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    HingedV's Avatar
    HingedV Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 7, 2012, 01:53 PM
    Broke up with me because of college?
    So we started dating towards the end of senior year and we both love each other very much. She wanted to keep in contact through college, I asked to make sure this is what she wanted for a week and she said yes. I raised up some money to visit her at least once a week this summer because, well, I had a lot of free time. But we fought a few times and at the end of our last fight she decided that it would be better for us to break up. The conflict that we had was not big, I just got frustrated because she wanted to meet up with this guy and this girl without telling me. She wanted to see them because they were going to college soon and she wanted to say goodbye, apparently she told me that she forgot to tell me. She told me that she was not good at being a girlfriend and didn't want to work on a relationship along with school. I only get to meet her 2 more times before she goes off to college. It seems like lack of affection that we have because its hard for us to meet.

    She still loves me and I love her. My problem is that she wanted to try before we got into a fight, what should I do to get her back in that Idealistic mind?

    I suspect her conclusion was decided irrationally because we fought but she refuses to change her mind
    JennaC's Avatar
    JennaC Posts: 54, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Sep 7, 2012, 04:31 PM
    I don't think she was irrational; in fact, I think her conclusion is quite rational all things considered.

    1. Why she should have to tell you who she is hanging out with? You're not her husband, and if it's two friends of hers that are going away, then what's the big deal?

    2. If you're not seeing each other that much and she feels like it'll be better for her school work, then let her go.

    Perhaps she'll have some time to think it over and give it another try, but a red flag shot up for me when you said she claims she's "not good at being a girlfriend". She'll get good at it for the right person, and perhaps you're not him. I know it's mean/cynical, but when I was 18, I usually used that line to avoid having to come out and say "I don't want to date you."
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,792, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #3

    Sep 7, 2012, 05:05 PM
    The girl has changed her mind and does not want to be with you.
    Leave her alone.
    HingedV's Avatar
    HingedV Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 11, 2012, 09:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by JennaC View Post
    I don't think she was irrational; in fact, I think her conclusion is quite rational all things considered.

    1. Why she should have to tell you who she is hanging out with? You're not her husband, and if it's two friends of hers that are going away, then what's the big deal?

    2. If you're not seeing each other that much and she feels like it'll be better for her school work, then let her go.

    Perhaps she'll have some time to think it over and give it another try, but a red flag shot up for me when you said she claims she's "not good at being a girlfriend". She'll get good at it for the right person, and perhaps you're not him. I know it's mean/cynical, but when I was 18, I usually used that line to avoid having to come out and say "I don't want to date you."

    1. Why she should have to tell you who she is hanging out with? You're not her husband, and if it's two friends of hers that are going away, then what's the big deal?

    She should tell me because I've asked to see her weeks after weeks to hang out but her parents are very strict. If you wanted to see your girlfriend or boyfriend for a long time then you found out he/she hung out with other people and neglected you, you would be frustrated.

    2. If you're not seeing each other that much and she feels like it'll be better for her school work, then let her go.

    If I'm not seeing her that much, why would she feel like its going to make a difference in her school work? In fact I'm her tutor for all the AP classes we took together, I help her in her school work. And I can still help her in college since we basically have the same classes.

    All I can tell you is you should stop using the quote "not good at being a girlfriend" to break up with a guy, that's bull crap. Just say you don't want to date him, easy, blunt and fast to get over instead of baiting for more trouble.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,792, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #5

    Sep 11, 2012, 10:04 AM
    You need to leave her alone. She does not want to date you. She wants to be single. She no longer has a boyfriend and can do what she wants.
    You need to get a clue.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #6

    Sep 11, 2012, 12:32 PM
    The fact that you don't understand what's going on in her mind means that she's not sharing her thoughts with you. When she's not sharing her thoughts with you, it means that she's given up on you.

    Does she really need to tell you flat out that she no longer wants a relationship with you anymore for you to give up?

    She already knows that you still love her and that you want to be back with her, but she doesn't feel the same way, otherwise she would already be with you.

    I know it feels like she hasn't given you a chance to work things out with her, but if she wanted to work things out with you, she would have given you a chance. The fact that she's not giving you a chance means that she's given up.

    All signs point to her already given up on the relationship. You can try to hang on, but you may be waiting for something that will never happen.

    For now, focus on recoving from your pains and moving forward with your life. She already knows that you still want to be with her, so you don't need to remind her.

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