just a little kid brother.
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    max12345's Avatar
    max12345 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 25, 2013, 05:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
    And how does she feel about you?

    What you are feeling is a crush, not love. This is not going to happen because its illegal for her to be with you. Focus on people your own age.
    Ive known her for a while and she loves me too. I had a crush on her but I have taken things a bit further. We both want it to happen and we have been trying to make it work. I have tried focusing on girls my own age and there are a lot of girls I have feelings for and I mean almost every girl in my school wants to go out with me but she's the one I'm telling you. I love her more than anything. Trust me its not a crush its TRUE LOVE.

    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    She's too old for you. At 13 you are still in middle school. At 18 she has most likely graduated and is off to college. She is an adult, you are a child.

    It's okay to have a crush, that's how we learn. But anything more than that would be illegal and cause her trouble if she even thought any more of you than just a little kid brother.
    One she is still in High school. 2 she loves me even more than I love her (so she says) 3 If you met me you would understand why she loves me. Its love I'm telling you.
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    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 39,949, Reputation: 5613
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    #5

    Sep 25, 2013, 05:58 PM


    If an 18 year old were romantically in love with a 13 year old there is something wrong with her. She is either mentally and emotionally immature, or she is a pedophile.
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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 27,844, Reputation: 5893
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    #6

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:02 PM
    What do your parents have to say about this true love with an adult? Have you asked them what they think of you two dating?
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    max12345's Avatar
    max12345 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:08 PM
    I feel this advice isn't helping I thought people were going to be on my side because they knew how I felt but clearly none of you have been in love. By the way there is nothing wrong with her for loving me we are both ina serious relationship and OF COURSE WE Aren't DOING ANYTHING "SERIOUS"
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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 27,844, Reputation: 5893
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    #8

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:12 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by max12345 View Post
    I feel this advice isnt helping i thought people were going to be on my side because they knew how I felt but clearly none of you have been in love. By the way there is nothing wrong with her for loving me we are both ina serious relationship and OF COURSE WE ARENT DOING ANYTHING "SERIOUS"
    You're 13. I was in "love" at 13 too, and 14, and 15, and 16, many times. I swore it was real. No one could tell me it wasn't. The thing is, at 13 you have no concept of what real love is. You think it's love, and all the feelings you have feel like real love, but it's not. In 10 years or so you'll realize that.

    The fact is, even if you were in love, and she was too, there are laws. Laws don't care if your love is real or not. You're a child, she's an adult. There are laws to protect children from adults that are attracted to them, and are in a position to control them.

    Bottom line, there are no laws against dating, but, at your age you will need your parents consent. If your parents say no, and you decide to date her anyway, she could go to jail.

    So how much do you love her? Do you love her enough to keep her out of jail?

    BTW, your reaction is exactly what I expected from a child.
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    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 39,949, Reputation: 5613
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    #9

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:13 PM
    None of us have been in love but we are married and have children your age. So, yes, we have been in love. We've loved and we've lost.

    If you want to hear what you want to hear, ask your friends. If you want to hear the truth, ask adults. We are adults. We are not going to advocate pedophilia.
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,808, Reputation: 6027
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    #10

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by max12345 View Post
    I feel this advice isnt helping i thought people were going to be on my side because they knew how I felt but clearly none of you have been in love. By the way there is nothing wrong with her for loving me we are both ina serious relationship and OF COURSE WE ARENT DOING ANYTHING "SERIOUS"
    You really expect us to believe that an 18 yr old girl would have any interest in a 13 yr old boy? You really think adults who have experienced real love would believe this crap.

    You can forget that notion. You didn't answer what your parents think about this. But I can't imagine any responsible parent allowing it. Which means it is illegal for her to have anything to do with you without parental consent;

    But you are living in a dream world if you think we are going to believe your story.
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    max12345's Avatar
    max12345 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    You're 13. I was in "love" at 13 too, and 14, and 15, and 16, many times. I swore it was real. No one could tell me it wasn't. The thing is, at 13 you have no concept of what real love is. You think it's love, and all the feelings you have feel like real love, but it's not. In 10 years or so you'll realize that.

    The fact is, even if you were in love, and she was too, there are laws. Laws don't care if your love is real or not. You're a child, she's an adult. There are laws to protect children from adults that are attracted to them, and are in a position to control them.

    Bottom line, there are no laws against dating, but, at your age you will need your parents consent. If your parents say no, and you decide to date her anyway, she could go to jail.

    So how much do you love her? Do you love her enough to keep her out of jail?

    BTW, your reaction is exactly what I expected from a child.
    Of course I have enough love to keep her out of jail its just some people have been telling me that I am not feeling love and later in life I will understand that. But what am I feeling then.

    Quote Originally Posted by scottgem View Post
    you really expect us to believe that an 18 yr old girl would have any interest in a 13 yr old boy? You really think adults who have experienced real love would believe this crap.

    You can forget that notion. You didn't answer what your parents think about this. But i can't imagine any responsible parent allowing it. Which means it is illegal for her to have anything to do with you without parental consent;

    but you are living in a dream world if you think we are going to believe your story.
    It then

    I am quitting this hole because nobody ing believes me and same with her as well
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    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 39,949, Reputation: 5613
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    #12

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:25 PM
    You are feeling hormones. This is the first step in learning what is and what not is acceptable. This is what is called puppy love.

    I'm sure she loves you. As a little brother. My daughter has a friend who "loves" my son. Same age difference, he is 11 she is 16, but it's not romantic love. It brother/sister type love.

    You are simply learning how to love. This relationship will pass and you will move on to the next girl. You will think you are desperately in love with her too, but that will end as well.

    Relationships are a learning process, you are in the learning curve.
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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 27,844, Reputation: 5893
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    #13

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:35 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by max12345 View Post
    Of course I have enough love to keep her out of jail its just some people have been telling me that I am not feeling love and later in life I will understand that. But what am i feeling then.
    Okay, let's say you're really in love. For the sake of argument, even though we all know better, let's say you're really in love, you'll both be together forever, this is your soul mate, it's meant to be. Just for the sake of argument, I'll agree with you, you're really in love.

    Love is blind, it doesn't have to be stupid too. You're 13, you're legally a child, and you act like a child. That much is clear from your posts. She's legally an adult. She may still be in high school, so she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but when it comes to the law, she's an adult.

    There are laws to protect children from adults that want more than friendship. Obviously she's not smart enough to walk away to protect herself, so you, the child, have to be.

    She will go to jail if she pursues this love. It's not legal.

    Love means making sacrifices, saving the one you love no matter what it costs you. In 5 years you can date her, you can do anything you want with her. If this is true love, it can wait 5 years, it can wait until it's legal. If you can't wait until it's legal, or you don't care that she could go to jail if you both continue this, then it's not love.

    That's it in a nutshell. So show me how mature you are at 13. I know how you'll react to this, which just proves that it's not love. Prove me wrong.
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    max12345's Avatar
    max12345 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by alty View Post
    okay, let's say you're really in love. For the sake of argument, even though we all know better, let's say you're really in love, you'll both be together forever, this is your soul mate, it's meant to be. Just for the sake of argument, i'll agree with you, you're really in love.

    Love is blind, it doesn't have to be stupid too. You're 13, you're legally a child, and you act like a child. That much is clear from your posts. She's legally an adult. She may still be in high school, so she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but when it comes to the law, she's an adult.

    There are laws to protect children from adults that want more than friendship. Obviously she's not smart enough to walk away to protect herself, so you, the child, have to be.

    She will go to jail if she pursues this love. It's not legal.

    Love means making sacrifices, saving the one you love no matter what it costs you. In 5 years you can date her, you can do anything you want with her. If this is true love, it can wait 5 years, it can wait until it's legal. If you can't wait until it's legal, or you don't care that she could go to jail if you both continue this, then it's not love.

    That's it in a nutshell. So show me how mature you are at 13. I know how you'll react to this, which just proves that it's not love. Prove me wrong.
    That's what we have been talking about waiting a couple of years and quite honestly its what my parents told me too. Stop assuming stuff about me everybody I meet thinks I am 15 or 16 because of the way I treat people and the way I act.
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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 27,844, Reputation: 5893
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    #15

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by max12345 View Post
    thats what we have been talking about waiting a couple of years and quite honestly its what my parents told me too. Stop assuming stuff about me everybody i meet thinks i am 15 or 16 because of the way i treat people and the way i act.
    I asked if you had told your parents. You didn't answer me. If you won't answer questions, or provide all the info, the only thing we can do is assume. When a 13 year old asks about dating an 18 year old, we don't even have to assume, the law is the law, no assumptions needed.

    It doesn't matter if you look like you're 20, you're 13! You can't change your age just because you look older than you are. The law doesn't give a crap how old you look or act.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,757, Reputation: 10740
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    #16

    Sep 25, 2013, 06:52 PM
    Thank your parents for some good advice because they know this hormone driven intense feeling will change as surely as you will grow, and learn. That's what 13 is all about, INTENSE feelings driven by your hormones.

    Has your voiced changed yet? Grown facial hair?
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,955, Reputation: 3669
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    #17

    Sep 25, 2013, 08:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by max12345 View Post
    thats what we have been talking about waiting a couple of years and quite honestly its what my parents told me too. Stop assuming stuff about me everybody i meet thinks i am 15 or 16 because of the way i treat people and the way i act.
    How you act when things are going your way appears to be very different than when they aren't. On this site you have not shown that you are more mature than your age would indicate. If you want us to believe you are more mature, then show us by reading the responses, thinking about what has been said and responding with well thought out posts.

    Something for you to think about is that you are at very different points in your lives. You are just starting and learning about relationships. You are at an age when your parents decide what you are allowed to do and laws and regulations limit your ability to go places and do things. She is almost out of high school. If she doesn't already have one, she will soon be looking at getting a job and/or applying to colleges. Guys her age can drive and take her out. They don't have to get permission from their parents, have their parents, drive and probably ask their parents for money. (Depending on where you live) she can kiss males her age and not have to worry that someone might think the physical contact crossed legal boundary lines.

    Dating and being 'in love' may go great for a month or two, but when restrictions start causing issues or friends start teasing about dating someone so much younger than she is, everything will fall apart. Love can only do so much. Too many hurdles and it turns in anger and frustration.

    If your parents have said wait, then they should be obeyed. Trying to go behind their backs or get around their rules will only result in losing their trust. You do not want to lose your parents' trust.
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